Libido woes

[sf333]

My libido is in the toilet. No, not the toilet; it’s in the sewer system.

I’m in my mid-40s, I have kids, I’ve been with my husband for 20+ years, and the pandemic has stressed me out in a major way. Clearly, all of these things have an impact on how much I want to get naked. I also started the mini pill in hopes to alleviate perimenopausal stuff I have going on (one of which was low sex drive) and it made it worse. Like, almost dead down there.

So, what does a middle aged woman do? I’m tired of everyone saying that it’s normal to have low sex drive as you get older. Of course, I don’t expect to feel like a teenager but to have some interest seems like a reasonable expectation.

Has anyone found anything that helps?

[StantonHyde]

No, I haven't. The only thing that helps is doing it and then you get in the mood. But peri menopause ruined mine. And having teenagers who are around and awake all.the.time. We are actually taking a weekend away just for this purpose. I just keep having faith that it will come back. My OB has not had any ideas either. sigh.

[ang79]

Your story sounds quite like me. I'm just tired by the time DH is ready to go in the evening, so it's hard for me to get in the mood. Kids go to bed later, I want a bit of quiet time before bed, and then I just want to sleep! I asked at my last Gyn. appointment and the nurse practitioner I saw gave me info on Ristela and Maca Root to boost libido but I have not tried either yet. Would love to hear if anyone has had good results with either. DH and I really could use some time away together, as we haven't had that since before the pandemic started. His parents would probably love to have the girls for a weekend but then I worry that they may bring Covid to them from school (which is what just happened, only they brought it home to me!). Maybe once I am recovered from Covid it would be a good time to go, since they will be fully boosted soon, and have had Covid......

[sf333]

I’m reading about progesterone cream right now and wondering if that’s an option. Would hormone testing be useful?

Thanks for the replies. I’ve been reading about this a lot lately and there’s so much advice out there to improve your diet, exercise more, get therapy, set time aside for your relationship, etc etc. While I realize that all those factors are important, I also think there’s a physiological aspect to this that isn’t often addressed.

[georgiegirl]

So what do we all think is a reasonable frequency given our age? It’s been a recurring issue since having kids. I’d rather drink a glass of wine and watch Netflix as my way to unwind and have downtime, but DH prefers other activities.

[essnce629]

I just turned 40 a few months ago but have had like zero libido for like 5 years now, except for maybe 2 days a month immediately before ovulation and even then I'd rather sleep!

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[marinkitty]

OK, this may be way too much info, but for me what worked was a magic wand and alone time (and also Foria CBD "massage oil" - google it and use it 10-15 minutes ahead)). We were in a horrible rut and my libido was out to lunch. I decided to try on my own to get the mojo back when everyone was gone from the house during the day finally this fall, I would just have a little go at it now and then with no pressure or audience and it brought me back to normal. I feel like I needed to take the edge/pressure off and remind myself how good it could feel and then my body/mind were like - Oh yeah, we like this. YMMV. I also started exercising more and eating better around the same time so of course that could have played into it, but it was night and day for me. Will acknowledge that teenagers underfoot all the time who know what goes on behind closed doors and also never go to sleep are a challenge to overcome. WFH pandemic life has actually helped with this now that the kids are back in school and during the day its just the adults at home (not great for work productivity, of course!)

[essnce629]

OK, this may be way too much info, but for me what worked was a magic wand and alone time (and also Foria CBD "massage oil" - google it and use it 10-15 minutes ahead)).

I get ads for the Foria CBD oil every day on FB! Good to know it helps! Some women said that it burned though? I'm sooo sensitive that lots of soaps make me burn and I could never take bubble baths as a kid as it would give me UTIs.

[essnce629]

Duplicate

[mmsmom]

I’ve never been one that really wanted to before bed for all the reasons already stated. Weekdays are too hard and I am ready to just sleep. Weekend mornings are (were- but that’s another issue) our time. We are up early and teens sleep in and we usually have at least one day with no rush to be anywhere. Weekend afternoons worked for us too… kids out or busy and it was our downtime. I need time where I don’t feel rushed or worry about being heard or interrupted. Taking advantage of any time kids are out of house is good too.