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  1. #1
    essnce629's Avatar
    essnce629 is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Default Family planning super spreader funeral!

    My grandma died of Covid pneumonia on December 30th, but her funeral isn't until February 4th since all the mortuaries and funeral homes out here are too busy from everyone dying of Covid. My family is completely delusional and are planning a normal super spreader funeral like there's no pandemic! My mom's oldest brother is in charge (she has 6 siblings) and so far the plans are an indoor viewing with up to 40 people, an indoor chapel service with up to 40 people, and then my uncle thinks everyone will go to my grandma's house afterwards for an indoor reception with catered food!!! My aunt wants to get 2 limos to drive people to and from the chapel to the gravesite which is a 50 minute drive one way! One limo for all the immediate family, which would be 5-6 different households and another limo for all my grandma's friends who are all 85+ years old!!! My uncle refuses to allow the chapel service to be live streamed virtually even though they are set up for that. I told my mom I will only go to the outside gravesite burial and like before, I'm trying my best to convince her. None of them think they have anything to do with my grandma getting covid, even though my covid positive uncle and wife visited my grandma's house and then one by one every single person in that household got sick!!! It's a mess and I have so much anger towards my mom's siblings who are clearly living in an alternate reality.

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    Latia (Birth & Postpartum Doula and Infant Nanny)
    Conner 8/19/03 (My 1st home birthed water baby!)
    Parker 5/23/09 (My 2nd home birthed water baby!)

  2. #2
    lizzywednesday is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Default

    I'm so sorry, Latia. I know how devastating it was to lose your grandma in the first place, but this feels like your uncle is continuing to rub salt in an open wound.
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    Liz
    DD (3/2010)

    "Make mistakes! Get messy!" - Miss Frizzle

  3. #3
    MSWR0319 is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    I am so, so sorry. This is so wrong. You shouldn't have to deal with this.

  4. #4
    Kestrel is offline Platinum level (1000+ posts)
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    My gosh, why would they not allow livestream if they're already set up that way?

    I'm shocked that a limo would even be allowed currently. In your place, I would call the chapel myself and see what their rules/guidelines are. I'd be shocked if they allow 40 people. Perhaps you can get a private viewing before hand?

    I'm so sorry that they are compounding your grief with this stupid stuff.

  5. #5
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    Wow. It feels like a complete slap in the face! I can't believe your mom's family didn't learn a single lesson.
    DS1 2006
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  6. #6
    gatorsmom is offline Pink Diamond level (15,000+ posts)
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    Oh man, Latia, I’ve been thinking of you a lot lately. I’ve been thinking how angry I would be at my relatives if they gave COVID19 to my grandmother and I’ve wondered how you handled the funeral. I’m sorry to hear it hasn’t happened yet. I’m afraid I don’t have much advice. I’d be calling my aunt and uncle murderers, I’m afraid, and behaving badly.

    Are you sure the chapel will allow 40 people to gather inside? I’d say if your uncle wants to have the meal at your grandmothers house he should be responsible for clean up. Also, who’s paying for that? Your grandmother’s estate? Keep in mind that items will probably start disappear. If no one has sorted out your grandmothers house yet, they will be going over there soon to pick things over. I’ve seen aunts and uncles get weird about taking things after all my grandparents passed away and my brother rifled through the house after my dad died looking for things (he didn’t admit it, but I cleaned my dad’s house for years after my mom passed away and I know how I left things). So, if there is something your mom wants, I’d get it now and discuss it with her siblings later.

    I agree with you- going out the burial site is the only showing I’d make. The limo idea is insane. Whose going to pay for that? Who’s the executor? Ugh, let the games begin.

    "People are made for happiness. Rightly then, you thirst for happiness. Christ has the answer to this desire of yours. But he asks you to trust him." -St. John Paul II

  7. #7
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    I canít even....

    A good friendís parents got covid from a funeral. I think 7-8 people got it at the funeral. Fortunately no one else died.


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  8. #8
    Melaine is online now Blue Diamond level (20,000+ posts)
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    Ugh I am so so sorry. I can only imagine the mix of grief and rage that you must be feeling. That is just unbelievable.

  9. #9
    hbridge is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    Ugh, that is horrible. I can only imagine how you may be feeling.

    Personally, I would NOT attend. We would send flowers and go to the gravesite on our own a few days later. The fact that the venues and funeral home, not to mention the limo service is allowing it, boggles my mind, but every area of the country is so different right now.

    Please consider not attending. I know it is heartbreaking not to, but protect your self and your immediate family. Also, can you call the funeral home yourself about live streaming the service, it seems like they would probably prefer that too! Sending hug and condolences. Your Grandmother knows you love her, that IS what matters most!

  10. #10
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    Gosh, Iím sorry this probably doesnít help your bereavement
    Are you the only person in the family who feels this way? Can you get backup from anyone, like an intervention?
    My friends uncle and aunt were planning to travel for Thanksgiving but the young adult grandchildren refused to attend if they showed up, so they canceled their plans. I know you canít compare this to a funeral but just wondering if others feel the same way. I find the younger generation sometimes has more sense.

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