When to watch “difficult” movies with kids

[alootikki]

Growing up in the 80s, my parents didn’t really shield me from watching movies on difficult topics- I remember watching Roots in middle school, and several Holocaust movies as well. Each of these had visceral and painful scenes that made a huge impact on me at the time, and have stayed with me ever since.

By contrast, my tweens (almost 11 and 13) have been relatively sheltered. They have read about slavery and the Holocaust, but I think seeing something on a Tv screen has a different sort of impact.

When did you watch these powerful movies with your kids?


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[gatorsmom]

Like you, my parents didn’t shield me back in the 80’s either. Nor could they, really since there were televisions all over the house. If I didn’t like what my parents were watching in the kitchen I could go to their room or my brother’s or the basement to watch something else without any oversight. Even at that age I thought they were making a mistake. My mom offered many times to put a tv in my room but I always said no. She nagged me to waste less time reading but pushed the tv. I still don’t get it.

In my own house, we have 2 tvs connected to streaming and internet. The primary one is in our great room so easily visible to everyone. The other is in my bedroom (Dh won that one!) and we never watch it except when the kids and I are doing a mammoth laundry sorting and folding. So we can control what they watch on those TVs. I can talk about what they are seeing, ask them how they feel about what they are really seeing, how realistic is what we are seeing versus what is artistic life Ds’s, etc. It seems like if we can talk about it, they won’t be as traumatized because they will feel more in-control of their feelings.

The real challenge is controlling the electronics and protecting them from the garbage they watch on their phones, iPads, etc. I try to help them realize that some of the garbage that they watch is even more harmful for them than junk food, too loud music, etc. I hope by talking about it they will consciously make a better choice but only time will tell if I’m doing a better job than my parents.

[alootikki]

Thanks gatorsmom. To clarify, I’m not opposed to my kids watching these movies (Roots was amazing and powerful!) - just want to do it in a more thoughtful way (with discussion and watching for their reactions, as you said) and maybe at a different age?


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[Philly Mom]

I think your kids are plenty old enough for these movies. I talk to my 7 and 9 year old often about these historical events. They read books about them. I would have no problem with my 9 year old seeing those movies by 11 and probably would allow it earlier.


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[gatorsmom]

Thanks gatorsmom. To clarify, I’m not opposed to my kids watching these movies (Roots was amazing and powerful!) - just want to do it in a more thoughtful way (with discussion and watching for their reactions, as you said) and maybe at a different age?

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Every kid is different. I sometimes think I’m a little too protective because my kids were telling about movies their friends are allowed to see that I restrict. But then I hear about friends’ kids IRL and plenty here who are very, very sensitive to stuff I consider tame. Only you know what will be ok for your kids.

The funny thing is though, that I find as they get older, I have to relax and let them be more exposed to stuff. Ds1 is 17 and will be able to see and do whatever he wants soon. It’s better if he gets some exposure at home so we can discuss things. So I’m trying now to show him movies I wouldn’t let him see 18 months ago. Now it’s sort of a race to get things discussed and experienced while we still can

[DualvansMommy]

In our time, we didn’t have iPhones or iPads and the like, so chances of kids seeing impactful movies on their own is greater now.

So with that mindset, I do it sooner than later with my kids. I would watch the Holocaust movies with them, so we have a chance to talk about it. My oldest will turn 10 soon and I’m planning on picking 2 impactful movies to watch with him over spring break.

Slightly off topic, but in the past 2 years at every major holiday like President Day their school coverage of the holiday is very much the White sanctioned version. I replaced those lessons with my own pickings age appropriate books and lessons. So if I feel they can learn from that, then the strong movies isn’t that far off behind, imo.


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[gatorsmom]

I wanted to add one more thought. Movies that were very scary for my kids at younger ages are much easier for them to watch and understand as they got older. Certain movies I regret showing them even as young middle schoolers because while watching the movie, they got sort of a haunted look in their eyes and couldnt seem to grasp what I was explaining to them about what they were seeing. So I definitely think it’s possible for them to be traumatized to the point where they are irrationally fearful. As they get older and they gain a wider understanding of the world, they can see things from a broader perspective. The movies then interest them more than scare them, if that make any sense. But OP, you are right to question when is a good time to start doing that because too early can be traumatic.

[Melaine]

We don’t watch movies like this at all. They learn about those events from books or documentaries but I find the movies too upsetting myself.

[jgenie]

We don’t watch movies like this at all. They learn about those events from books or documentaries but I find the movies too upsetting myself.

We’re the same here. My kids have read about world history and can ask us questions or for help researching. I think the visual is much harder to get out of our minds. We are outliers in that we are more restrictive in the media our kids consume. I grew up with way too much freedom and very little parental oversight. But for the grace of God....