Update Post 33. Eagle Scout Question?

[bisous]

New update post 39

Just put in an extension...we'll see if it is granted!


See update in post 33

DS1 SAYS he wants to finish his Eagle Scout award. He's 17.5 and will be a Senior next year. All he has left for his Eagle is the project! BUT DS1 is also going through a bit of a mental health crisis. We'll see if the summer changes things. Here's the thing. DH is not sure he wants DS1 to expend his energy in this particular area right now. DS1 has serious ADHD, Anxiety, OCD, and (although less relevant here) Type 1 Diabetes. He's doing great in school but his practical skills are really quite poor. DH would rather see DS1 getting a job and learning to drive, rather than getting his Eagle Scout award!

I see his point. I also want to see him doing these things. Yet, he's so close to finishing. And also, I think Scouting is good for developing people skills, leadership, etc. DS1 says he loves scouting, but honestly I think it is something that he sort of likes doing but doesn't LOVE. As such, he would work on his Eagle Project if I asked him to but he isn't begging for it. DH wants him to beg for it. I see DH's point about putting a priority on a job and driving. But I also think that gently nudging DS1 to finish his Eagle would be good for him in many ways. It would be good to finish what he started (he's so close!) but I also think that the process is a good experience, requiring him to show leadership but also to interface with people in ways that will help him grow.

So, considering his mental health struggles and his age, do you think I should just let him lead me on this one? Or do you think a gentle nudge is ok? DH is team let him lead, I'm inclined to nudge. FWIW, DS2 is VERY active in his current troop (Patrol Leader) and is totally gung ho. It would be convenient to have the two boys in the program at the same time!

Would welcome your thoughts!

ETA: I just realized, I'm probably asking the wrong question. My real problem right now is that DH really doesn't want to continue to pay for scouting when DS is not doing these other things. I very definitely think he should keep with it for just a few more months at least, right? Then after that I really do think DS1 (with small reminders, helps) will get his Eagle. DS1 claims he really wants to prioritize this. But DH wants him to BEG for it. Partly because he knows that DS2 would absolutely get in his face every five seconds if there was something that he wanted. But DS1 isn't like that at all. I am going to push for letting him stick with scouts! Our dues are like $20 a month or something tiny!

[o_mom]

No great advice. We are in almost the same situation.

This last year has been hard on DS1. If he shows initiative on the project but can't quite get it done, we will file an extension for him (they are pretty much granting any extensions that say COVID right now), but I need it to come from him.

[SnuggleBuggles]

He’s so close. I’d push him to finish.


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[carolinamama]

The thought that kept running through my head while reading your post was that I think you should encourage DS1 to finish. Especially because of his mental health struggles. Finishing a project that he's worked towards for so many years may give him a sense of accomplishment. Will you have to nudge? Probably, but think of your role as scaffolding and setting him up for success. It's a big deal and a good step working towards the future for him. After this past year, many of our teens are waffling a bit. Getting back out into the world, making decisions and going after a goal will probably be challenging to them. I suspect we will need to push and nudge many. My DS1 is going to be in for some tougher times this fall for sure, even though he's done great academically.

Getting a job and driving are important too but take it one step at a time. Maybe you can slowly work on the driving but I'm not sure how it works in your state. We took DS1 to an empty school parking lot multiple times to practice before he took drivers ed. It helped with his stress and it's all been a smoother process than I anticipated (he has his learners permit). He has anxiety and is tightly wound.

[AnnieW625]

I would want him to finish the Eagle Scout as well. That will stay with him for life; a part time summer job....maybe but the Eagle Scout is an amazing accomplishment. It will look good on college apps., and intern applications, and part time jobs in college that will mean something. I think it will help his mental health a ton as well. Job wise see if he can do something for your church or neighbors/friends/family members like mowing lawns, dog sitting, etc. .


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[ett]

He’s so close. I’d push him to finish.


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Yup, I would absolutely encourage him to finish. It would look very good for college applications. He has 6 months left before his 18th birthday to get it done which is very doable if all he has is the Eagle project. I'd try to get the project done over the summer as fall semester of senior year is very busy and there is a lot of paperwork to do after the project too. Your DS will lose this opportunity once he turns 18. You don't want him to look back and regret not even attempting to finish when he is so, so close. There will always be time afterwards to get a job and learn to drive.

[gymnbomb]

If he has expressed any interest at all in doing it, I would nudge him to do it. Finishing what he started is a big mental boost and an important life lesson. (If he showed no interest at all I would let it go)


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[lizzywednesday]

I took the Silver Award and Gold Award Advisor trainings for Girl Scouts last summer and the one thing that the trainer emphasized with these kinds of awards projects is that the Scout completing them should be passionate about their issue, highly organized with respect to time & assistance, and self-motivated.

It's my opinion that, based on what you've written here, your DS1 doesn't have this kind of drive and should focus on getting the other parts of his life together instead. Either way, it's going to be a big project, whether it's self-care or a long-term thing for your community, and he should be fully invested in it first.

[gatorsmom]

I would want him to finish the Eagle Scout as well. That will stay with him for life; a part time summer job....maybe but the Eagle Scout is an amazing accomplishment. It will look good on college apps., and intern applications, and part time jobs in college that will mean something. I think it will help his mental health a ton as well. Job wise see if he can do something for your church or neighbors/friends/family members like mowing lawns, dog sitting, etc. .


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THIS. Push him to get his project done. It’s hard getting to this point with all the merit badge and rank requirements. If he’s done all that, he should try to finish it. He can get a job afterwards, he get his license afterwards. There are no expiration dates on those activities. But he only gets one chance to see this through. Urge him to make this a goal. Give him advice on how to get started. The first few steps of any project are always the hardest. Give him some advice and reminders as he is moving forward on this. Once he’s outlined his plan and made a few moves, he will see that this is doable and he will pick up speed. This will give him confidence.

My DS1 dragged his feet something terrible on this. He struggles with depression and procrastinates a LOT. I pushed him to contact his troop leaders. I reminded him to set up meetings with people, I pushed him to create a plan, told him how to find numbers for people to contact about projects, reminded him to return emails, etc. Dh and I were involved a lot in the beginning. But he found his confidence after he made 3 fundraising presentations to local businesses. They praised him and gushed to us over his speeches. Now he is running this project 100% himself. Now He’s excited about it, organized and making progress. He will get it done in the next month- 6weeks which is a little more than a month before his 18th birthday. It took some serious pushing at first but now he’s found his momentum. I suspect your DS and DH will get more involved and excited about this too, once your ds takes the initial steps forward. GL!

[belovedgandp]

I'd do a hard nudge. The mental health boost of completing something is no small thing.

I will also add that BSA treats the 18th birthday as an extremely hard deadline. My brother had an outdoor project 6 days before his 18th birthday and I've never seen my mother stress about weather more in my life. He had to get everything written up and turned in before the 18th birthday no extensions possible. Admittedly this was in the mid-90s and we're not in scouting now, but it was a definite drop dead date.