Do your middle school or high school daughters use Instagram?

[wendibird22]

Wondering if you are allowing your tween/teen daughters to have instagram. Both of my girls (6th and 9th grades) keep asking us to allow them to have instagram. Both have snapchat but say other than "streaks" their friends don't use it very much and that most of their friends are on instagram. They both report feeling "left out" because either plans/invites are happening there and they don't know about it and miss out OR their friends circles are talking about the latest "did you see xyz on instagram" and DDs are feeling left out of the conversation, like being in the dark on pop culture. IG has never had the best reputation as a social app because originally the concern was around teens getting bullied by other teens about their pictures/what they post. But now it seems IG is less about what you post and more about following influencers and being in the know. Then of course the FB whistleblower comes out and reveals all of the harmful data about the negative influence IG has particularly on teen girls and that the algorithms are a vicious cycle of negativity because it just feeds you more and more of the harmful content you consume.

So, I had been so hesitant on IG from the beginning but now this data has me even more reluctant. And yet, I also don't like that my kids feel left out socially and know that can be harmful to them too.

[ncat]

I let DD have Instagram (but not Snapchat) from age 13 with the stipulations that she must allow me to follow her and her phone is an open book for her parents She did lose phone privileges altogether for a while as a result of adding a 2nd account and lying about it. She follows people from school and pop culture but doesn't post much herself. I haven't noticed any specific harmful content but it may be there.

[marinkitty]

My DD is a college freshman now, but I think she got instagram in 9th or 10th grade? Snapchat around the same time. She was late to both, most of her friends had social media in middle school. I do think kids who aren't on there can miss out - my DS1's hockey team uses Snapchat almost exclusively to communicate and I know DD found out about a lot on soclal. DS2 - who is in 8th grade - ended up with Insta and Snapchat during the pandemic, so 7th grade - because his soccer club was using instagram to post live at home workouts and his team went to snapping each other to communicate. None of my kids is a big user (DS1 is a junior and just reluctantly got snapchat out of necessity because he was missing too much not being on the hockey chat - he's a big discord user with non-hockey friends so hadn't felt the need and still doesn't have insta). DD hardly uses insta but I know she likes following her friends who are more active. I don't think it has had a negative impact on any of my kids so far.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I have boys. In 9th grade, I’d let them decide. 6th grade? Is that even allowed per terms and conditions to be that young on there? I think a lot of kids take what they need from IG- connect with friends- and don’t go down a dark spiral. I think learning to navigate those things isn’t the worst idea in the world.
My ds1 did recently delete his IG because he just didn’t like it anymore. He connects with people on Snapchat instead. But, like trends, we know how regional things are.
Your older dd really can just be on and simply connected with the content/ people they want and ignore or avoid the rest. I think the hypothetical risk that your girls would be the ones that would have issues with the algorithms is lower than the risk of being left out socially. I do think a 9th grader can start to figure out their place in social media. And, you’re a good mom so I think you’ll stay looped in and touch base about the social media concerns.


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[KpbS]

My DSs do not have it or any social media but DNs do. I really hate it because when we are with them the temptation to tune out the people your with and just stare at your phone is pretty great. Gotta see what these other people are doing… ugh

[carolinamama]

DD is only 10 and has no social media. She does have friends on various platforms. DS1 does. He uses Snap chat to communicate with friends and teammates. What I really despise are tiktok and Instagram because of the draw to scroll mindlessly. He's a good kid - great grades, plays a school sport and a club sport, and works as a ref on his free weekends. But he will also spend hours scrolling and the phone feels like an extension of his arm so often. I don't believe he's in danger per se, but I worry about the overall impact and he's probably on the lower end of time spent scrolling due to other activities. DS2 is in 7th grade. He got Snapchat this year because his soccer teammates were using it and has tiktok. He doesn't use Instagram. He's not as drawn to his phone as much as DS1 right now. He read something by a sports coach about putting your phone out of sight to avoid mindlessly wasting time on it and has taken that seriously. He keeps it in his soccer bag most of the time during the week. I do think kids miss out on social connections when they don't use whatever social media platform their friends are using. I don't love it, but it's reality.

I want to have my middle school and high school boys watch The Social Dilemma. It won't change their behaviors, but I want them to at least be more informed users.

[smilequeen]

My high schoolers are allowed, yes. This is when you have some influence to teach them how to use it…you won’t have much influence at 18. In 6th grade, no. I loosened up a bit in 7th grade, but I was still fairly strict. Snapchat is far worse than instagram, but my oldest son’s friends use it to communicate so I let it go, although at first I was really on top of him. He’s a junior now and has earned my trust. My freshman isn’t super social and he isn’t interested, but I’d allow it if he was. His friends still just text each other or do groups while they play Xbox.

[newnana]

Yes. HS DD. I was very anti-social media, but DD needs it to stay current on school events. Yes, school events. Drives me crazy that that is where the school is choosing to communicate. Getting it for that opened her up to other conversations about what is going on with her other school clubs and from there has extended her knowledge of other social events and things her peers discuss at school. DD is a rule follower and is good at avoiding the drama. As reluctant as I was, she has commented how most of the lunchroom talk revolves around what's on there so it's good for being able to engage in the conversation. At home it's significantly increased a good stream of conversation about social media and what others post. She chooses not to post, but I'm very relieved to hear her observations about the insanity about what others post. For us it's (surprisingly) net positive

[lizzywednesday]

DD's bestie has Instagram and TikTok. Since they both have Apple devices, they communicate using FaceTime and text.

DD isn't allowed to put social media apps on her tablet (I control that) and I don't believe for a minute that social media is healthy for kids her age, especially since she is very immature. We will be working on digital literacy and safety with Girl Scouts this year, since most of my girls do not have social media, but I agree with the posters who allow their kids to have it while they're still young enough to be coached through safety, appropriate use, and when to speak up (etc.)

Her middle school doesn't use it; the principal emails parents regularly with updates and each grade has its own Google Classroom for announcements, but not social media.

[ezcc]

Yes, I let my kids have instagram starting in middle school. The kids I know who have had the most trouble with social media are the ones who have been forbidden to use it- lots of them get accounts without telling a parent and when/if there is a problem they are afraid to get help. In my experience that happened mainly in middle school. My kids got used to having instagram that I was going to see and got used to the idea that everything on social media is very public. I do think a lot of their social lives are online, so keeping them from it can be isolating.