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  1. #31
    Melaine is offline Blue Diamond level (20,000+ posts)
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    Thinking and praying on this thread all day. Wish I had a way to help or some solid advice. Praying your family and community finds healing and strength. Such a horrible hard and awful ordeal.

  2. #32
    erosenst is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by dogmom View Post
    All I can add dealing with adolescents with other traumas is to remember where they are in normal development. How we process things as adults is not how they process things. Peer groups are very important. So some kids might actually want to be back at school and be in a heightened emotional state with their peers. Teens experience things so much more intensively, partly because of some very real chemical intensity going through the body and neurotransmitters. For some kids an event like this will only be 20% more intense than their usually day to day intensity of trauma and emotions, but that would not be obvious to adults looking in from the outside. So I think it is really important to have a conversation with your child with at one of active listening with the for knowledge they may not talk to you that much. Also, kids hide stuff from us to protect us. The vast majority of kids have already thought about shooting at their school next most have already composed the text message in their head to us as parents if if happened to them. That is just a sad piece of reality they hide from us. They don’t know a world without it.

    Edited: Looking back I realize it may look like I’m minimizing the trauma. That was not my intent. My intent is to say that as adults we are purposely blind to the trauma our kids are already experiencing and they are stronger than we know.
    Thanks for this. Not to hijack, but there was a threat Thurs that something was going to happen at DDs high school on Friday. Admin sent out message that police were involved, the threat was not credible, but there would be increased police and admin presence Friday.

    DD came home Friday and said that about 20% of the kids stayed home. Later it came up that none of her friends did - followed by a comment that shook me but I also know to be their truth. “At this point we are sort of accepting it could happen at any school any day.” This from my somewhat anxious kid, said calmly. (Insert rant about how this can possibly be our reality.)

    But to dogmom’s point - being at school and processing with her friends was the best place she could have been. Guessing the same is true for some/many of the kids in Michigan.


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  3. #33
    mikala is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by erosenst View Post
    Thanks for this. Not to hijack, but there was a threat Thurs that something was going to happen at DDs high school on Friday. Admin sent out message that police were involved, the threat was not credible, but there would be increased police and admin presence Friday.

    DD came home Friday and said that about 20% of the kids stayed home. Later it came up that none of her friends did - followed by a comment that shook me but I also know to be their truth. “At this point we are sort of accepting it could happen at any school any day.” This from my somewhat anxious kid, said calmly. (Insert rant about how this can possibly be our reality.)

    But to dogmom’s point - being at school and processing with her friends was the best place she could have been. Guessing the same is true for some/many of the kids in Michigan.


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    Yes to both dogmom's post and this. Two local high schools received credible threats yesterday. One cancelled school, the other didn't but a teacher friend said all the kids were so stressed that no one was learning. Their experience in no way measures up to an actual incident like MI but we tend to underestimate the stress society is putting on kids and school staff every damn day.

    I wish I had something constructive to say to the poster OP references but I got nothin beyond a whole lot of mama bear empathy and an inner fire for positive change.

  4. #34
    doberbrat is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by erosenst View Post
    DD came home Friday and said that about 20% of the kids stayed home. Later it came up that none of her friends did - followed by a comment that shook me but I also know to be their truth. “At this point we are sort of accepting it could happen at any school any day.” This from my somewhat anxious kid, said calmly. (Insert rant about how this can possibly be our reality.)
    Its horrible that one of my 1st thoughts were that statistically speaking, it would happen to one of us eventually. Our school had a non credible threat as well this past fall and they had police from all over the region on campus. It was very upsetting for my dd.

    OP, I can only say I'm thinking of you and your family. I'm sorry you're in this horrible place. Know that we support you - I hope you have good IRL support for yourself and your kids as well. I doubt I could ever send my child back but I'd have to see how she felt I guess.
    dd1 10/05
    dd2 11/09
    and ... a mini poodle!

  5. #35
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    I am so sorry that this happened in your community. When Sandyhook occurred one of our parents was a well known Dr who dealt with childhood trauma. Two things that she said really stuck with me:

    *Make sure your kids know that even though they might think they are old enough to deal with the situation on their own, they are still kids and it is really important for them to let the adults in their lives help them though the trauma. That you are there for them and they should not be carrying the weight of the situation on their own. I’m sure this is even more pertinent for high schoolers.
    *Listen to your kids and realize that the fears they have as a result of this situation may not be the ones that you as an adult may think they have. Let them convey their thoughts and then help them address their fears and concerns .

    I’m sure your community will have trauma resources to help you but I would guess different kids will be effected in different ways. You and your community are in my thoughts!

  6. #36
    scrooks is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    I'm so sorry. I have no advice but I'm will pray for your family and community.
    DD 7/07
    DS1 9/09
    DS2 7/13


  7. #37
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    Default ISO advice- difficult subject

    Sending lots of hugs ❤️


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    DS, Summer '07

    "My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world." ~Jack Layton

  8. #38
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    I am so sorry. I knew you lived somewhere up in that direction and wondered about you after I heard the news.
    I have a couple of therapist friends who where up there doing counseling on Friday. From what they said, it will be a while before the high school is open. One described it as a war zone.
    In terms of navigating the return to school, I think one thing to remember is that there will be many other kids going through the same thing, and it is clear that there are lots of mental health professionals involved. Your kids definitely aren't alone in their struggles.

  9. #39
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    I do not have advice for the member, but I am so very sorry anyone ever has to deal with this. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

  10. #40
    basil is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    No advice, so sorry to hear. I'm sorry I don't know who you are, but I'm thinking of you and your kids.
    DS- 8/11
    DD- 5/14

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