Libido woes

[bcafe]

It's not the fact that the teens come into our room and linger, the problem is knocking on the door (locked or simply closed) to ask questions. Lots of times they are random questions or pertinent, none the less, questions. Sorry, the mood shifts when that happens.

[gatorsmom]

I don't know if this helps at all and every family has a different rhythm but what has worked for us is to gradually develop after about 8:30 as our own "adult" time. Normally that isn't as spicy as it sounds, lol. Most nights we watch "A Closer Look" with Seth Meyer and then I fall asleep with the lights on, lol, so super romantic, lol. But over time the kids have learned to respect that we're unwinding together. It helps because we've drawn lines for our own time together that the two teens have learned to respect and also it has helped me over time to learn to unwind and relax fully. I crave that time now! It helps that the teens are only allowed to watch shows or play games at the same time (their bedtime is 10:00). For us part of the reason it really works is that my teens are excited to have this time when the two little kids are asleep to do their teenage thing. It took some time to put that routine into place. It has also helps DH get to bed on time! We've only been doing this since the pandemic but it has been one good thing to come of the whole thing!

That would so not work here. Our kids are at ages- specifically the 18yo and 16yo- that they are coming and going all hours of the evening. If they aren’t at work or hanging with friends then they are running between activities. there is no rhyme or reason to it. And we are trying to catch each other with reminders in-between activities, “hey Joey don’t forget this” or “Johnny, did you see the email with the time change for this”, etc. Likewise they catch us when they can with reminders not to forget to sew this or having something ready for an activity or did I order that piece? The kids are like ships in the night with us already. I could be in the middle of a phone call while hauling in groceries, food boiling on the stove and my hair on fire and someone would say, “mom, ya got a minute?”. There is no way they’d respect, “adult time.”

[Melaine]

Kids have never ever been in our room, my kids never get up at night, they knock when they come to the door, etc but it’s still really hard. Our house is so small there is no where for them to go where they aren’t in earshot. Yes we have a lock, yes we have white noise machines everywhere, but it is still really hard to get in the mood when you hear two teens arguing or someone is washing laundry right outside your door. And they stay up too late to wait until they’re asleep. I really just always assumed by this stage that we would be in a bigger house but here we are, same tiny starter home. Ugh.

[Globetrotter]

This topic came up in my book club. All of us are either perimenopausal or menopausal and have this issue, and some of us have pain, too, that can come with hormonal changes. Now I wish I’d made more of an effort when it wasn’t so darn difficult!

[zukeypur]

Same problems here. Low libido, teens, etc. We do have an air purifier both in the bedroom and in the living room, so we turn both on high. We have also started watching TV, reading, etc. with the bedroom door shut to "keep the dog out of the bedroom". This makes the closed bedroom door not quite so obvious. Of course, they may know what's really going on. DD1 (22) has recently moved back in and has no job, so having her around all the time has not helped.

[Melaine]

Same problems here. Low libido, teens, etc. We do have an air purifier both in the bedroom and in the living room, so we turn both on high. We have also started watching TV, reading, etc. with the bedroom door shut to "keep the dog out of the bedroom". This makes the closed bedroom door not quite so obvious. Of course, they may know what's really going on. DD1 (22) has recently moved back in and has no job, so having her around all the time has not helped.

Ok this is a good idea, keeping the door closed more often so it's not so obvious.

[petesgirl]

This topic came up in my book club. All of us are either perimenopausal or menopausal and have this issue, and some of us have pain, too, that can come with hormonal changes. Now I wish I’d made more of an effort when it wasn’t so darn difficult!

It feels like there has always been a reason why it's difficult! Newlyweds with crazy work schedules and school....newborn babes and nursing and sleepless nights...toddlers and preschoolers who want to be with mom and dad at night (luckily we stopped that in it's tracks)....I guess I always thought the teens years is when things would get easier! Ha!