Tweens/Teens and sexual identity

[SnuggleBuggles]

I agree it sounds terrible! Is there another word that means phase? I tell my kids that sexuality is a continuum so what you might feel now might now be how you always may feel. It's not a black and white thing. But it may be. All that said, it appears to be super trendy right now for girls to identify as gay or bi and refusing to accept the pronouns she/her. I am not seeing that same trend with boys.

One of ds1's good friends, a college sophomore, was complaining that she was straight. She felt like there was something wrong with her and wished she could at least be bi.

[lizzywednesday]

Tell her you love and support her as often as you possibly can. The fact that she told you, and trusted you, shows courage and openness, and you want to keep those channels of communication open and safe... Congrats on parenting a kid who is confident and trusts you with her truths!

BTW, I didn't mean to come off harsh in my post (worried that I had, but it is SO very important to not "out" people for safety and support reasons) but the fact that your kid told you means you're doing something really right - she feels safe and supported to share her news with you.

[essnce629]

All that said, it appears to be super trendy right now for girls to identify as gay or bi and refusing to accept the pronouns she/her. I am not seeing that same trend with boys.

I would agree with this and so would 18 year old DS1. So many of the girls from his elementary and middle school have come out as lesbian, bi, or trans but none of the boys. DS says it's more "acceptable" with the girls, not so much with the boys, who he thinks would be more likely to be made fun of. My best friend has a 14 year old DD and she said all her DDs friends have proclaimed that they are lesbian or bi. I've wondered if sometimes it's a coping mechanism to deal with unwanted attention from boys? Like if you proclaim you're lesbian at 13 years old, you no longer have to deal with boys in your class asking you out, etc? Puberty is such a rough time and perhaps in some ways proclaiming you're lesbian makes it easier to navigate by taking boys off the table?

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[DualvansMommy]

Fluidity is a word I hear a lot from the younger generation. I like that term to replace phase, as it’s rather apt to describe a black and white situation at first glance to be very much gray area.

Exploration isn’t a word I would describe or use personally as it just sound temporary to me. It may be temporary for many on the journey but it’s not my place to say that though, only the person who’s experiencing it get the final say on words to describe their journeys.


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[gatorsmom]

I would agree with this and so would 18 year old DS1. So many of the girls from his elementary and middle school have come out as lesbian, bi, or trans but none of the boys. DS says it's more "acceptable" with the girls, not so much with the boys, who he thinks would be more likely to be made fun of. My best friend has a 14 year old DD and she said all her DDs friends have proclaimed that they are lesbian or bi. I've wondered if sometimes it's a coping mechanism to deal with unwanted attention from boys? Like if you proclaim you're lesbian at 13 years old, you no longer have to deal with boys in your class asking you out, etc? Puberty is such a rough time and perhaps in some ways proclaiming you're lesbian makes it easier to navigate by taking boys off the table?

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I could definitely see this being the case and especially for girls who are developing earlier or for whose development is very pronounced. In college, one of my roommates actually strapped her breasts down with some sort of bandages and said she had always done this because her breasts grew so big so early and she was very self conscious. She said boys would make jokes about her all the time. Imagine being able to avoid all of that by saying your are a lesbian- sorry boys, I’m not interested. That could be very empowering.

[Globetrotter]

I would agree with this and so would 18 year old DS1. So many of the girls from his elementary and middle school have come out as lesbian, bi, or trans but none of the boys. DS says it's more "acceptable" with the girls, not so much with the boys, who he thinks would be more likely to be made fun of. My best friend has a 14 year old DD and she said all her DDs friends have proclaimed that they are lesbian or bi. I've wondered if sometimes it's a coping mechanism to deal with unwanted attention from boys? Like if you proclaim you're lesbian at 13 years old, you no longer have to deal with boys in your class asking you out, etc? Puberty is such a rough time and perhaps in some ways proclaiming you're lesbian makes it easier to navigate by taking boys off the table?

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interesting.. my friend’s college aged dd thinks she might be bi, but in her case she is unsure and exploring. I can imagine the younger generation feels a lot more freedom to explore their sexuality since it’s more acceptable. It may or may not be temporary- how would they know? I guess the key is to take it seriously and not dismiss it. I know someone my age who did back in the day and decided it wasn’t for her, but it wasn’t typical for people to talk about it.