Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 22
  1. #1
    bisous is online now Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    .
    Posts
    13,066

    Default Do you let your family pay for you?

    My Dad is very comfortable financially. While we're in a much better position than we have been, things are still tight around here. We're getting together for a weekend this summer with my brother, SIL, and sister and Dad and SM, now that all the adults are vaccinated. My sister is single and my brother is recently married and has a 1yo. Both of them will stay at my Dad's house. I will probably need to get a hotel. My Dad is offering to pay for us. This will help a lot! The hotel stay is looking to be around $300 a night.

    Part of me feels like at 45yo I should be able (and be proud!) to pay my own way. This will be a splurge for us, but isn't impossible. Would you let your Dad pay? It will be pretty much nothing for him. And in fairness, my other siblings will be staying at the house. The length of our stay might be determined by this as well. We will likely only stay one night if we pay but could stay longer if that wasn't an issue (though of course I don't want to take advantage of their generosity either!)

    By the way, staying in our own place would absolutely make the stay so much more enjoyable for us! Having our own spot versus trying to shoehorn into the parents house would be so much nicer! This will be the first time we try this.

    WWYD?

  2. #2
    Philly Mom is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Posts
    5,328

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by bisous View Post
    My Dad is very comfortable financially. While we're in a much better position than we have been, things are still tight around here. We're getting together for a weekend this summer with my brother, SIL, and sister and Dad and SM, now that all the adults are vaccinated. My sister is single and my brother is recently married and has a 1yo. Both of them will stay at my Dad's house. I will probably need to get a hotel. My Dad is offering to pay for us. This will help a lot! The hotel stay is looking to be around $300 a night.

    Part of me feels like at 45yo I should be able (and be proud!) to pay my own way. This will be a splurge for us, but isn't impossible. Would you let your Dad pay? It will be pretty much nothing for him. And in fairness, my other siblings will be staying at the house. The length of our stay might be determined by this as well. We will likely only stay one night if we pay but could stay longer if that wasn't an issue (though of course I don't want to take advantage of their generosity either!)

    By the way, staying in our own place would absolutely make the stay so much more enjoyable for us! Having our own spot versus trying to shoehorn into the parents house would be so much nicer! This will be the first time we try this.

    WWYD?
    I have no problem accepting the generosity of family. My parents would do the same for me as your dad is offering. My brother rented a house in quarantine last year. I stayed in it without contributing to the cost. He is substantially more comfortable than I am and had no problem with that. I would not think about it for another second. Enjoy the trip!

  3. #3
    SnuggleBuggles is online now Black Diamond level (25,000+ posts)
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    .
    Posts
    44,893

    Default

    After dh and i got engaged his parents took us out to dinner. When it came time to pay, my FIL to be said, "my parents still pay for us; we will pay for you."
    My MIL just paid 80% of our beach house rental too. Plenty of parents pay for family vacations- my bf has gone on trips they could never dream of affording with 4 kids because one set of parents always paid.
    If he wants to pay, let him. I fully intend to pay for my adult kids whenever it makes sense too.

  4. #4
    bisous is online now Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    .
    Posts
    13,066

    Default

    That makes me feel better! Thanks guys!

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    ...
    Posts
    5,513

    Default

    My parents pay for a lot. Like an embarrassing amount compared to a $300 hotel room. It’s fine. For the most part my sibling and I get the same but they are much better off and I know I get a bit more. Sometimes I feel like I should be an adult who pays for my own things but honestly it seems to make everyone happy the current way things are arranged. I wouldn’t worry at all, but would make sure to be appreciative of the help.
    momma to DD 12/08 & DS 3/13

  6. #6
    Kestrel is offline Platinum level (1000+ posts)
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    1,759

    Default

    I would have no problem accepting such an offer. My folks know more about my struggles than is probably healthy for them. I am blessed with supportive parents.

    Be extra careful that the littles don't damage anything in the room (spills, ect) that could be charged to the room; that would be embarassing for me.

  7. #7
    gymnbomb is online now Emerald level (3000+ posts)
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Posts
    3,767

    Default

    My parents and my in laws both have more money than we do, but we are quite comfortable. Our general policy is that we donít ask for money, we regularly make sure they know we donít expect them to pay for a lot of stuff, but we accept their generosity if they are still offering after that. Sometimes this means they pay for us to fly to see them or they pay to rent a big house we all stay in for vacation or my mom and I go on a trip together and we both contribute toward the cost but she pays more than her half.

    We have discussed this with them enough to know that they wouldnít offer if they didnít truly mean it, and that it makes them happy to be able to spoil us sometimes because when we were kids they didnít necessarily have the kind of disposable income they have now. In the case of my in laws they are also very big on being fair, so we have gotten some generous financial gifts just because they had already given some to SIL and her family and wanted to make it even (I am an only child so that isnít a factor with my parents).


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
    DS 2/14
    DD 8/17

  8. #8
    niccig is offline Clean Sweep forum moderator
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Location
    CA.
    Posts
    22,635

    Default

    As long as they donít hold it over my head later on, Iíd be ok with this arrangement. We going on vacation with MIL, sheís insisting on paying for half the accommodation though sheís only 1/4 the guests. We wonít let her, already paid for on our credit card, sheíll pay for some meals. When we visit her later in the summer, sheíll pay for other things. She helps out DHís sisters more than us. We donít need the help and prefer she spends the money on herself, but she wants to be fair too, so we let her pay for somethings.


    Sent from my iPhone using Baby Bargains

  9. #9
    California is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Posts
    2,616

    Default

    Yes, I would accept that gift. Your dad benefits in that he gets to have his family together. I did this for my brother when I wanted his family to come on vacations and he was back in school changing careers. I loved having his family there and would do it again in a heartbeat!

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    4,340

    Default

    It sounds like a sincere offer. Your dad wants your family there for a nice visit and wishes to help it happen. In that case, I'd take him up on the offer and enjoy hanging out with everyone.

    My parents are well-off and we allow them to pay for expensive meals out and other things here and there. My MIL is a single, retired school teacher. We switched years ago to paying for her at restaurants or on vacation. Everyone gives or accepts gratefully as we are glad for each other.
    Mom to Two Wild and Crazy Boys and One Sweet Baby Girl

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •