WWYD: Family Gathering

[Liziz]

We're in such a weird time for events and gatherings and such. I realize it's too late for this, but right now I think it's important to think through risk tolerance before planning any gatherings. If the guest of honor (or other must-be-there-guests) will be uncomfortable at an indoor gathering w/ unvaccinated people (which is totally understandable), then they should either plan an outdoor gathering, or be clear about vaccination requirements when creating the guest list and inviting people (I'm sure some will disagree, but I don't think it's horrible to only invite vaccinated people). It would be rude and a disappointment to an attendee to be invited, RSVP and plan to come, and then be disinvited after the fact.

Based on where you're at now -
*my personal risk tolerance would be okay with the party as is, as long as it was an adult-only party/my kids weren't attending (they are too young to be vaccinated) -- I'm pretty confident in the protection I get from the vaccine and the protection it provides against transmission, so the major burden of risk is on the unvaccinated family, and I'm at the point I feel that every gets to make their own choices about risk
*I think it's totally legit/not rude to do a "we're following CDC guidelines for this event" and a reminder that unvaccinated people must wear masks -- but I think the likelyhood of it being done and being done well is low and you risk an uncomfortable situation at the event itself that singles out the unvaccinated family. First, b/c they'd be the only people wearing masks, and then second, because what happens if they wear them, but incorrectly? If you don't have someone willing to constantly be saying "please put your mask back on, please put your mask over your nose" then I don't really get the point of asking them to wear them -- and I think you risk REALLY alienating this family if you decide to have someone police them (and only them!) all night
*Ideally, the gathering could be outside, at which point this all becomes a non-issue to me and I'd have no issues, even with my unvaccinated children attending.
*Another less alienating option is just to ask that EVERYONE wear masks -- "the guest of honor is recently recovering from surgery, so in an abundance of caution, we ask that all attendees wear masks when not eating" -- that doesn't alienate anyone, and it's also way easier to enforce it if you're doing it to everyone, not just one single family. This also fits w/ my own personal philosophy that I'm totally okay to ask others to wear masks around me -- but only if I'm willing to wear one too.


I also agree with PP's comment that you should understand the guest of honor's opinions on this -- my 76 yo aunt is kind of like PP's mom -- she's careful, but at this point she'd prefer to go back to living "normally" even if it's a little less safe for her -- she vaccinated, but happily sees my unvaccinated DDs now, b/c missing another year with them isn't worth it to her. If the guest of honor feels like this too, then move on as planned.

[hwin708]

I can't believe these posts. Can you even understand the discriminatory tone of this?

Sit in a corner masked? Do you even want them as family? Perhaps you can affix a nice button for them to wear to denote their status. Nice way to "other" people especially family.

Oh yes, the horror and the indignity... of asking your family to respect CDC guidelines.

All the restaurants here are following CDC guidelines. Fully open to the vaccinated, asking unvaccinated to continue to mask and stay in small groups, socially distancing from others. Their business, their rules. I would simply tell the relatives that the restaurant is following CDC recommendations and so of course, as they are unvaccinated, they will need to be masked and socially distanced from the others. Unless they were planning to lie about their vaccination status, that should have been what they expected to do.

[pinkmomagain]

Thanks, everyone, for weighing in. The guest of honor is very conscious about staying well (*not* saying "well, I have to just live my life. whatever happens happens") and they will follow their adult children's guidance about what is safe/not safe to do. The issue also is that guests close in relation to the GOH are taking issue with the unvaxed attending.

I realized that the restaurant for the event does have an outdoor area, so perhaps if we are able to be seated there, it will alleviate some of the worry. And if it must be indoors, then we'll emphasize that the location is following CDC guidelines so if unvaxed, masks must be worn unless seated, and perhaps have tables broken up so that the unvaxed fam will have their own table.

[ahisma]

Any chance they'd be open to testing before the gathering? Just brainstorming solutions...

[pinkmomagain]

Any chance they'd be open to testing before the gathering? Just brainstorming solutions...

Oh, this hadn't crossed my mind at all. Thanks for this idea to consider!

[jgenie]

Oh, this hadn't crossed my mind at all. Thanks for this idea to consider!

Just remember testing would show if they were infected at time of test. They could leave testing site and move around as usual and pick it up before the party.

[ncat]

I can't believe these posts. Can you even understand the discriminatory tone of this?

Sit in a corner masked? Do you even want them as family? Perhaps you can affix a nice button for them to wear to denote their status. Nice way to "other" people especially family.

Because this is an entire family who is not vaccinated, I'm assuming that it isn't specific individual health conditions preventing them from being vaccinated. I am really angry with my immediate family member who is refusing vaccination! I see it as outright disregard for the health of our family and community. People who refuse to get vaccinated are "othering" themselves in my opinion.

[marymoo86]

Oh yes, the horror and the indignity... of asking your family to respect CDC guidelines.

All the restaurants here are following CDC guidelines. Fully open to the vaccinated, asking unvaccinated to continue to mask and stay in small groups, socially distancing from others. Their business, their rules. I would simply tell the relatives that the restaurant is following CDC recommendations and so of course, as they are unvaccinated, they will need to be masked and socially distanced from the others. Unless they were planning to lie about their vaccination status, that should have been what they expected to do.

Because CDC guidelines are what? Vaccinated people are dying of covid. if the guest is so high risk then perhaps this isn't a smart call to do something indoors. Why should family have tonrisjntheorbwitha. vaccine that's questionable?

[marymoo86]

Because this is an entire family who is not vaccinated, I'm assuming that it isn't specific individual health conditions preventing them from being vaccinated. I am really angry with my immediate family member who is refusing vaccination! I see it as outright disregard for the health of our family and community. People who refuse to get vaccinated are "othering" themselves in my opinion.

maybe you are the jerk here? I see it as outright disregard of people wanting other to chance their health with a vaccine if they are not at risk of a vaccine. Especially bone that has the issues and new tech as this one. I'd tell you sayonara.

[SnuggleBuggles]

maybe you are the jerk here? I see it as outright disregard of people wanting other to chance their health with a vaccine if they are not at risk of a vaccine. Especially bone that has the issues and new tech as this one. I'd tell you sayonara.

Wow.

Folks that are choosing not to get vaccinated should accept that others might not want to include them. Vaccination is your choice. As are the consequences of your decision.