Wording help - loss mentioned

[niccig]

My dad isn’t doing well, with limited time. My sisters and I all live overseas, and can’t get back to see him as Australia has limited entry to the country. We won’t be able to get to a funeral either. This morning my sister texted asking if she could come visit for a week when dad passes. I understand she wants to be with family, but I don’t want my grief to be overtaken by her grief. I want to be there for DS. And we have no space as all working from home. I also don’t get a week of bereavement leave (3 days).

Then this afternoon dad went on palliative care. So now I can’t think and I don’t want to hurt her. Help me with wording to say no.


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[AnnieW625]

So sorry for your loss. I would just tell her no. Can you suggest she take some time and go to Australia to visit?


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[KpbS]

First, I’m so sorry. This is a hard situation to not be able to travel. Can you FaceTime?

Does she live in the states? Any way she could come to see you for a few days, but stay in a hotel? But if you’d really rather her not come at all, I would say “I regret it won’t work for me to have you come visit due to the pandemic work-at home conditions of CA and my current work demands.”

I would maybe suggest an alternate time to get together in the future (post-pandemic) to be together and reminisce. Maybe with both sisters? Just a thought.

[niccig]

So sorry for your loss. I would just tell her no. Can you suggest she take some time and go to Australia to visit?


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You can’t visit. You have to apply for permission from the embassy. They’re restricted entry and priority is for Australians returning home to live, and not to visit. If you buy a plane ticket without permission from the embassy, they don’t let you on the plane as entry is denied


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[niccig]

First, I’m so sorry. This is a hard situation to not be able to travel. Can you FaceTime?

Does she live in the states? Any way she could come to see you for a few days, but stay in a hotel? But if you’d really rather her not come at all, I would say “I regret it won’t work for me to have you come visit due to the pandemic work-at home conditions of CA and my current work demands.”

She lives in the states. I want to say no. She’ll overwhelm me with her grief and I have my own and DS. DH and DS have difficult time with her, she’s very intense. Just need help with how to word it. I would be ok with a visit later, maybe over the summer. Maybe I could visit her over my Spring Break in April


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[♥ms.pacman♥]

no advice, other than to say, so sorry nicci you are going through this. i recall your posts in the past about tensions with your sister and visits. i can only imagine how stressful it is to deal with this plus worrying about your dad. Hugs to you in this time.

[KpbS]

If she is intense, do not feel bad about telling her no.

I would just say “I’m sorry that is not going to work for us due to our working/school situations now. I hope we can get together another time.”

[firstbaby]

I’m so sorry. I think you need to be kind but firm. “I know this is an incredibly hard and sad time. I’m sorry but it won’t work for you to visit right now. Once we’ve both had some time to work through some of our grief, I will be in a better place to plan our next visit”

[JElaineB]

I’m so sorry. I think you need to be kind but firm. “I know this is an incredibly hard and sad time. I’m sorry but it won’t work for you to visit right now. Once we’ve both had some time to work through some of our grief, I will be in a better place to plan our next visit”

I'm so sorry, Nicci. I agree with this wording. I wouldn't solely blame it on work as she'll accuse you of prioritizing that over family. Make it about you, not her, and tell her you need time to process your own grief and to support DS, and you can't have her visit now.

[StantonHyde]

Just the simple “that doesn’t work for me right now” and can we visit at church time. No more details to latch onto and argue about. Sorry you are going through this now.