ISO advice- difficult subject- update in 41

[SnuggleBuggles]

Posting anonymously for another member…

Our high school had the shooting Tuesday. I can’t even believe I am writing that sentence. I have 2 kids in high school and 1 in middle. All are safe. All are affected in some way. We are all doing okay and getting through. I am looking for some advice though.

We are supposed to return to school Monday. It might change, but right now it’s Monday. I imagine elementary and middle schools will go back. I don’t think high school will go then, but they will some time. I’m struggling with how to send my kids back to high school building. How do they get through the days, and how to literally navigate the hallway where their classmates were shot. They both pass through it a couple times a day and there is no easy way to go around. I hope the school makes plans, but I don’t know what they would be. Or do we just not go back? That sounds better in a lot of ways, but it isn’t realistic either.

I’d appreciate any advice for how to prepare myself for watching them drive off to the school, for getting them prepared mentally to walk in the doors, and for going to where the shootings happened. And anything else, really.


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[AnnieW625]

Can you talk to the school about potentially closing the wing where the shooting happened? It isn’t just the kids who will have to deal with this but the teachers and the administrators. I know it will be a reflection for everyone who has their classes moved as they would normally be in that building, but it might be something to think about.

I am assuming the district has grief counselors involved as well?

I can’t even imagine. Hugs to all.


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[AngB]

Posting anonymously for another member…

Our high school had the shooting Tuesday. I can’t even believe I am writing that sentence. I have 2 kids in high school and 1 in middle. All are safe. All are affected in some way. We are all doing okay and getting through. I am looking for some advice though.

We are supposed to return to school Monday. It might change, but right now it’s Monday. I imagine elementary and middle schools will go back. I don’t think high school will go then, but they will some time. I’m struggling with how to send my kids back to high school building. How do they get through the days, and how to literally navigate the hallway where their classmates were shot. They both pass through it a couple times a day and there is no easy way to go around. I hope the school makes plans, but I don’t know what they would be. Or do we just not go back? That sounds better in a lot of ways, but it isn’t realistic either.

I’d appreciate any advice for how to prepare myself for watching them drive off to the school, for getting them prepared mentally to walk in the doors, and for going to where the shootings happened. And anything else, really.


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I am so sorry. I would try to talk to other parents and then the school with some expectations...I'd think that hall should be closed for sure. I'd think lots of mental health resources for the whole school as well.
At this point Christmas is close enough that I don't think I'd send them back until January unless those things have been worked out, at minimum. (Easy for me to say as my kids are elementary and out with covid.) Now would be a great time for them to utilize virtual learning for the students/families that desire it.

[hbridge]

I can't even imagine what these families are going through...

My child experienced life changing trauma in school. They did not go back. It was only experienced by my child so there was no community support. That being said, they cannot enter the building and do not even want to drive up the driveway. It is made worse by the fact that most community events are held in this location, my child cannot attend due to severe PTSD.

That being said, the parents should encourage their kids to take part in any community healing and events they are comfortable with. Push a little, but not too hard. Let the kids dictate what they want to do and what they are comfortable with. Don't assume that they will be okay with something just because their friends are. Let each child make decisions for themselves, any and all fears and emotions are okay and valid. These are high school kids, give them space to grieve, space to be themselves, space to be heard; but don't push or make a plan FOR them. Make sure all plans include their input.

Having seen what trauma can do to a teen, there needs to be compassion forever for these kids. We are six years out and my child is still "recovering", not that "recovery" will ever happen completely. This was a single child and not nearly as serious as a school shooting!!!

Sending prayers to the victims, the school community and entire community.

[carolinamama]

I am so sorry.

Love and support. You all need to stay connected to each other and your community. Hopefully the schools will have mental health programs and counselors available. I'm not sure about staying home vs going back when the school opens. It's going to be hard either way and I think that needs to be made at an individual level, what's best for each child. As a parent, I can't imagine what you are going through but talking with other parents or even a therapist may be helpful for you.

Take care of yourself and your family.

[mom2binsd]

I can't imagine having to think about this, but you know your children best, and hopefully you and them can access any mental health counseling to guide in making a decision. Each family and student will react differently and I don't think there is an easy way to figure out what to do. I have thankfully never had to go through this, and hope those with experience will be of assistance. Take the time you all need to figure it out, not the timeline set forth by the school.

[Globetrotter]

My heart goes out to you and your community. This is the news that we all dread.
I guess it depends on the kid. I know for me I would probably have to do therapy to address this and encourage my kids to do so. If you have a parent chat with supportive parents, maybe that would help. I’m sure this is a support group that you never wanted to be a part of, but you will understand each other. If it’s possible, it makes sense to block off the area where this happened, at least until January.
It’s close to the holidays so this might be a good time to keep them at home, unless they would benefit from being around their peers. I’m sure the teachers will be very understanding and give them take home work, esp if you have Covid protocol and kids are staying home for that. And if they need time off, so be it.

[Snow mom]

I imagine there will be some communication from the high school about what the plans will look like. This has become a common enough thing that there must be a bit of blueprint of how schools should handle it and resources available. I would probably want my kids there for the community healing parts. I can't imagine the plan is to return to normal classes as usual so whatever spaces they are making available to students to process will be most available when school first reopens and I would want them there for that if they are able. I would try to avoid skipping weeks of school as I think it will just get harder to go back. Keep expectations low, have a plan for if they go and need to bail, but I would definitely encourage going and being part of the community.

When I read about the shooting this board was the first thing I thought of. I know we have several long term members in MI and I'm sorry that a family here was affected.

[bisous]

My cousin has kids at that high school too. I haven't heard a ton from her. She's kind of regrouping and spending a lot of time with her kids. I'm so sorry. It sounds incredibly difficult. The only thing I'll add is that you cannot be the only person with concerns from that school. I would try hard to make my worries known and see what kinds of plans the school plans to put in place. Sadly, my kids are afraid of high school shooters in a kind of abstract way already, in a way that I never had to deal with. I can't imagine how damaging it must be to have it be so very real for your kids.

[gobadgers]

I am so sorry to hear this. I truly cannot imagine and my thoughts are with you, your kids and your community.

Monday seems unrealistic for the high school, though there are probably many people who will find it easier to cope when back at school. I hope the administration finds a way to avoid the hallway, though it sounds like even that will be tough. I don't know of any good answers, except giving everyone lots of room to express what they need.