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  1. #31
    SnuggleBuggles is offline Black Diamond level (25,000+ posts)
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    I'll bite my tongue on my overall thoughts on your dh (based on your posts).
    Dh and I have different travel styles. I spring break without him each year. He stays home and works, I take the kids somewhere drivable. It works really well for our family.
    But I do think there are ways to compromise. If he isn't up when you want to be doing something, take dd. But, maybe somedays just plan to chill and not try and be on a schedule or get annoyed with his sleeping in. It can be done (finding the balance).

  2. #32
    gymnbomb is offline Emerald level (3000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by lizzywednesday View Post

    It's just I guess I don't see the sense in taking on all the driving to do things that we can do (albeit on a smaller scale - our bits of the Appalachians are more eroded, for example, and we're less spread out in places) right here in NJ, including outdoor dining (if the weather cooperates), quaint towns, and great places to go hiking, especially in the area where I grew up.
    I know many people (including my parents and myself to a lesser extent) get a huge mental benefit from the change of scenery or location even if the actual "things" they do there aren't different. Maybe your husband falls into that category? It is so easy to feel isolated when you can't go the places you would usually go, and anything to break that up is a very welcome change for me.
    DS 2/14
    DD 8/17

  3. #33
    gymnbomb is offline Emerald level (3000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by SnuggleBuggles View Post
    I'll bite my tongue on my overall thoughts on your dh (based on your posts).
    Dh and I have different travel styles. I spring break without him each year. He stays home and works, I take the kids somewhere drivable. It works really well for our family.
    But I do think there are ways to compromise. If he isn't up when you want to be doing something, take dd. But, maybe somedays just plan to chill and not try and be on a schedule or get annoyed with his sleeping in. It can be done (finding the balance).
    We do this too. I often spring break with just my mom or with her and a couple of other family members, and I sometimes take one or both kids somewhere without DH. Either just us or meeting up with my parents or sometimes even going to see his parents. It started because I get a lot more vacation time than he does, but I also have a stronger desire to go places whereas he loves it when he can take a week off and just hang out at home and play video games or maybe work on a project on the house.
    DS 2/14
    DD 8/17

  4. #34
    lizzywednesday is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by SnuggleBuggles View Post
    I'll bite my tongue on my overall thoughts on your dh (based on your posts).
    Dh and I have different travel styles. I spring break without him each year. He stays home and works, I take the kids somewhere drivable. It works really well for our family.
    But I do think there are ways to compromise. If he isn't up when you want to be doing something, take dd. But, maybe somedays just plan to chill and not try and be on a schedule or get annoyed with his sleeping in. It can be done (finding the balance).
    We already do a lot of things without him, like visit NYC, museums, historic sites, and the RenFaire (which we meet up with my sister to visit; she knows how to RenFaire!)

    I guess where I'm at is that he's decided that this is a "family vacation" and I guess that's where I get frustrated by him just doing the things he does - if it's a family vacation, and we are a family, why does he do everything he can to avoid spending time with us as a family?

    Quote Originally Posted by gymnbomb View Post
    I know many people (including my parents and myself to a lesser extent) get a huge mental benefit from the change of scenery or location even if the actual "things" they do there aren't different. Maybe your husband falls into that category? It is so easy to feel isolated when you can't go the places you would usually go, and anything to break that up is a very welcome change for me.
    Yes, he does fall into the "I need a change of scene" category and I guess I understand, but I struggle with him pitching it as a "family vacation" when the way he acts doesn't encourage family time.
    ==========================================
    Liz
    DD (3/2010)

    "Make mistakes! Get messy!" - Miss Frizzle

  5. #35
    SnuggleBuggles is offline Black Diamond level (25,000+ posts)
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    Can you just send dd and dh off and you stay home?


    Sent from my iPhone using Baby Bargains

  6. #36
    jgenie is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by SnuggleBuggles View Post
    Can you just send dd and dh off and you stay home?


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    This is what I would suggest if he has the patience to do it himself.


    I often travel without DH. It gives me a chance to run vacation the way I want without having to worry about what DH wants. DC and I can vacation on a budget and roll with the day. DH prefers more structured trips. He wants three sit down meals at regular times and scheduled events. DC and I can make an adventure out of pretty much anything. One of my favorite memories is us kicking around a pine cone in a park. We were walking around DC were tired and extra squirrelly. I kicked it over thinking they’d kick it back but we kicked it, ran and laughed for half an hour.

    If we’re traveling with DH, I will often wake up early and take a walk or go for a run by myself so I don’t get annoyed about DH relaxing in the morning.
    Last edited by jgenie; 02-25-2021 at 01:32 PM.
    for Carmen

  7. #37
    lizzywednesday is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by SnuggleBuggles View Post
    Can you just send dd and dh off and you stay home?
    Apparently, suggesting this means I'm "rejecting" them.

    Quote Originally Posted by jgenie View Post
    This is what I would suggest if he has the patience to do it himself.

    ...

    If we’re traveling with DH, I will often wake up early and take a walk or go for a run by myself so I don’t get annoyed about DH relaxing in the morning.
    I don't even care if he has the patience to take DD anywhere. If they need the change of scenery so much, they can figure it out.

    When we take our beach week, I usually drag DD along to walk when we're up earlier than DH. We walk the Boardwalk and have a treats breakfast - coffee for me, smoothies for DD, pastries for both of us ... sometimes we buy shave ice - and walk back, hit the shower, and decide where we'll play mini-golf that day. And despite that technically being a "family vacation," I'm now familiar enough with the location that I don't feel like I need DH in tow to do things. I can just grab DD and go wherever our feet take us!

    But new places that he's pushing to visit and he's pitching as a "family vacation"? That's when I get really frustrated.
    ==========================================
    Liz
    DD (3/2010)

    "Make mistakes! Get messy!" - Miss Frizzle

  8. #38
    lizzywednesday is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    double post - sorry!
    ==========================================
    Liz
    DD (3/2010)

    "Make mistakes! Get messy!" - Miss Frizzle

  9. #39
    SnuggleBuggles is offline Black Diamond level (25,000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by lizzywednesday View Post
    Apparently, suggesting this means I'm "rejecting" them.
    Thatís so manipulative and sucky. Thatís when you say that you arenít the one who needs to travel right now but that you would love for them to go have a fun adventure together. Guilt him right back by saying how special it would be for he and dd to have a trip just the 2 of them to bond and connect. How great of a dad heíd be to have this experience together. 2 can play at his ridiculous game.


    Sent from my iPhone using Baby Bargains

  10. #40
    bisous is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by SnuggleBuggles View Post
    That’s so manipulative and sucky. That’s when you say that you aren’t the one who needs to travel right now but that you would love for them to go have a fun adventure together. Guilt him right back by saying how special it would be for he and dd to have a trip just the 2 of them to bond and connect. How great of a dad he’d be to have this experience together. 2 can play at his ridiculous game.


    Sent from my iPhone using Baby Bargains
    I love this so much. I mean, I know its an attempt to be manipulative right back, but it is also SO true! Its a great argument!

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