Force DD to Derm or Not?

[carolinamama]

I am not sure I agree with that. Because of our standards of beauty and the angst and frustration many teens feel around their looks (and acne making it even more stressful), if the female doctor is all perfect with great skin then that could make the teen feel even worse. They can’t help but compare themselves. Maybe for some they’d look at them and be inspired. But, it could totally go the other way. I’ve been there, done that. Sometimes a male doctor is just preferable.


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Good point that I never considered, especially since derms will likely have great skin (hello, it's their job) and be put together. It would have been an issue for my awkward self at that age. Teen years are HARD. I don't think there is anything wrong with almost forcing the appointment in the name of taking care of herself. It is a medical issue, not only cosmetic.

Does she have any friends who see the derm? Teens will push back at us like it's their job but turn around and listen to a peer give the same info/advice.

[ang79]

I feel for you. My 14 yr. old DD1 has also fought against going to a derm. My compromise was trying Curology, which has helped, but not completely cured everything. She is getting a stronger medicated cream from them this week, so we are going to try that and if it doesn’t improve things more I think I am going to insist on trying a derm and get a recommendation from her ped’s office for one.


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[California]

I wonder if it’s a combo of her 1) thinking of the derm as a person who will criticize her and point out her flaws, rather than as an ally there to help her, and 2) having an appointment where she’ll have to consciously focus on her skin. I’m not sure that anything you say will transform her thoughts on this. I’d go with the matter-of-fact/bribe approach. Then cross your fingers that she makes a good connection with the doctor!

I definitely do not miss being a self conscious teen.

[Kindra178]

I am not sure I agree with that. Because of our standards of beauty and the angst and frustration many teens feel around their looks (and acne making it even more stressful), if the female doctor is all perfect with great skin then that could make the teen feel even worse. They can’t help but compare themselves. Maybe for some they’d look at them and be inspired. But, it could totally go the other way. I’ve been there, done that. Sometimes a male doctor is just preferable.


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Yes to this. Our derm is excellent but she is botox'ed within an inch of her life. Her face has zero discoloration, freckles, etc.

[georgiegirl]

Yes to this. Our derm is excellent but she is botox'ed within an inch of her life. Her face has zero discoloration, freckles, etc.

I have a neighbor who is a derm PA, and it’s a similar situation. She’s a redhead but no freckles, no skin imperfections, no wrinkles even though she’s almost 50.


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[gamma]

I wonder if she has heard someone mention that Dermatologists do full body checks? I could see the idea of that happening during an appointment being so frightening to a 13 year old!

[Moneypenny]

DD had acne flare up basically overnight in March 2020. It was several months before she would agree to go to a dermatologist, and it was only after I told her that she had no choice because it's a medical issue and we need to deal with medical issues in our life whether we want to or not. She finally admitted that she was just reluctant to admit that she had this problem and kept hoping it would just go away. She sees a male derm and I think it helps because he echoes my words about how this is just a very common physical issue that we deal with by trying various treatments until we find the one that works. She is on birth control now, which he prescribed with no physical exam needed. So, all that is to say that I'd make her go and I'd be as no-nonsense about it as possible. We have actually struggled to find an effective treatment for DD and she just started accutane last month, which is already helping.

[AnnieW625]

The derms I saw as adults had amazing skin, both blonde and blue eyes; they looked like swimsuit models. With one of them you could tell she had some mild acne scars but they were well hidden by concealer. I don’t know what my reaction would’ve been had I seen them at 15. Hope might have been it and I probably would’ve asked them how they got their skin clear and or why they became a dermatologist. The ones I saw when I was 15-21 year old were an older male, and a middle aged woman. Both the ones I saw were nice enough and I never felt intimidated by them. I did get frustrated when things didn’t work, but I had very stubborn acne that ended up needing Accutane at 18 and it helped a ton, but I had used pretty much every other topical and oral acne medicine available before trying it.

I would just tell your daughter that you need to take her to dermatologist and there is nothing wrong with going. I wish I would’ve gone at 13 vs. 15.


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[squimp]

Hmmm, my male dermatologist had the worst skin. Sending you hugs because it can be so hard raising teen girls.

If she really doesn't want to go, I would cancel the appointment. I think she needs to be on board with treatment. My DD talked with her friends about acne, learned who did what and we went from there. We knew who tried accutane and how it went. It can be viewed as a problem to be solved rather than a big embarassment. But I agree, it can be something you just want to bury your head in the sand about.

I don't know if they recommend BC for skin issues. But my DD started on BC when she was about that age because of really horrible terrible periods (it helped), and was never requierd to have a pelvic exam.

[gatorsmom]

Thank you everybody! For the helpful and calming words. Deep breaths. I always had dreams of raising a strong confident daughter and struggle figuring out how to help her when she’s so negative about everything and won’t even talk sometimes.

I think I’m going to combine a bribe with asking her to give this one appointment a chance. Then she can decide whether to return. Because I think it’s mostly about being shy and embarrassed. I did explain that I was just looking to find a local doctor since we can’t see the other one, but she was refusing to even respond to me.

She has been in person school almost all year but I think the masks provide some cover. I was actually trying to get an appointment so we could hopefully make some progress before next fall when I expect they will be maskless.

Re birth control options, will that require a pelvic exam with a gynecologist, because if I can barely get her to a Derm I don’t think I can face a gyn visit at this time.


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Oh, but you likely WILL have a strong confident daughter! Puberty is a process and she’s just at the beginning. I saw puberty turn my lively vivacious goofy boys into insecure, quiet kids. It takes time and loving parents. My boys are now so impressive! At 17 and 15 they have become used to puberty and are comfortable with themselves.

I wanted to add that you’ve had great advice here. We saw a derm several times for Ds1. He initially fought it. He said it didn’t matter, he didn’t care and didn’t wanna deal with it. I brought up the valid point that he might not care now but he might be annoyed by the scarring later. Also, having those painful cysts is annoying! The thing that seems to cure him, was an antibiotic called seracycline. I can’t remember how long he was on it (6 weeks? 3 months? Not sure), but it made a HUGE difference. That was 2 years ago and he hasn’t had cystic acne since. He’ll get a sprinkling of stress pimples around finals but that’s about it. Apparently some acne is caused by bacteria and nothing will kill it as effectively and quickly as around of antibiotics.