Would like your thoughts about this…
Update- I just wanted to post a disappointing update and ask for prayers and PT. I decided to keep the discussion of this matter inside our troop unless I needed to escalate it. I had asked 2 parents that I know in the boys’ troop if they thought I was overreacting and they both were livid something like that nearly happened. After talking to them and reassuring them it wouldn’t ever happen, I met with the other troop leaders.
The discussions did not go well. All of the troop leaders except for one, thought I was overreacting. They wouldn’t even admit it was a bad idea. I was really surprised. When I tried to get some reassurance that a rule specific to our troop would prevent something like this from happening in the future, they resisted. Nothing reassuring came out of this. Instead, they mentioned that because I asked the other troops’ parents their opinion, they now needed to do damage control (although, I’m not sure what kind of damage control they plan to do without promising it won’t happen again). I pointed out that they would have a LOT more damage control to do if I hadn’t stopped the prank from happening. One member agreed the prank was a bad idea.
Instead they thought I should become safety coordinator since I’m the one that is concerned with following rules and keeping members safe. When toward the end of the meeting I sort of tried out my new role by offering thoughts and concerns about a project they want to do, I was sort of told that my concerns weren’t a big deal. They really didn’t want to hear from me. The project they are proposing is for the 11 scouts to have a 3-5 hour babysitting drop off for parents to go Christmas shopping. The girls are newly trained in babysitting. They want the kids to babysit in the school gym. They don’t want to listen to concerns about diapering, how to keep kids busy, how to keep babies and toddlers safe in the gym. They don’t want to discuss the upfront details. They just want to push ahead and say, “it’ll be fine. We will roll with it.” Since concerns weren’t being heard, I saw this as an indicator that I wouldn’t be heard in the future.
For that and other reasons today I resigned from DD’s troop’s Leadership Committee. I am often very detail-focused and that serves me very well as a volunteer for other activities. There are plenty of activities that aren’t agonizing for me where my participation is appreciated. Dh and I have decided that if we can’t find a different bsa troop that is better organized, we will simply attend the meetings and functions that can help dd with her advancement while avoiding the potential disasters. Thank God he and I are in agreement that this troop is badly managed and an accident waiting to happen. He sees it too. It really helps when you aren’t the only person standing alone against an angry group. And thank you for the advice and support here. The last 2 weeks of discussions about this with the other troop leaders had been miserable. Being the whistleblower sucks.
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Last night, my daughter’s bsa scout troop was camping at local camp ground with some other troops. An adult male who helps our troop and my boys’ troop with certain difficult merit badges was there helping us and stayed for dinner. He came up with an idea for an activity to do on the spot and our troop leader agreed it sounded like a fun idea. They’d started to get the girls excited and planning to do their idea. I whole-heartedly disagreed with this idea and told them so with one other parent listening as well as all the girls. The male volunteer and our Troop leader said I wasn’t making any sense. Why wasn’t their idea a good one? So I explained it again. In front of the girls they laughed at me and said I still wasn’t making any sense. The male volunteer said, “come on girls, let’s go do this thing.” I told my daughter, “you aren’t going.” She agreed with me and her close friend also said she would listen to me. Dd and her friend then convinced the rest of their troop not to go. The adult volunteer ended up with no girls willing to join him.
I am not happy with how these 2 men laughed at me and ignored my concerns in front of our all-girl troop. This morning I contacted the council member who founded our troop and let her know what happened. She asked me if we could speak tomorrow. Of course I will be happy to talk to her because this little stunt they wanted to pull could get parents from other troops angry with ours. She doesn’t want that to happen. But she also wants to support this troop leader through thick and thin because no one else volunteered to be our troop’s leader. Me and the other mom who are volunteer parents are already stretched too thin to take over leading the troop. The council member also loves that this troop leader is a former Eagle Scout who has a lot of the gear our troop needs and is willing to share it with the troop. He tries hard to be a good leader and is generally a kind person but really has made a lot of very poor decisions over the last 18 months (pushing for our troop to sleep all in the same tent last fall, pushing for our 11-12yo girls to sleep outside in January in Wisconsin a half mile from the nearest warm building, etc.).
What would you say to the council member about how to handle this? I tend to be the parent that complains out loud when I disagree with something (especially since the made a poor decision last year on a camping trip that lead to me braking my ankle). They don’t like me questioning their plans even when I have strong reasons for my questions. So I could see this discussion ending up being about me. How do I prepare for this?
I’ve wanted to pull my dd and join another troop but she loves her scout friends. They really are a great group of girls. The problem are the troop leaders. All your thoughts are welcome but please be kind- it’s been a tough weekend for me. TIA!
Last edited by gatorsmom; 11-04-2021 at 01:20 AM.
" I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is only temporary; the evil it does is permanent." Mahatma Gandhi
"This is the ultimate weakness of violence: It multiplies evil and violence in the universe. It doesn't solve any problems." Martin Luther King, Jr.