How to deal with this?

[doberbrat]

I guess I wasnt clear - is your daughter bothered? Or just theirs? because it comes across to me as TOTALLY a THEM problem. HER daughter wants to socialize and yours isnt available.... which simply isnt your problem regardless of anything else.

I still think you are 100% 'in the right'. So to speak. You didnt ask her for advice and I would ignore her completely. If you are wondering if there is a grain of truth there, ask your daughter. IF she feels deprived in any way, maybe find some way to work something in. Although personally, I'd steer her towards a friend with a less obnoxious parent!

[twowhat?]

I guess I wasnt clear - is your daughter bothered? Or just theirs? because it comes across to me as TOTALLY a THEM problem. HER daughter wants to socialize and yours isnt available.... which simply isnt your problem regardless of anything else.

I still think you are 100% 'in the right'. So to speak. You didnt ask her for advice and I would ignore her completely. If you are wondering if there is a grain of truth there, ask your daughter. IF she feels deprived in any way, maybe find some way to work something in. Although personally, I'd steer her towards a friend with a less obnoxious parent!

omg this is not a bad point hahahaha. It would kind of suck for her to be friends with a parent that is so judgey!!! But really, if your daughter likes this girl and wants to hang out with her, I'd also find a way for it to happen.

[California]

I have some expectations academically as well and she is expected to meet them. My expectations are not unreasonable where I want her to do something beyond her ability, skills or liking. But just regular schoolwork that she can sail through without any effort and rest free time to use as she wishes is not what I find acceptable. She needs to challenge herself academically, and do some extracurriculars of her choice. And although she is not playing any sport competitively, she would like to play one sport well and also for physical activity.
That said, I totally see the point most of you made regarding the importance of socializing. I agree that is an important aspect and one that I need to be mindful of and I admit our current schedule is making it difficult. I’m going to look for ways to work it into our schedule. It may mean we cut down on some activities and I’m open to that as well.


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Did she qualify for your state's version of gifted and talented education (GATE)? GATE teachers get training on how to enrich course material- which is not the same as piling on extra work- for GATE students. If she's not identified as a GATE student, you could still try to get her with GATE certified teachers to see if they could make the work she's doing during the school day more challenging and interesting for her.

I see so much love and attention in your care for your kids. Putting my teacher hat on, please know that having fun on the weekends is truly beneficial to your kids. It sounds like you are interested in adding this into your schedule. Think of it as time benefiting the emotional and overall development of your children. Here is a good academic article on the benefits of play: https://pediatrics.aappublications.o...tent/119/1/182

From what you've written, I would recommend dipping your toes in with something that is fun and clearly has an educational component - such as a hands-on science museum, an art experience, a junior ranger program at a state/county/national park, or historical festival days.

[dogmom]

I think in general the way to deal with things like this is to ask questions instead of argue. Oh, I can see that being the case, but everything is so individually. How do you work it in your family? Nod and look thoughtful. How do you tell if your kids is stressed? Listen. Well, that’s a lot to think about, I probably need some time to digest this. Maybe I’ll talk to my DH and/or DD. Thank you, it’s also good to get another perspective. This parenting thing is so hard. Change the subject.

Do I always manage this? No. But the reality is almost all opinions you can learn something from. Even if they are so out there you can learn the, well that went to far, I should check that some of my opinions don’t go too far so I don’t sound like them. If full disclosure if you actually used the word “lazy” to describe you child it would have been triggering for me. My youngest is very challenging I have made a concerted effort over the years to always describe their behavior in terms of how I respond to it (like: their mood swings can be challenging to me and exhausting) vs ascribing negative values to the child. Also, people often think nothing of blasting parents for “conventional wisdom”, like ever kids has to play sports or limiting kids time on devices. I know our limit device limit is way past others. I usually just nod and say pass the bean dip. My kids are 15 & 18 now. They are really good kids and people are impressed with them. People keep thinks my youngest is in college and he’s not big or anything. It’s just the way he interacts and he was my challenging child. There are lots of ways to raise children. So I think it might also be helpful to reflect if there have been times that you may have put out a judgmental vibe on you side that you didn’t mean to. This is to blame you, but we should always be looking to do better with others, especially now.

[mommy111]

I guess I wasnt clear - is your daughter bothered? Or just theirs? because it comes across to me as TOTALLY a THEM problem. HER daughter wants to socialize and yours isnt available.... which simply isnt your problem regardless of anything else.

I still think you are 100% 'in the right'. So to speak. You didnt ask her for advice and I would ignore her completely. If you are wondering if there is a grain of truth there, ask your daughter. IF she feels deprived in any way, maybe find some way to work something in. Although personally, I'd steer her towards a friend with a less obnoxious parent!

This
unless your life is completely and inextricably linked with them and there are no other friend options for your DD, I would steer DD away from this friend. There are too many fish in the pond to hang out with the one who has an obnoxious mom. It will only get worse with time and with higher academic stakes
Which is totally different from the question of whether your daughter feels overloaded, which is not what you were asking for but you could sort out with a simple conversation with her: do you like your activities? If you could, is there something you would want to get rid of and replace with something else? Done