ISO advice- difficult subject- update in 41

[Kindra178]

I am so sorry. I think you need to have open talks with them about what they are feeling. As to going back to school, just one foot in front of the other. They might not make it a full day.


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[WatchingThemGrow]

Oh, friend! I'm so very sorry. I don't have any advice yet better than what's been shared, but I'm def. going to pray for your family and for your community.

[Gracemom]

That is my biggest fear and I'm so sorry your family is going through this. Take advantage of trauma counseling as soon as possible. Listen to their concerns. Talk to someone about your feelings and fears. Take the kids' lead. They might be ok with going back to see friends and get back into the routine. Or they might need more support/time. Thinking about all of you!

[jawilli4]

No advice to give either but I am so incredibly sorry, too. Will be praying for you all.

[Myira]

No advice to give either but I am so incredibly sorry, too. Will be praying for you all.

Same as above, you and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. This has got to be so difficult to navigate as a parent I cannot even imagine.


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[dogmom]

All I can add dealing with adolescents with other traumas is to remember where they are in normal development. How we process things as adults is not how they process things. Peer groups are very important. So some kids might actually want to be back at school and be in a heightened emotional state with their peers. Teens experience things so much more intensively, partly because of some very real chemical intensity going through the body and neurotransmitters. For some kids an event like this will only be 20% more intense than their usually day to day intensity of trauma and emotions, but that would not be obvious to adults looking in from the outside. So I think it is really important to have a conversation with your child with at one of active listening with the for knowledge they may not talk to you that much. Also, kids hide stuff from us to protect us. The vast majority of kids have already thought about shooting at their school next most have already composed the text message in their head to us as parents if if happened to them. That is just a sad piece of reality they hide from us. They don’t know a world without it.

Edited: Looking back I realize it may look like I’m minimizing the trauma. That was not my intent. My intent is to say that as adults we are purposely blind to the trauma our kids are already experiencing and they are stronger than we know.

[wendibird22]

All I can add dealing with adolescents with other traumas is to remember where they are in normal development. How we process things as adults is not how they process things. Peer groups are very important. So some kids might actually want to be back at school and be in a heightened emotional state with their peers. Teens experience things so much more intensively, partly because of some very real chemical intensity going through the body and neurotransmitters. For some kids an event like this will only be 20% more intense than their usually day to day intensity of trauma and emotions, but that would not be obvious to adults looking in from the outside. So I think it is really important to have a conversation with your child with at one of active listening with the for knowledge they may not talk to you that much. Also, kids hide stuff from us to protect us. The vast majority of kids have already thought about shooting at their school next most have already composed the text message in their head to us as parents if if happened to them. That is just a sad piece of reality they hide from us. They don’t know a world without it.

Edited: Looking back I realize it may look like I’m minimizing the trauma. That was not my intent. My intent is to say that as adults we are purposely blind to the trauma our kids are already experiencing and they are stronger than we know.

I agree with this. And what we as adults need, and what kids need may be different. If it were me I'd let me kids take the lead on what they want to do and what they need and then just be there for them. I'd also want to get help for myself processing my own feelings, as I cannot imagine how terrifying this ordeal has been for all of the parents.

Many hugs to you and your community.

[dogmom]

I agree with this. And what we as adults need, and what kids need may be different. If it were me I'd let me kids take the lead on what they want to do and what they need and then just be there for them. I'd also want to get help for myself processing my own feelings, as I cannot imagine how terrifying this ordeal has been for all of the parents.

Many hugs to you and your community.

Oh, yeah, that. After the first few weeks get some help for yourself. Also, how you and your DH is going to process this is going to be different. Respect that and don’t let that cause stress between you. Do not be surprised is some random day next July you start having panic attacks and it gets traced back to this. There has been a lot of work in the trauma field over the last couple of decades. The thought used to be you HAD to talk about the events right away, or you would get long term trauma from it. Turns out that forcing people to talk about it right away actually can harm people. Sudden, traumatic events often put people in a bubble state. They will actually talk about emotional, sound, touch, taste being muted for days to weeks. (You might want to mention this to your kids and tell them it’s normal if they experience it. Because on some level all teens thing they are freaks and don’t think what they are experiencing is normal.)

[DualvansMommy]

Oh my! I can’t even use words that would convey your horrific and your poor children’s experiences. This will stay with them for life. So seeking trauma informed therapy with teen population will be a big piece of their recovery.

Lots of great advice given here so far. You’re in our thoughts as your family and community navigate days and months ahead of this.


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[elizamom]

I'm so sorry. This breaks my heart. I couldn't read this and not let you know I will be praying for your family and all those involved.

My kids are in elementary school, and I don't think I could send them back after something like this. I think with time and conversation, you will know what is best for your children and family. Sending so much love your way.