Force DD to Derm or Not?

[mom2binsd]

When DD was 11, she broke out in terrible acne almost overnight. We went to a dermatologist who prescribed Ampicillin as well as a facewash and clyndimyacin ointment and it really helped clear her acne quite quickly.

I would make an appointment, acne is a skin condition, just like any other illness/rash that should be addressed. Even worse it can scar and the social implications can be significant too, even if your DD doesn't see it. So opposite situation, but my DD's friend was so upset as her mom wouldn't take her to a derm (mom said acne was no big deal, money wasn't the issue mom didn't see why the girl was upset although she had had very large cystic acne). After about 2 years of asking she finally took her, but the scars are significant.

I would explain the medical implications and make sure the dermatologist is aware of your DD 's reluctantance.

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[KpbS]

Take her to the dermatologist. She will survive. She may even thank you or admit she overreacted/had nothing to worry about. Teen acne rarely gets better on its own.

[Green_Tea]

I have three teenagers. My oldest started struggling with acne when she was 16. It took a long time to convince her to see the derm.

If this were a life threatening condition I would absolutely force my kid to go. But say she goes under duress and she’s mad about it. Will she actually comply with a treatment plan under those circumstances? There really needs to be consistency and commitment for acne treatments to work. She needs to be on board.

[Gracemom]

Have you asked her (when she’s calm) what is it about going to the dermatologist she doesn’t like? Is it someone looking at her skin? Or does she feel under a microscope and critiqued? Maybe verbalize that it’s hard for lots of people but gets easier. And share your own experiences. Help her see why it’s important that she learn to care for her skin. My dd is 18 and now wishes I had taken her in earlier.

[petesgirl]

No advice on the current crisis but you have my sympathy. I also feel (on the daily) like my kids were sent to make me fail motherhood. Sometimes I have to make myself shrug things off and think, "That's something they will have to deal with in therapy later on. I'm doing my best."
Sending you virtual hugs!!

[mom2binsd]

Thank you everybody! For the helpful and calming words. Deep breaths. I always had dreams of raising a strong confident daughter and struggle figuring out how to help her when she’s so negative about everything and won’t even talk sometimes.

I think I’m going to combine a bribe with asking her to give this one appointment a chance. Then she can decide whether to return. Because I think it’s mostly about being shy and embarrassed. I did explain that I was just looking to find a local doctor since we can’t see the other one, but she was refusing to even respond to me.

She has been in person school almost all year but I think the masks provide some cover. I was actually trying to get an appointment so we could hopefully make some progress before next fall when I expect they will be maskless.

Re birth control options, will that require a pelvic exam with a gynecologist, because if I can barely get her to a Derm I don’t think I can face a gyn visit at this time.


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My DD has been on BC since age 16, due to very heavy and out of control periods, no pelvic exam needed. They tested her to make sure she wasn't anemic, but said at this time as she wasn't sexually active and it was for managing periods, they did not do a pelvic, pretty much what all of my friends have reported when their DD's started BC.

I would look at oral meds like Ampicillin though.

[Kestrel]

Yes to above - I was put on birth control pills at an early age (14 I think?). They did just the external portion where they pressed on my tummy, but no internal exam until years later.

[StantonHyde]

DD is 15 and I just could not take how much acne she had anymore. Doesn't bother her and she doesn't want to wash her face more. Argh. I made her go to the derm who said she had some scarring and that it was an issue. She gave her some soap samples plus Retin-A type cream, and lotion. We came home, bought soap and filled the antibiotics RX the doctor gave her. It was a miracle. Who would think that her mother actually maybe knew more than a You Tuber???????? She isn't entirely compliant, but it is better. She goes back in a couple of weeks and she can talk to the MD about why she hasn't done everything. The tools are in her hands and if she chooses not to use them, that is her issue. She does not want to go on Birth Control Pills and I won't make her. And Acutane (sp?) is totally a no-go in our family. Yes, the masks make it much easier to not worry about acne.

Have you ever tried having your DD see a therapist? To talk about her feelings, the shyness, being embarrassed etc? DD does see a therapist and the does help. (and she went on anti anxiety meds her freshman year) I think some of the "having acne" is a self-fulfilling prophecy or rebellion against societal expectations. If she has acne, then that's why people don't like her and that means they are shallow, etc. Instead of--I should take care of my acne because *I* like my face. And maybe I could be a little more outgoing and then I could make friends. Sigh

[hwin708]

I would absolutely make her go. I think the shyness around discussing "embarrassing" topics is very common, even in adults, so I think it's a very important thing to teach kids to confront. They don't learn it's not a big deal until they actually SEE it's not a big deal.

I would present it to her as a medical appointment, and that's that. We go to the doctor when we have skin conditions. They may be a sign of a more serious problem, they may lead to future issues, or they may just be no big deal at all and easily treated. We don't know until a doctor checks it out. If you really want to further sell the topic, I would suggest making an appointment with the dermatologist yourself, for a mole check. I am a believer in a yearly full body check. I would say that you yourself have slacked on going to the dermatologist as needed, but seeing a dermatologist is a routine thing that we all must do for our health.

All that being said, I would go in very sure that you think this doctor is good, both with her treatments and with her bedside manner. Because it will be doubly hard to get her to deal with this if this appointment goes badly. Another reason I would suggest going to the dermatologist yourself, to check her out before sending your teen there. And though it probably goes without saying, I would definitely recommend the doctor be a woman.

As for how other people get their teens to go to the doctor - I've never encountered a lot of pushback, but most of their friends go to a dermatologist. But I have had a door slammed and days of silent treatment for asking how a date went, so I think the general rule of thumb is just breathe. This too shall pass!

[SnuggleBuggles]

And though it probably goes without saying, I would definitely recommend the doctor be a woman.

I am not sure I agree with that. Because of our standards of beauty and the angst and frustration many teens feel around their looks (and acne making it even more stressful), if the female doctor is all perfect with great skin then that could make the teen feel even worse. They can’t help but compare themselves. Maybe for some they’d look at them and be inspired. But, it could totally go the other way. I’ve been there, done that. Sometimes a male doctor is just preferable.


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