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  1. #1
    newnana is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    Default Do you want to clean the house?

    I am depressed. I am exhausted. I need a vacation.

    Since the pandemic started, I've been working 60-80 hours a week (salaried, so no OT pay). Work is miserable. Nothing is ever enough, (new)leadership is actively hostile. We've had almost 50% of our department leave since the new leadership took over over a year ago. My tiny team has everyone looking for new jobs because this is not sustainable. For the first time ever, I have doubt about my own abilities because of the tone of every project we're on and the insane workload and the idea that we are responsible for everyone's roles and responsibilities when they used to be divided amongst teams. I'm looking for a new job but am exhausted and there aren't a lot of openings in my area of expertise and I'm not in the right frame of mind to do well in an interview.

    DH is immunocompromised and DD is a moody teen; I've been super vigilant about the pandemic and doing all the errand running. Somehow this has translated to all the meal planning, meal prep, meal cleanup, etc. I know you did not just put your dirty dish on TOP of the dishwasher?!! DD is doing 100% remote learning and clearly that is getting to her. She needs some fun.

    I've put on way too much weight with stress eating and lack of exercise. I hate the way I feel. It's 20 degrees out, going outside to get some fresh air doesn't sound so great.

    DH offers to help but has to be told what to do. I don't want to manage you on top of everything else. Or DH offers to make dinner and it's only things that I will look at and gain weight or he offers, "leave the mess, I'll take care of it and then ends up sick and either forgets or can't leave the bathroom).

    This whole week has been building with a whole bunch of work nastiness (that doesn't look like it will improve) and by Friday night I was cooked. I haven't been sleeping well and it's been building and DH knows all of this.

    This morning DH asks what's wrong and if I want to talk about it. Then asks what I want to do today, I say that I don't have any ideas but that I definitely don't want to be the one to plan it. So he offers up, " do you want to clean the house?" Um. No. And by the way, I've already unloaded and loaded the dishwasher this morning, dusted the basement, folded the laundry and started washing the sheets and swept the kitchen. How about you sit out the next couple of plays.

    I just had to get this all out somewhere and you guys seemed like the best place. Thanks for listening. I'll get through this. These are all first world problems. I have enough to eat, I have a job, we know what's wrong with DH and it's not as scary as it was when we didn't, we have a house and DD is 90% of the time awesome and does great in school with little help. But focusing on any of that is not helping me right now.
    Last edited by newnana; 04-17-2021 at 03:22 PM.

  2. #2
    PunkyBoo is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    Just here to offer you hugs. Vent away. Maybe there's something in the air because I'm pretty much DONE here too.

    Sent from my Pixel 3a XL using Tapatalk

    Mama to DS1 Punkin (2/04) and DS2 Boo (1/09)

  3. #3
    jgenie is online now Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Hoping things turn around soon.
    for Carmen

  4. #4
    Kestrel is offline Platinum level (1000+ posts)
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    I know this is bitching post, but would a chore list help? My Dh also will stand in the middle of the mess and wonder what to do. So I have a chore list that's generic to the the day of the week... for example, today's Saturday so change/wash sheets and vacuum, Monday wash darks and sweep, Tuesday wash lights and dust, ect. Just enough so I can send Dh and DS to "the list" rather than answer "what needs to be done today?".

    I totally get where you're coming from.


    ETA: Not an hour after I wrote this, I saw..... DH come into the kitchen and attempt to put something in the overflowing garbage can. It wouldn't fit. So he walked across the house to put it in the bathroom garbage can and went back to his office.
    Last edited by Kestrel; 04-18-2021 at 12:19 AM.

  5. #5
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    This is hard! You are juggling so much right now in a strange world. Vent away!
    My friend is a therapist that specializes in women/moms. She says she's been booked solid for months and has women contacting her daily for very similar stresses like yours. It's a tough place right now and I get it.
    Mom to Two Wild and Crazy Boys and One Sweet Baby Girl

  6. #6
    newnana is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    Thanks ladies. Today is much better. Getting it out and getting some support really helped, especially the story about the trash can, that's the exact sort of thing that is my proverbial straw right now. Today is decent weather and I'm going to go dig out my demons in the garden, tearing out old stuff and prepping for spring (we have to wait until after Monther's day to plant). Really, thank you sooo much.

  7. #7
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    Sending another hug. I know you said today is better, but if things here are any indicator, tomorrow may be another hard day.
    dd1 10/05
    dd2 11/09
    and 2 cocker spaniels

  8. #8
    newnana is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by doberbrat View Post
    Sending another hug. I know you said today is better, but if things here are any indicator, tomorrow may be another hard day.
    Yep, roller coaster expected. I'll take any win I can get. I can't see the end of the woods, so know this will happen again, just happy to not be as down as yesterday and pissed I spent a rare day off letting it all get to me. Thanks for the perspective!

  9. #9
    bisous is online now Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    I'm a lot like you. I can hold it together and stay optimistic through a lot but my spirits have been lagging recently too. I know you just wanted to get it out, but I want you to know that honestly expressing that actually helps me feel better about it. I think we all need to accept that this is HARD and hopefully it is temporary but sometimes it just hits. Big hugs!

  10. #10
    newnana is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by bisous View Post
    I'm a lot like you. I can hold it together and stay optimistic through a lot but my spirits have been lagging recently too. I know you just wanted to get it out, but I want you to know that honestly expressing that actually helps me feel better about it. I think we all need to accept that this is HARD and hopefully it is temporary but sometimes it just hits. Big hugs!

    Thanks. I heard the title of a podcast the other day that was something about silent endurance is not the same as resilience and thought I don't have the emotional resilience for that level of self-awareness right now, I'm barely holding it together as it is. Silent endurance is sometimes the best I can do. I took a vacation day today to get my bloodwork and get a mammogram before my physical next week and am going to ask my doc for something to take the edge off this constant being on the edge of losing it. Fingers crossed. Something has to change and I don't have the energy to do one.more.thing. I appreciate all the responses. Super helpful.

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