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  1. #1
    daisyd is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    Default Would you email the teacher? Or let it go?

    My 12 year old rule following, model student in remote school for seventh grade was visibly upset after school today.

    He tells me his home room/science teacher had called him out for completing assignments ahead of time. DS tells me that he does not. He says that there is a time stamp on his Google Classroom that tracks what he does and that he has proof that he does not complete assignments ahead of time. He was embarrassed that she called him out during a meeting which included his class and another seventh grade class. He tells me he did not say anything in response to her.

    She is known to be a difficult person and subpar as a teacher when school was in person until last year. Both characteristics have worsened since remote school started up this grade.

    I encouraged him to email to clarify and stand up for himself. My son is afraid that no good will come out of it and that it will only do him harm. I offered to email to clear the air. He does not want me to do that either. He says he wants to let it go and that he will say something if it happens again. We are non-confrontational as parents and tend to go to great lengths not to rock the boat. I don't want DS to have the same issues that we struggle with. I want him to be assertive.

    This is new territory for us. How would you handle this?

  2. #2
    SnuggleBuggles is offline Black Diamond level (25,000+ posts)
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    It doesn't sound like a huge deal so I'd follow his lead. If he wants to email then I'd encourage that but I'd be fine letting this go. Some teachers are best dealt with with the mindset that you only have a few more months left and not to let it get to you.

  3. #3
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    I would totally let this go, especially if that is what your son is wanting. I can’t imagine bringing it back up unless it became a pattern or was threatening his grades.
    momma to DD 12/08 & DS 3/13

  4. #4
    daisyd is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    Thanks for weighing in!

  5. #5
    sariana is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    I am a teacher. I am appalled at this story. A teacher should not "call out" a student in front of peers like that. Go into a Breakout Room, meet in office hours, send an email. There are so many other options. That is unacceptable and I think you should say something to the teacher. But wait until the end of the school year if you think it could cause problems for your son.

    And why can't he complete assignments ahead of time? What's up with that?
    DS '04 "Boogaboo"
    DD '08 "Lilybear"

  6. #6
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    Honestly my first reaction is be glad the kid is doing his work! I’m reading so many posts about kids who are struggling to do their homework and she’s complaining that he’s doing stuff ahead of time? Why is that a problem?
    And yes I would follow his lead and not say anything unless it becomes an issue in the future. I think it was wrong for her to call him out like that.

    Both of my kids are extreme rule followers and something like this would bother them.

  7. #7
    JustMe is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    What a negative teacher! Agree it should not be in front of the class and with all that kids are going through who would even think of doing such a thing! That said, I do agree with not saying anything for now. If it continues, I think you may want to re-evaluate.
    lucky single mom to 18 yr old dd and 15 yr old ds through 2 very different adoption routes

  8. #8
    daisyd is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by sariana View Post
    I am a teacher. I am appalled at this story. A teacher should not "call out" a student in front of peers like that. Go into a Breakout Room, meet in office hours, send an email. There are so many other options. That is unacceptable and I think you should say something to the teacher. But wait until the end of the school year if you think it could cause problems for your son.

    And why can't he complete assignments ahead of time? What's up with that?
    Yes, the "calling out" part seemed strange to me. Apparently the teacher also does this when kids email her privately about their grade etc.

    I'm unclear on why assignments can't be completed ahead of time. DS does not have a good idea why either

    As an aside, the kids in this class are above average and bored out of their minds. I know other parents are encouraging kids to do more if they are done with what is already assigned.

    DS maintains though that he does not do the homework ahead of time. It is the injustice of the accusation that is bothering him.

  9. #9
    daisyd is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    Thanks all for weighing in.

    I'll let this slide. I guess part of me is consumed by mommy guilt. I don't check on DS' work *at all*. I've been so busy with work in the past month. I'm grateful that I don't need to police his work. He is a conscientious kid who wants to do the right thing. I want to be a good parent and support him when he needs me. I don't want to create problems for him.

  10. #10
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    I agree with following his lead on this and letting it go.
    For the future, I wonder if you can offer him a third option - he emails the teacher but you help him compose an email he is comfortable with. Thinking of it from my 12yo's perspective, he would be overwhelmed at the thought of having to figure out what to say to the teacher (and afraid of saying the wrong thing), but also be uncomfortable with me stepping in (either because he wants to feel more independent or because he would have no "control" or visibility into what I chose to say.)
    Something to keep in mind if you find yourself in this situation again - I can totally relate to wanting to teach your kid to hold their ground respectfully (and not back away from confrontation because that is the easier choice) but also wanting to respect their right to make their own choices. Offering to help him is a way of putting him in control and making him feel supported at the same time.
    Mom to Mr. Sunshine 9/08
    and Miss Happiness 3/11

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