I guess I just don't have those kinds of kids!

[bisous]

Yikes. Yesterday was such a mixed bag. It was a great day for DS1. He had his Eagle Board of Review and "passed", lol. He is beyond thrilled. Literally he said he was the happiest he has been in "months, maybe years" and so obviously I'm thrilled for that reason alone.

But I'm just so disappointed in my two little kids! We're a little unused to being as busy as we were yesterday and my original thought was that we'd have DS3 and DD (ages 10 and 8) come with us to fete DS1 as he finishes the process. Many families do this! My kids were HARD toddlers. They could never have done this at the ages that I've seen with so many families! Instead it has lead to years of splitting our family in half or trying to get the grandparents/babysitters involved. After all, the kids are no longer toddlers, but considerably older! But could they attend. Nope. Apparently not.

Instead, yesterday my kids had to be dragged out kicking and screaming from a birthday party they were both invited to to make the event. There were tears. There were threats (on their part). They are 8 and 10! They called me names and literally had to be pulled away. It was the first real birthday party they had attended in years together. There was a jolly jump and a pinata and the whole nine yards. Because of the board of review, they had to leave about 30 minutes early and THEY HAD A FIT.

If I set aside the fact that I'm SO embarrassed that they acted that way, I was just so frustrated because I couldn't figure out how to handle DS1's very important event that evening! My parents aren't up to handling my kids when they behave that way. So I left them HOME. It was only about an hour and they were supervised in a sense by my neighbor who knew they were home and was watching the front door. In fact, she actually chased off the UPS guy from knocking on the door, lol. They were safe enough with my neighbors help. And all was fine-ish.

I just can't help feeling disappointed that they're still not old enough and don't have enough self-control to do things that I feel like kids much younger than they are capable of achieving--namely sitting quietly for about an hour while we wait for DS1 to finish! A part of me thinks this is somehow my own parenting fault. I can accept that if only I knew what I could have done/should be doing differently. Another part knows that they've both got issues that make this yard AND when they're together they make each other worse. I don't know which actually makes me feel worse.

I just lament that apparently our family dynamics are such that we still can't do things all six of us as a family that I see other families do and that makes me sad.

[carolinamama]

Hugs I'm sorry things didn't go the way you wanted them to. We've all been there - sometimes on the side of everyone is cooperating, sometimes on the side of kids acting up embarrassingly. It sounds like you handled it well, making sure DS1 was the center of his Eagle Board of Review.

And much more importantly - CONGRATULATIONS to your DS1!!! I know the struggle and hard work it took him to get here and I'm so happy for him!

[PunkyBoo]

Big big hugs to you!!! I completely empathize and understand! I've been there so many times, too. DS2 is tough AND HE'S 13! So I completely relate. It's absolutely NOT your parenting or fault.

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[pinkmomagain]

I wouldn't be hard on yourself rearenting at all.
I think it is totally understandable that your two kiddos were disappointed to leave a fun birthday party (especially since it's been a while) with their friends.
Kids mature at different stages. I don't know if I'm remembering correctly (sorry if not!) but maybe you have one or two kiddos with ADHD? If so, that definitely adds delayed maturity.
My advice to work with where they're at!

Congrats on your son's achievement!

[sariana]

Yay, congrats to your DS! (Did you mean to include his name in the OP?) That’s great news for him!

Sorry about younger ones. It’s hard.

[georgiegirl]

Hugs. My younger two (12 and 8) are really hard. They probably would have acted the same way. Just remember they haven’t been anywhere fun like that in over 2 years so (1) they haven’t been practicing the societal expectations for appropriate behavior, and (2) they were probably very overwhelmed with the party and really didn’t want to leave. It’s not your fault. Some kids are more difficult than others, and those who aren’t neurotypical will get overwhelmed and meltdown in those situations. But yes, I’ve often wished my younger two were easy, well-behaved kids.

And congrats to your DS1!!!


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[fauve01]

Yikes. Yesterday was such a mixed bag. It was a great day for DS1. He had his Eagle Board of Review and "passed", lol. He is beyond thrilled. Literally he said he was the happiest he has been in "months, maybe years" and so obviously I'm thrilled for that reason alone.

But I'm just so disappointed in my two little kids! We're a little unused to being as busy as we were yesterday and my original thought was that we'd have DS3 and DD (ages 10 and 8) come with us to fete James as he finishes the process. Many families do this! My kids were HARD toddlers. They could never have done this at the ages that I've seen with so many families! Instead it has lead to years of splitting our family in half or trying to get the grandparents/babysitters involved. After all, the kids are no longer toddlers, but considerably older! But could they attend. Nope. Apparently not.

Instead, yesterday my kids had to be dragged out kicking and screaming from a birthday party they were both invited to to make the event. There were tears. There were threats (on their part). They are 8 and 10! They called me names and literally had to be pulled away. It was the first real birthday party they had attended in years together. There was a jolly jump and a pinata and the whole nine yards. Because of the board of review, they had to leave about 30 minutes early and THEY HAD A FIT.

If I set aside the fact that I'm SO embarrassed that they acted that way, I was just so frustrated because I couldn't figure out how to handle DS1's very important event that evening! My parents aren't up to handling my kids when they behave that way. So I left them HOME. It was only about an hour and they were supervised in a sense by my neighbor who knew they were home and was watching the front door. In fact, she actually chased off the UPS guy from knocking on the door, lol. They were safe enough with my neighbors help. And all was fine-ish.

I just can't help feeling disappointed that they're still not old enough and don't have enough self-control to do things that I feel like kids much younger than they are capable of achieving--namely sitting quietly for about an hour while we wait for DS1 to finish! A part of me thinks this is somehow my own parenting fault. I can accept that if only I knew what I could have done/should be doing differently. Another part knows that they've both got issues that make this yard AND when they're together they make each other worse. I don't know which actually makes me feel worse.

I just lament that apparently our family dynamics are such that we still can't do things all six of us as a family that I see other families do and that makes me sad.

Congrats to your DS! Hugs about your other kids. I agree it's understandable they wouldn't want to leave a fun birthday party to go sit quietly at a ceremony. They will eventually mature and things will get easier for you to do the family stuff you've imagined. Or you can leave them home more. In the meantime, maybe see if you can find a local high school kid or college kid who might be able to babysit for you when grandparents aren't up to it.

[bisous]

Thank you for your congratulations, your commiserations, and your advice. It really does feel comforting to read.

Man. I don't know what to say. DS3 has a diagnosis and we're in process of diagnosing DD so we're moving forward there and I'm sure the fact that they had this really fun activity they had to leave didn't help things. It felt good just to type out my feelings on the subject and I'm already feeling a little better. I've got less than an hour (short day for elementary!) till they're home for the weekend.

[smilequeen]

Some days are just hard. Not wanting to leave the birthday party is totally normal at that age, so don’t beat yourself up. Yeah, they handled it really badly, but we all do that sometimes and it’s not your fault that that was their mood at that time.

[DualvansMommy]

My 8 year old certainly would have been upset to leave awesome birthday party for a quiet event. He’s been invited to a bunch of birthday parties; almost back to back since early March thru June, and he’s truly happy!

Those kids haven’t had many gatherings together. Only one or two last summer, and months and months of nothing does feel forever to them at that age. I wouldn’t be so hard on yourself; and have several more than average of larger families in my town with 4 or 6 and always have seen them split up. I can’t even recall a event where I saw all of them together to attend their siblings events.


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