Libido woes

[echoesofspring]

ok i'm reading this thread and realizing we need to get it on a whole lot more while we can before our kids become teens and are suddenly roaming the house at all hours. And here I've been telling myself how much easier it's going to get in a few years when they are more independent.

Physical issues aside, I found the book Come as you are to helpful in understanding some of the psychological aspects. I don't think it's 'transformed' our love life by any means, but it has helped things - I understand both of us individually a bit better and I feel more empowered to ask for what I need when or intentionally steer myself to be more interested. And yeah sometimes that's just a couple chapters of a romancey book.

[echoesofspring]

duplicate post

[MMMommy]

Just wanted to chime in that I am part of the "teens are awake ALL the time and wandering around the house" club. Literally, they are awake, aware and always present. That sure makes things tough.

[PunkyBoo]

Just wanted to chime in that I am part of the "teens are awake ALL the time and wandering around the house" club. Literally, they are awake, aware and always present. That sure makes things tough.

Yup same here. And just as DS1 is preparing to leave the nest, DS2 is now a teenager and taking over for DS1.

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[bisous]

So, maybe this is when I should be glad that DH has never really allowed our kids into our room? Man I used to hate how he would never allow my sad babies and crying toddlers and scared grade schoolers into our bed. But he was adamant, lol. My teens have a weeknight bedtime (10pm) and once they are in bed I feel ok and safe for stuff. We have a lock that we use.

[PunkyBoo]

This was intended to address Bisous's comments, but the quote didn't work right.
It's not that they're in our room or would come in. Our kids were never interested in sleeping in our room or coming in our room. The issue is the lack of privacy when they're wandering around the house, they walk right by our door, or are downstairs in the room just below our bedroom. If I can hear them elsewhere in the house, I can't relax knowing they could then hear anything we're doing.

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[petesgirl]

This was intended to address Bisous's comments, but the quote didn't work right.
It's not that they're in our room or would come in. Our kids were never interested in sleeping in our room or coming in our room. The issue is the lack of privacy when they're wandering around the house, they walk right by our door, or are downstairs in the room just below our bedroom. If I can hear them elsewhere in the house, I can't relax knowing they could then hear anything we're doing.

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We sleep with an air purifier in our room and when it's on the highest setting, it does a great job muffling sounds.
We actually sleep with it on so we tell ourselves that when our kids hear the air purifier start, they think we are going to sleep. Ha ha....
I get it though, I can't *really* relax when kids are awake and wandering.

[carolinamama]

This was intended to address Bisous's comments, but the quote didn't work right.
It's not that they're in our room or would come in. Our kids were never interested in sleeping in our room or coming in our room. The issue is the lack of privacy when they're wandering around the house, they walk right by our door, or are downstairs in the room just below our bedroom. If I can hear them elsewhere in the house, I can't relax knowing they could then hear anything we're doing.

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I can relate to so much in this discussion. It's hard for me to relax enough when teens are walking by our bedroom door or chatting down the hall. I don't even know that I miss having it more frequently, but I think I should miss it. Of course DH would gladly go back to our earlier days of more action. Maybe when we have an empty nest, but we've got awhile.

[bisous]

I don't know if this helps at all and every family has a different rhythm but what has worked for us is to gradually develop after about 8:30 as our own "adult" time. Normally that isn't as spicy as it sounds, lol. Most nights we watch "A Closer Look" with Seth Meyer and then I fall asleep with the lights on, lol, so super romantic, lol. But over time the kids have learned to respect that we're unwinding together. It helps because we've drawn lines for our own time together that the two teens have learned to respect and also it has helped me over time to learn to unwind and relax fully. I crave that time now! It helps that the teens are only allowed to watch shows or play games at the same time (their bedtime is 10:00). For us part of the reason it really works is that my teens are excited to have this time when the two little kids are asleep to do their teenage thing. It took some time to put that routine into place. It has also helps DH get to bed on time! We've only been doing this since the pandemic but it has been one good thing to come of the whole thing!

[AnnieW625]

So, maybe this is when I should be glad that DH has never really allowed our kids into our room? Man I used to hate how he would never allow my sad babies and crying toddlers and scared grade schoolers into our bed. But he was adamant, lol. My teens have a weeknight bedtime (10pm) and once they are in bed I feel ok and safe for stuff. We have a lock that we use.

Very much the same here. Dd1 slept in our bed the first two nights we were home from the hospital and then I went out that third morning I was home and bought a pack n play. We weren’t planning on co sleeping she just wouldn’t fall asleep in her crib. Both girls slept in that in our room until maybe four months old. We never let our kids in our rooms at night. We lock the door as well now when doing things, but even when they were young they would interrupt by knocking on the door. Bed time varies but once the kids are in bed they stay in bed. We used to rely on nap time on the weekends and we’re bummed when that went away.


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