Long Hair and Matted Tangles

[carolinamama]

It takes at least 2 hours to detangle and that's with detangle spray. We have tried it's a 10, Suave Kids, and currently use Honest Co.

I can't trust her with it because she holds the bottles against her head and then will part-fill with water when they're almost empty without telling DH or me ... which doesn't help.

If it gets this bad and you need to detangle it again, have her coat it very generously - like half a bottle if necessary - with conditioner and work with sections. Rinse out conditioner after it's all detangled. I have the same type of hair and remember having to do this after camping at the lake a few times around the same age.

[frugalmom]

I have 4 girls with all long, curly, thick hair. How old is your dd? I feel like at a certain age my girls handled it on their own. Usually 9-11 ish depending on the girl. I have the same long hair.
Our keys.
Put tons of conditioner on it in the shower and brush it out in there. It is so easy. Then we put it in a braid for bed.

We make our own leave in spray for brushing. Water and conditioner.

Start at the ends and go up.
That is about it. When we know we are going to do something that is going to crazy tangle our hair, braids it is.

[squimp]

Can you put a wide-toothed comb in the shower and have her comb her hair with tons of conditioner in there? That's what I used to do when my hair was really long.

Also, the wet brush and lots of detangler worked for my DD. Her hair is pretty thick.

[Snow mom]

We've talked about what "cut" means because I want her to be able to enjoy her hair, but also ... she's begun getting distressed about the tangles when she's in class, so we have to have it at a more manageable length.

I don't believe in donating hair; not that it's not a well-intentioned thing to do, but more ... donating hair makes donors feel good, but causes a real logistical issue for the charitable organizations on the receiving end.

DD's tangles are on the bottom layer of her hair, roughly at her shoulders. Cutting it to her shoulders (or slightly below) seems to be the best point to allow her the joy of the length, but easier self-care.

Making a wig takes more than just hair. Most of these organizations either need to fundraise for cash donations or sell some of the donated hair to fund making the wigs. I don’t think this makes the organizations unworthy, especially for those who ultimately receive the wigs. You can feel good donating a pony tail, even if it will be sold for profit to pay for a wig made of other hair.

That’s where my DD gets tangles too. She seems incapable of brushing out the bottom layer in the back. It needs brushed daily or it becomes a nightmare. I still don’t believe in cutting hair as a logical consequence of not being able to manage hair on your own. If she agrees with the solution though then sounds like a win for everyone.

ETA: I also wanted to mention that some of the leave ins or detangling spray make tangles easier to get out initially, but they can make hair kind of sticky and then it tangles more easily. So it’s worth trying different products and trouble shooting what helps and what doesn’t.

[Kestrel]

When does she wash her hair? I've always been one to wash my long hair in the evening, and then braid for bed. It makes things so much easier in the morning to unbraid and brush, and not have to untangle in the morning. I know you said she wasn't willing to braid, but is does that include for bed, or does she just not want to style it that way for day? It would also smooth your mornings, which is a win for everyone!

[lizzywednesday]

If it gets this bad and you need to detangle it again, have her coat it very generously - like half a bottle if necessary - with conditioner and work with sections. Rinse out conditioner after it's all detangled. I have the same type of hair and remember having to do this after camping at the lake a few times around the same age.

She doesn't use the conditioner properly and she's been finding thorough rinsing very challenging. To be honest, I don't think she's washing properly either; I feel like I have to laminate a shower checklist for her so she understands what has to happen to get her hair clean.

[lizzywednesday]

I have 4 girls with all long, curly, thick hair. How old is your dd? I feel like at a certain age my girls handled it on their own. Usually 9-11 ish depending on the girl. ...When we know we are going to do something that is going to crazy tangle our hair, braids it is.

DD is 11, but she also has ADHD, which impacts her executive functioning and maturity.

We work from the bottom up when brushing out her hair after showers. The most I can do right now is provide conditioner, but it's been challenging getting her to cooperate with the brush-out. We use a Wet brand brush.

She keeps unbraiding her hair at school, which means it tangles every time she tosses her head. (Which she does as her focus medicine wears off.)

[lizzywednesday]

Can you put a wide-toothed comb in the shower and have her comb her hair with tons of conditioner in there? That's what I used to do when my hair was really long. ...

Way ahead of you - I have a wide-toothed comb that has a hooked tail hanging on the shower head. She can reach it, but she doesn't use it. If I were to put a different comb in a different part of the shower, she doesn't use it either.

[lizzywednesday]

...

That’s where my DD gets tangles too. She seems incapable of brushing out the bottom layer in the back. It needs brushed daily or it becomes a nightmare. I still don’t believe in cutting hair as a logical consequence of not being able to manage hair on your own. If she agrees with the solution though then sounds like a win for everyone.

She's 11 and has ADHD. The tangles are bothering her when she should be focusing on school. We're out of ideas to keep her hair the length it currently is, and she's in need of a real haircut (not the measly 1" off the ends that she got in September after I told DH to get 2-3" off because she hadn't been to a salon for over a year.) I think she's on board; I just wanted to be sure that my thought wasn't too "extreme."

ETA: I also wanted to mention that some of the leave ins or detangling spray make tangles easier to get out initially, but they can make hair kind of sticky and then it tangles more easily. So it’s worth trying different products and trouble shooting what helps and what doesn’t.

I think her hair is currently 75% detangler because it wasn't washed properly. It's tacky to the touch, which exacerbates the problem, so I've told her that I'll be washing her hair, which has left her absolutely appalled. DH won't spend money on the pricier (but less sticky) products because we go through almost a whole bottle when her hair is at its worst.

I just want her to be able to take care of it by herself; she can't do that right now with it so long, so the most logical solution is a cut which she can grow out if she so chooses, but at least she'll know more about taking care of longer hair as it grows.

[lizzywednesday]

When does she wash her hair? I've always been one to wash my long hair in the evening, and then braid for bed. It makes things so much easier in the morning to unbraid and brush, and not have to untangle in the morning. I know you said she wasn't willing to braid, but is does that include for bed, or does she just not want to style it that way for day? It would also smooth your mornings, which is a win for everyone!

She's not a morning person, so we don't have nearly enough time for her to shower/wash hair in the morning. So she showers in the evenings, with most shower nights also leaving enough time for us to detangle & braid before bed. (Some nights, she finishes fairly late & then whines that she's too tired to let me brush her hair, so it can get skipped because DH doesn't want to hear it.)