Help navigating MS girl drama

[mmsmom]

DD started a new school this year for 6th. She new some kids before she started and had a few social activities outside of school over the fall before Covid got worse. They were in school 1/2 time and just all went back full time about a month ago. So the A day and B day groups mixed and now there’s some drama. Seems to be pretty typical “she was mean to someone so I told her I didn’t want to be friends anymore” kinds of incidents. I’ve been suspicious that there is something going on with one friend as suddenly DD stopped talking about her or seeing her. DD and this friend do an activity together outside of school and were signed up for a camp for this activity together this summer. Friend’s mom just texted to tell me she canceled the camp for her DD. I responded that I really didn’t know what was going on but I am hoping they will work it out and that I would continue encouraging my DD to work it out. I talked to DD about making sure she is being kind and fair and inclusive but beyond that I really don’t want to be involved. But I feel horrible this mom is changing summer plans because of my DD. Any advice? I feel this is just the beginning of this drama phase.

[KpbS]

Did the mom who cancelled give a reason for cancelling? It could be something else entirely.

[hbridge]

First of all, hugs... it is so hard to know what to do.

Actually, it sounds like your DD is handling things well on her own. At this age, you can really just ask DD what is up and advise from home. BUT, it sounds like your DD has it completely under control.

As for the mom texting you to say she was cancelling camp... that could be anything from Covid, to scheduling issues, to the child not wanting to go... I would see it as a "heads up" that your DD won't have the "friend" at camp that she thought she would. Thank the mom, inform DD that the "friend" won't be there (DD may be relieved) and move on.

You are doing great and you CAN handle whatever drama comes your way. Just listen to DD and advise as needed. You've got this!

[gatorsmom]

You could reach out to the other moms and find out if your dd was alienating anyone or even unintentionally hurting someone’s feelings. I would want to know if my dd was making someone feel left out. Girls can be mean and need guidance on the best way to treat people at this age.

I was very intentionally left out in MS by 2 girls who were friends with me before they became friends with each other. It hurt for a long time. I actually think one of their mothers encouraged it. My mother was very hands-off. I felt alone in dealing with that and it was miserable. Having to figure that out on my own didn’t do me any good. It just made me feel like there was something wrong with me.

[hbridge]

Please be careful reaching out to the other moms... It can backfire. I reached out once when I overheard other parents discussing bullying by a group of girls her child was a part of. She immediately got defensive, called everyone (before even discussing it with her child) and never really talked to me again...this was friend.

On the flip side, I was called once about friendship issues when DC was in middle school. It was an uncomfortable conversation, made even more uncomfortable because DD was going through so much more than anyone knew and we were not ready to share her struggles.

I always advise to work with your child and try to help guide her. Looping the other parent in may not work they way you anticipate...