Keeping some of the aspects of the past 16 months?

[bisous]

I fear this may come off as selfish but I'm writing it out anyway. This past year has been so hard for everyone. Emotionally it maybe have been my hardest year yet. I'm not sure I made it through this time period "unscathed" and looking back sometimes I wish I did things differently. I wish I harbored less resentment for people around me among other things. But I will say I've put my whole soul into trying to make this a good experience for my family. I'm pretty exhausted and struggling to find the motivation to keep at my part time job (which is almost TOO flexible). But at the same time, I found some "me" time for the first time since I became a mom. I read novels again. I retire to my room at 9:00 even if the house is messy. I exercise. I prioritize cleaning on the weekends (which contradicts going to bed at 9:00 but a clean house is a "need" for me so it has to happen sometime!) and I think I'm in danger of losing this.

What is really getting to me is that before this all happened, my schedule was run by invitations from others. This sounds like a dumb thing to complain about but I received a lot of social invitations. Family stuff, acquaintances and church formed the bulk of this. I used to love those things and I do feel like I found joy in them but now....I'm not sure I want to invite so much of that back. I don't want to give up this weekend 20th anniversary lunch out with my husband to make room for the teen trip to the beach. I also don't want my teens to miss out on a trip with their friends to the beach!

This is just one example but....how do you balance it? Anyone just become more radically protective of their time? How did friends and family take it? Anyone choose to sacrifice their time for a short period instead? What motivated you to do it that way? How did you decide which way to go? Anyone else mourning the solitude of quarantine (while simultaneously wanting to relinquish the responsibility of being your children's social director at the same time)? I'd love a discussion on this.

I think the bane of my existence is lack of/last minute planning.

Would love any and all thoughts!

[DualvansMommy]

Well, I think everyone felt some degree of what you felt. No one came out of this pandemic unscathed; whether it’s physical, emotionally, financially, work and social lives. One of each or all of it in different varying degrees.

Having that said, I’m an introvert. I need alone time to thrive in a professional and social life, so I’ve always managed to carve out alone time for me. It’s just as important to me as going to the bathroom, I just make time for it period. Now it’s never consistent with frequency and length of it changing over the last 10 years. It was at its lowest while my kids were babies/toddlers. So I decline some invites with just a no, even the kids social invites especially when it involved lengthy drive trips, or competing with other things on calendar. I just tell my kids to invite a friend over or play outside with their neighbors, so I can have some quality time at home.

Also, since becoming 40, I just have fewer zero fcuks to give. Especially more so when I re-entered the workforce 3 years ago, which was a huge transition for me and the home life. I’m much better employee, mom, friend when I take care of myself first.


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[frugalmom]

I relate so much to what you are saying OP. Although the last year and half was really hard on me emotionally and brought me to a depression that i haven't ever had before. It was also really nice. I am sahm of 5 kids and it reminded me of the life I had when the kids were little. We homeschooled and we didn't do a lot of things because of money and they were so little. I napped everyday and we were not running in every direction. Right before covid our lives were nuts. We were commuting 2.5 hours or more every day of the week for an sport for my kids. I hate driving and yet I was the one to do it everyday. We never saw dh because he worked 2.5 hours away the opposite way. As much as I loved seeing my kids throw themselves into something they loved, it was killing me and it was so hard on our marriage.

As much as I hated the last 1.5 years being the one to come up with all the fun and safe things we could do, it is so relaxing not to have to run anywhere. On one hand I totally don't want to go back to normal. But on the other hand I want to make up time for all the things my kids lost so I am sure I will run to the bone to try and make up for that, even though I don't want to. In my heart I am introvert who needs time alone. I have missed that during covid. I love nothing then a totally silent house all to myself. The only time I get that is good weather when dh can take all the kids on a bike ride.

[mmsmom]

I feel pressure to do everything now especially when it involves the kids as they had to give up so much. I want them to be able to do everything that is offered right now. But my kids are of an age where them doing everything just requires me driving and dropping off. DH and my mom can also drive so between the 3 of us it is manageable.

But for myself, I often say no. I prioritize my marriage and family needs first. If something doesn’t fit with those or isn’t something I really want to do then I say no. I have always been this way though. I am an extrovert but also need alone time which I haven’t been getting. I have no issues saying no or canceling if I don’t feel like going (as long as it isn’t putting someone else out). There are things I want to do but don’t because of family priorities but for the most part I feel there is a balance. I also remind myself often that we only have 6 more years of kids being at home and that is such a short time. I want to spend all the time I can with them now and will have many years after they leave where my time is all mine again.

[gatorsmom]

I’m an introvert and love my quiet time but my kids are middle school and older. They are very capable of keeping themselves occupied and are frequently gone in a million directions. The biggest change that this past year brought about was that I was stuck at home with my kids and Dh. Frankly, I loved it. No chauffeuring anyone back and forth to activities, no pressure to keep the house up for guests, no deadlines on homework and projects. I went to bed on time (or not), we spent time together enjoying each others’ company, we spent time talking and discussing everything going on in the world and how people around us were handling it. I’ve said it before here several times but there has been so much that happened the past year that we are grateful for. It was a once-in-a-century pause of life. I know lots of people were hurt by it so I hope it doesn’t happen again but I can appreciate the opportunities it brought me and my family.

Now it’s over and it’s back to life as usual which is the way it needs to be. My kids have to go back to in-person school, they are starting up their activities, I’m getting back to work on my projects and Dh on his. But for 15 months, I got an unusual break and we managed to stay safe. Dh and I and the kids learned to appreciate the life we had before because suddenly it was missing. And now it’s back again after a nice break. We are so blessed.

[hellokitty]

Things have already kind of gone back into the full swing of things and I'm absolutely exhausted. Covid was a nightmare because I was a forced into being reassigned into a frontline clinical role, after not having been a clinican for 17 years. It has taken a giant toll on me, my mental and physical health have suffered. I now have zero problems turning off work mode and my attitude has changed toward work, I have a lot of trouble focusing as I try to return to my regular role, but I feel like my employer just needs to suck it up because they didn't care about the longterm toll that it would take on the select employees who had to endure this. I am not doing anything extra, I am not putting up with stupid things that I used to put up with. I am fed up and have such a short fuse now regarding work and the BS attached to it. So, yes I am guarding my time and boundaries much more. I also feel zero guilt about downtime. I felt like while everyone else had more downtime due to covid, I was busier than ever due to work and stress that affected me because of it. Yeah, I am so done. I feel like I've aged 5 extra years and I still effing pissed off at all of the antimaskers, insurectionists, the people attacking asians so i don't even feel safe letting my kids wait for the bus. All the assholes that made covid so much worse for those of us who had to take on the burden of people choosing not to be decent human beings. I'm just angry.

We go on vacation next month and I am so excited. I need to get away from my everyday environment. If I could take a sabbatical I'd 100% do it right now.

[nfceagles]

Things have already kind of gone back into the full swing of things and I'm absolutely exhausted. Covid was a nightmare because I was a forced into being reassigned into a frontline clinical role, after not having been a clinican for 17 years. It has taken a giant toll on me, my mental and physical health have suffered. I now have zero problems turning off work mode and my attitude has changed toward work, I have a lot of trouble focusing as I try to return to my regular role, but I feel like my employer just needs to suck it up because they didn't care about the longterm toll that it would take on the select employees who had to endure this. I am not doing anything extra, I am not putting up with stupid things that I used to put up with. I am fed up and have such a short fuse now regarding work and the BS attached to it. So, yes I am guarding my time and boundaries much more. I also feel zero guilt about downtime. I felt like while everyone else had more downtime due to covid, I was busier than ever due to work and stress that affected me because of it. Yeah, I am so done. I feel like I've aged 5 extra years and I still effing pissed off at all of the antimaskers, insurectionists, the people attacking asians so i don't even feel safe letting my kids wait for the bus. All the assholes that made covid so much worse for those of us who had to take on the burden of people choosing not to be decent human beings. I'm just angry.

We go on vacation next month and I am so excited. I need to get away from my everyday environment. If I could take a sabbatical I'd 100% do it right now.

I’m so sorry. I have so much resentment and disappointment in humanity to the point I think I might be depressed for the 1st time in my life. But I never had to work to exhaustion to pay the price for people’s choices. For me it was just an emotional response and sense of loss of faith in people. I can’t imagine all that amplified by your circumstances.


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[gatorsmom]

Things have already kind of gone back into the full swing of things and I'm absolutely exhausted. Covid was a nightmare because I was a forced into being reassigned into a frontline clinical role, after not having been a clinican for 17 years. It has taken a giant toll on me, my mental and physical health have suffered. I now have zero problems turning off work mode and my attitude has changed toward work, I have a lot of trouble focusing as I try to return to my regular role, but I feel like my employer just needs to suck it up because they didn't care about the longterm toll that it would take on the select employees who had to endure this. I am not doing anything extra, I am not putting up with stupid things that I used to put up with. I am fed up and have such a short fuse now regarding work and the BS attached to it. So, yes I am guarding my time and boundaries much more. I also feel zero guilt about downtime. I felt like while everyone else had more downtime due to covid, I was busier than ever due to work and stress that affected me because of it. Yeah, I am so done. I feel like I've aged 5 extra years and I still effing pissed off at all of the antimaskers, insurectionists, the people attacking asians so i don't even feel safe letting my kids wait for the bus. All the assholes that made covid so much worse for those of us who had to take on the burden of people choosing not to be decent human beings. I'm just angry.

We go on vacation next month and I am so excited. I need to get away from my everyday environment. If I could take a sabbatical I'd 100% do it right now.

I’m so sorry and can only say thank you for all your hard work. I have 2 good friends who are mothers and physicians and were frontline workers. They both said they are completely burnt out. They scrambled to save lives for the past year and now that life is back to normal, they are scrambling with their kids. They both seriously need a break and it sounds like you do too. They both said that with many people scheduling checkups and appointments that they put off this past year, they find their lives aren’t slowing down at all. They were hoping with fewer positive cases their hectic lives would calm down… no such luck. I’m so sorry and please know how grateful we are for our vigilant healthcare professionals. You all deserve to be recognized.