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  1. #11
    hbridge is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    Ugh... Honestly, I would let your DC make the decision for herself and then tell your H that she has made the decision and your job as parents is to support her. Make sure your DC has all the facts and can present the case herself. However, at 16, the decision should be mostly (if not fully) hers.

    Your husband can make the decision for himself, but a 16 year old can weigh the facts and determine what is best for them.

    I was on the phone with the hospital and asked DC is they wanted to be vaccinated the next day, they responded with "[email protected] Yeah"! I have never seen a teen so excited to get a shot! These kids understand what is at stake.

  2. #12
    KrisM is offline Clean Sweep forum moderator
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    Quote Originally Posted by hbridge View Post
    Ugh... Honestly, I would let your DC make the decision for herself and then tell your H that she has made the decision and your job as parents is to support her. Make sure your DC has all the facts and can present the case herself. However, at 16, the decision should be mostly (if not fully) hers.

    Your husband can make the decision for himself, but a 16 year old can weigh the facts and determine what is best for them.

    I was on the phone with the hospital and asked DC is they wanted to be vaccinated the next day, they responded with "[email protected] Yeah"! I have never seen a teen so excited to get a shot! These kids understand what is at stake.
    Yes. Support her decision on it. I'd say the same if she didn't want to get it as well. But definitely make sure she has information and pros cons and then support the decision.

    DS1 got his first and we spent half the day getting to/from a place that worked on his timing. He was very excited for it too!
    Kris

  3. #13
    ezcc is offline Gold level (500+ posts)
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    I have a feeling most colleges will require it, but I guess high schools will not at least this year. I agree, if she wants it she should have it. Majority rule, and at 16 your dd's opinion is the one that matters the most. My dh is also very stubborn, but fortunately we agree on this.

  4. #14
    SnuggleBuggles is offline Black Diamond level (25,000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by ezcc View Post
    I have a feeling most colleges will require it, but I guess high schools will not at least this year. I agree, if she wants it she should have it. Majority rule, and at 16 your dd's opinion is the one that matters the most. My dh is also very stubborn, but fortunately we agree on this.
    The uproar from some parents on ds1 universityís parent page about the possibility of the vaccine being required is quite something. Then some level headed folks will chime in that the majority of college students are adults who can make their own decision.
    OP- Iím so frustrated for you and dd!


    Sent from my iPhone using Baby Bargains

  5. #15
    marinkitty is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    What a terrible position to be in. I'm so sorry.

    Since your DD wants it, I'd go with her and get it. I don't see that as sneaking around. She is old enough to decide for herself and only one parent is needed to give consent for the shot. Your DH knows how you both feel. You've tried to talk it out and he's being totally irrational.

    I honestly cannot imagine allowing my DH to block a decision like this, particularly one I agreed with and one that could prevent the child from working, going to college, traveling etc. He gets to make that unilateral decision for himself, but not for his daughter, IMO.

    This would be a "go to the mat" situation in our marriage for sure. Again, super sorry to hear you are in this awkward position. Good luck figuring it out.

  6. #16
    ncat is offline Platinum level (1000+ posts)
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    I'm not even happy that he's making the unilateral decision for himself! The idea that he would quit his job if asked to get the vaccine terrifies me. I'd also prefer that he avoid getting sick, I don't want to have to care for him or even take over for his domestic responsibilities if he gets sick due to vaccine refusal. And our younger kids can't get the vaccine.

  7. #17
    mom2binsd is online now Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    I'm sorry as well, I would take your DD, it will be a huge sticking point for many people in the next year, even some colleges will require it. At her age she is able to make decision regarding her body (same thing as if she wanted BC and he didn't/you didn't agree). Good luck.

  8. #18
    marinkitty is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by ncat View Post
    I'm not even happy that he's making the unilateral decision for himself! The idea that he would quit his job if asked to get the vaccine terrifies me. I'd also prefer that he avoid getting sick, I don't want to have to care for him or even take over for his domestic responsibilities if he gets sick due to vaccine refusal. And our younger kids can't get the vaccine.
    I hear you -- but beyond trying to change his mind, I'm not sure what you do about that part. Focus on keeping the kids safe and hope he gets lucky. Hopefully Pfizer gets the go ahead on the 12+ soon and I'm sure they will be applying for younger soon as well. If he gets it, quarantine in a room in your house with basic meals dropped outside the door is what I'd plan on (and hope that no other medical care would be needed).

  9. #19
    bisous is online now Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by marinkitty View Post
    What a terrible position to be in. I'm so sorry.

    Since your DD wants it, I'd go with her and get it. I don't see that as sneaking around. She is old enough to decide for herself and only one parent is needed to give consent for the shot. Your DH knows how you both feel. You've tried to talk it out and he's being totally irrational.

    I honestly cannot imagine allowing my DH to block a decision like this, particularly one I agreed with and one that could prevent the child from working, going to college, traveling etc. He gets to make that unilateral decision for himself, but not for his daughter, IMO.

    This would be a "go to the mat" situation in our marriage for sure. Again, super sorry to hear you are in this awkward position. Good luck figuring it out.
    I honestly think this is what I'd do.

  10. #20
    newnana is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by ncat View Post
    I'm not even happy that he's making the unilateral decision for himself! The idea that he would quit his job if asked to get the vaccine terrifies me. I'd also prefer that he avoid getting sick, I don't want to have to care for him or even take over for his domestic responsibilities if he gets sick due to vaccine refusal. And our younger kids can't get the vaccine.
    Yeah. I'd probably/certainly be way not nice about that. Exactly like you stated, it's not a unilateral decision that only impacts him. DH has a forever (not preventable) disease that at times is debilitating for months and at times he's mostly ok. There is always this hidden anxiety that something could (should, predicted to) go horribly askew and he'll be permanently, severely disabled. The anxiety of when that shoe may drop weighs heavy on us both. There is a nice way to have that conversation, but that's not my go to. My knee-jerk reaction to that is to tell him now that when he gets sick that it's his own fault and you will not have him in the house potentially infecting the kids and he's on his own (not draining the finances, somehow) until he gets better because you can't do it all. In theory, the right way to handle it is to actually have the conversation about you know he loves you and doesn't want to be a burden with something that is entirely preventable or god forbid, gives it to one of the kids. Or why you had it so you wouldn't want to be a burden to him if putting it on the other foot is better. The crazy rhetoric around all this is so high I can't imagine a scenario where another person can be convinced to change their mind on this topic. I am so so so sorry.

    I agree with everyone else saying DD is old enough to decide, and would absolutely take her to get it.

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