Libido woes

[SnuggleBuggles]

The more you do it, the more you'll want to do it, ime. So, even if you aren't in the mood to start, make it a priority and do it. Make it a game with having a streak. Experiment with types of day too.

[MSWR0319]

I’m reading about progesterone cream right now and wondering if that’s an option. Would hormone testing be useful?

Thanks for the replies. I’ve been reading about this a lot lately and there’s so much advice out there to improve your diet, exercise more, get therapy, set time aside for your relationship, etc etc. While I realize that all those factors are important, I also think there’s a physiological aspect to this that isn’t often addressed.

So when I complained about this to my CNM (who I went to because my regular OB/GYN was just blowing me off, and my experience with the midwife were much more attentive when I was pregnant), she told me to try progesterone cream the second half of my cycle. I bought it, but haven't tried it yet. I asked about hormone testing, and she told me it's hard to do that because hormones are changing all the time?? I'm not sure what I think about that. I know it's true, but I would think checking them would also just make sure there wasn't an obviously glaring red flag somewhere.

So what do we all think is a reasonable frequency given our age? It’s been a recurring issue since having kids. I’d rather drink a glass of wine and watch Netflix as my way to unwind and have downtime, but DH prefers other activities.

She also discussed this with me. I'm 40, in perimenopause, and she said our bodies would be fine with 2x a month. She said if that's happening, then she wasn't worried. I said, "Well, can you tell my DH that because he'd not buying that story."

I also only have libido only right before ovulation.

[chlobo]

I also only have libido only right before ovulation.

This makes sense because why would you need to do it otherwise? lol.

[MSWR0319]

This makes sense because why would you need to do it otherwise? lol.

Exactly!

[Melaine]

I have struggled with this always. It isn’t getting better the older I get. I feel the same way about having teens at home. Plus our house is so small it just feels like zero privacy. Between my chronic health issues, adrenal fatigue, exhaustion and DH’s work schedule it’s gotten really bad. I’m talking like once a month. The struggle is real. I was reading some reviews on Ashwanda that are deal of the day and several reviewers mentioned libido improvement. https://www.amazon.com/ASHWA-Vitamin...=AA7GQ5AGPP5PI

[Globetrotter]

I have this issue, exacerbated by pain, so I’ve been avoiding it more. I did some research and bought dilators that I occasionally used with good lubricants -that did help somewhat but honestly the only time it’s comfortable is midcycle, which makes sense from a biological point of view. I know this is partly mental as I fear the pain, avoid it, so it hurts more. I haven’t done anything for months as we got busy with the holidays. But now my periods are so random who knows when midcycle is. It’s unfortunate because we are finally empty-nesters… Weekend mornings are the best time for us.
CBD oil sounds interesting but I have sensitive skin.

[wendibird22]

Count me in this group. DHs routine was to approach me at bedtime. But for several years now I'd much rather just sleep. It's not that it doesn't feel good (it does) it's just I like sleep more. Also have teen kids who are up late. Also nothing makes me more not in the mood than DH initiating it hours after I've put clean sheets on the bed. All I can think of is that my sheets are now dirty and he's never the one to wash them, change them, or make the bed. So where he sees satisfaction and connection I just see more laundry!
Weekend mornings don't work because he's up earlier than the rest of us in order to get take home work (lesson plans and grading) done when everyone else is still sleeping. Then it's off to kid activities, groceries, house cleaning, etc.
At some point we go so long between DTD that then it feels awkward initiating it...like he gives up and waits for me to initiate and I just feel strange doing so. So then the cycle repeats.

So no advice, but solidarity!

[AnnieW625]

DH and I went through something similar a few years ago and I remember I posted something about it here. I know this is going to sound silly but when we were in a bit of a rut and I was finding sex boring it was around that time I started reading romance novels and was inspired by the acts written about in Suzanne Brockmann’s Troubleshooters series (that I think egoldber recommended…….nothing truly risqué, dark, submissive, or 50 shades type of stuff), and it got me thinking about what I could do that was different than what we were already doing and low and behold it helped things get better. I hear you all with kids getting older, feeling like there is no time because the kids will hear, and especially with Covid and no one leaving the house there sometimes there is just no desire for alone time with anyone but yourself. I miss the good old days, but like a poster said above I don’t think all is lost and the more you try the better it gets. We still have weeks where nothing feels right and this month has been hard with the holidays and Covid, but I am trying to still stay upbeat about it.


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[ezcc]

Commiserating here too - finding the right time is definitely one of the hardest parts for us- I like to read before bed and am usually fast asleep in like ten minutes- weekend mornings used to be the best, but now I am volunteering on Saturdays and dd has been going to church on Sundays at 9 and needs a ride- and yes to little privacy-we have teens wandering about all hours of the night plus a 10 year old who still gets up pretty early. Oh and a puppy that needs to go out first thing. It's tough!

[gatorsmom]

I commented on this subject a month or so ago and there weren't many posted replies which made me think I was the only one going through this. I'm relieved and sad to see I'm not alone. The thing is, I don't really miss it. DH and I had a great sex life before the kids were teens and it was very fun but I don't miss feeling "hungry." I don't miss that distraction. And since I have 4 teenagers who are up all hours of the night, it's so hard to find time when they are all sleeping and there is no threat that they will come walking in looking for something or needing to ask us something. DH whines about it and then we find time to do it but I rarely ask him for it. I'm guessing once there are fewer kids in the house, we can start up more regularly.