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  1. #21
    Twoboos is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    First of all, I want to thank all of you for your responses! As I read each one I thought, " And THAT'S why I asked the BBB!" You've all given me a lot to think about, especially Gatorsmom, Green-Tea and niccig and followup comments that came from those posts. (not meaning to leave anyone out here- honestly each response is so helpful. Those just kind of struck me for some reason.)

    A few things. We have rented a house for spring break (in state) about 2hrs away just for a change of scenery, so neutral ground. DH will definitely be talking to MIL before we go. It could go either way with her - Oh ok i get it or FINE I'm not coming. And of course we'll be talking to DDs, and hopefully coming up with guidelines/plans for dealing with foolishness.

    I have been in these scenarios before with her. EX: her packing her bags and calling the airlines to change tix (when she lived far far away), because I called her out on using a disrespectful term about a gay couple. And I was very casual like - oh you probably shouldn't use that word - it was a DRAMA. (Heck I probably posted about it. ) I told DH the second she pulls the "I'm going home" card I'm throwing her in the car and not stopping til she's on her doorstep.

    Also wanted to add she's not abusive to DDs, but they just get disgusted with her viewpoints. I swear sometimes she starts it by picking up on something DDs say in passing, or just dropping a comment to see how it goes over. I can't decide if she's really doing it on purpose. Just for perspective MIL loves playing both sides. "I can't believe they speak to me that way in my own home!" and also "I can't believe someone speaks to me that way as a guest in your home!" So yes she always can say what she wants and we can't.

    MIL is a challenge.
    "Every mother needs a wife." - Amy Poehler, Yes Please

  2. #22
    mommy111 is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    I know you’ve had plenty of good advice (which I have not all read so sorry if this is a duplicate). I come from the perspective of really thinking kids need to respectful of their parents and grandparents and we certainly parent that way. We’re very traditional
    In this situation though, I have to say, MIL is the one I’d be having a conversation with. MIL, I know this will not end well so in the interests of peace, can you please avoid topics of contention such as your open racism and homophobia.
    And then if she doesn’t and gets in a fight, I’d roll my eyes, do a ‘I told you so’ and walk out and let the girls and her have at it. Trust me she will be a lot better when she realizes she can’t play victim and guilt you and and DH and be the drama queen. When it’s just her having to deal with DGDs, she’ll learn to avoid the topics real fast.

  3. #23
    Twoboos is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    Just wanted to update this! Our week basically went fine. DH and I were always listening for when things could go off the rails, and when they did it was in some other scenario lol! There was only one time she brought up something ridiculous and I could see the girls intaking breath to argue. DH and I both shut MIL down ASAP and gave DDs The Look, and we all carried on. Of course after everyone got up from the table and DDs walked away MIL finished her point with me. I made a non-committal "Huh" sound and walked away too.

    Now she'll be here this weekend for Mother's Day so more fun is coming I'm sure. Thanks again for all the responses.
    "Every mother needs a wife." - Amy Poehler, Yes Please

  4. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Twoboos View Post
    Just wanted to update this! Our week basically went fine. DH and I were always listening for when things could go off the rails, and when they did it was in some other scenario lol! There was only one time she brought up something ridiculous and I could see the girls intaking breath to argue. DH and I both shut MIL down ASAP and gave DDs The Look, and we all carried on. Of course after everyone got up from the table and DDs walked away MIL finished her point with me. I made a non-committal "Huh" sound and walked away too.

    Now she'll be here this weekend for Mother's Day so more fun is coming I'm sure. Thanks again for all the responses.
    So glad it went well. It sounds like your family (you, DH, DDs) are approaching this as a "team" which is such a great way to model dealing with bigger problems for your DDs. Everyone does their part to help things go smoothly, and yet you're all on the same page about the fact that it's hard (and a bit unfair.) And your DDs aren't bearing the brunt of it.
    I hope you have a lovely Mother's Day! (with no drama)
    Mom to Mr. Sunshine 9/08
    and Miss Happiness 3/11

  5. #25
    gatorsmom is offline Pink Diamond level (15,000+ posts)
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    I’m so glad it went well. I’d pay big money to have my parents and grandparents alive for just one day- even one of their grumpiest days! I’m happy to hear you were able to spend some quality time with her.

    And honestly, this is a great habit you are forming with your children. The ability to walk away from something incendiary and keep the peace. That’s a valuable quality that’s in short supply right now. Good job, mom!!
    " I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is only temporary; the evil it does is permanent." Mahatma Gandhi

    "This is the ultimate weakness of violence: It multiplies evil and violence in the universe. It doesn't solve any problems." Martin Luther King, Jr.

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