Special education advocate?

[georgiegirl]

So my twice exceptional autistic 8 year old (DS2) was suspended yesterday. I’m raging mad because he wasn’t physical/emotional, didn’t elope, he just didn’t listen to the principal/associate or follow the brand new behavior plan that started and the end of last week (the last day he attended school last week.) instead of going to a designated room he had only been one day prior, he ran to his gen Ed room (rest of the class was at recess and lunch), slammed the door, and proceeded to quietly read a book for the next 30 minutes while they prompted him to go to the other room. This was the third time I’ve been called to pick him up since last Monday (and we didn’t have school on Friday or Monday!) I know I don’t have to pick him up, and I told the principal that and he said DS was suspended!! When I arrived, DS was still reading quietly and his peers had returned to the class. He was not disruptive and he passively participated in the group lesson and continued to do his literacy/social studies rotations. He ignored me when I said it was time to go, and I informed the principal that I would not drag him out kicking and screaming. All DS wants is to be in the gen Ed room learning. His behavior during academics ranges from excellent to irritated by his peers. Teacher says most of the time during academics he’s a dream student (will quietly read for hours, work on writing, always completes his work and does a fantastic job.) Main issue is recess and peer interaction in environments that are not highly structured. There was an incident about a week prior to winter break which created trauma and completely broke the bond he had with his sped teacher (he refuses to interact with her anymore.) I’m at my wits end. I can’t have the school calling me to pick him up all the time. I start teaching (at the local university) next week . I have anxiety any time my phone rings. (FWIW, DS2 is super compliant and easy at home. He will read for hours, quietly play alone or with someone else, do chores when I ask.) He has an IEP, a BIP, and the school has called in the challenging behavior expert.

[hbridge]

I have been there.... Sending hugs! I pm'ed you!

[California]

That is so hard. Is the school short staffed due to covid absences? That does seem like an extreme reaction on their part. I'm wondering if the usual people who would help defuse the situation were not available. Also, having to watch him while he stayed alone in a room may have meant another group of students didn't get full supervision. Thus, even if he was being peaceful it could have created safety issues. Staff shortages have made everything more challenging. (My school site, for example, was down eight teachers, front office staff, almost all paras, the vice-principal, lunch supervisors, and playground supervisors, thanks to covid. We couldn't ANY subs to come. Even before winter break, we had two weeks of staff shortages- though not as bad as it is now.)

All this to stay, if the school has a staff shortage they may be struggling right now and reacting from a place of extreme stress. Which I know isn't helpful to hear at all! But it might give you a spot to say that you all need to give each other some grace- especially for your son, who hasn't had a chance to get used to the new behavioral plan/room, and may be feeling the extra stress on campus.

[bisous]

I'm so sorry that he's having a tough time. I can totally relate to a child that has a harder time during the unstructured periods. I can't imagine how stressed out you must feel. I feel like he's gotten off on a wrong foot. Especially with recent changes and a recent degradation in the relationship with his Sped Teacher.

I think I'd approach it by going to the school and empathizing with the fact that its a tricky situation but also that if they are patient and thoughtful (they seem very reactive and impatient with him) that they'll have a better outcome. (It will CERTAINLY be better for you and for your DS but it will be better for them too!) Can you brainstorm together how to get him to transition to the new plan? Sounds like he's compliant if he is somewhere quiet reading. Can he just join the office staff and go read in there? Or someplace else that he feels safe and comfortable? Can you offer any enticements for his compliance? Do you think he could get it figured out before you have to start teaching (yikes!)

I hate that he's being punished for his struggles. It seems like he should be protected from consequences like suspension. The fighter in me wants to just force that angle. Like that's just so unfair. But the pragmatist thinks that's definitely the longer and harder path forward.

Big hugs. I'm so frustrated/angry for you on behalf of your DS. I hope you find a good path forward!

[acmom]

As a former spec ed teacher, first I am so sorry this is happening. Can you ask to convene his team for a meeting to address this? Having time to sit down and talk face to face about it from all perspectives may be helpful vs. them only calling you in time of crisis. I agree with PPs that staff shortages may be compounding the issue currently, but you and your DS still need a better strategy/solution. I would acknowledge these challenging times with staff, but ask to brainstorm workable options with team. Then I would communicate with DS about it (again in a non-crisis moment) and see if you can get DS on board with any new strategies to try.

ETA: If you have already met about this issues and gotten nowhere, then I would look into an advocate to help you. Have they put anything specific in place to help with those non-structured times that are the most challenging? If so, are those strategies not working now or no longer being employed? If they haven't done anything specific to address those peer interactions and non-structured times and you feel those are at the heart of this, I would ask specifically to discuss that in a meeting.

[georgiegirl]

Thanks for all of the input. I don’t think a staffing issue is responsible for them suspending him. He has a 1:1 associate most of the day, and that was the case on Monday. He had a good day yesterday and followed their recess/lunch plan. I have definitely reached out to them about collaborating since I know him best and can usually tell what will work and what won’t work. His sped teacher (who leads his IEP team, but he won’t talk to her) is off this week for a planned vacation. Part of the issue is that they are trying to use me as part of his behavior plan…if he does unsafe things or doesn’t listen, I’m supposed to take him home. I told them no way! I’m not part of his school behavior plan. I’m available for emergencies, but not when he’s sitting reading quietly in an empty room where he isn’t supposed to be. The school is a little stumped because his highly preferred activities are (1) reading and (2) being in the gen Ed classroom for learning. He just wants to be in the classroom learning or reading. And asking him to leave the classroom when he isn’t doing anything wrong at the moment triggers him. He doesn’t understand why he can’t be there.

And the school keeps ignoring my request for documentation about his suspension on Monday. I’m guessing because it was borderline illegal since (1) they would not suspend a regular second grader for that and (2) it’s related to his disability. Zero physical aggression, zero emotional outbursts. When I arrived he was behaving perfectly (except not following their prompting to leave the gen ed room) and wasn’t being disruptive to the class and they forced me to take him home. He had not touched anyone or said anything inappropriate.

The complicating factor is that he has a masked classroom (I had to hire a lawyer because DS2 has a couple of comorbidities placing him at higher risk). So he can’t just eat lunch anywhere, otherwise he’d be around lots of unmasked people (who can come back on day 6 of Covid without a mask). The rest of the school is unmasked and zero contact tracing or quarantine requirements (other than 5 days at home). Kids with entire families with Covid can come to school so long maskless as they haven’t tested positive.

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[acmom]

When/why is he being removed from his gen ed room? Is that the root of the issue for him?

[o_mom]

Thanks for all of the input. I don’t think a staffing issue is responsible for them suspending him. He has a 1:1 associate most of the day, and that was the case on Monday. He had a good day yesterday and followed their recess/lunch plan. I have definitely reached out to them about collaborating since I know him best and can usually tell what will work and what won’t work. His sped teacher (who leads his IEP team, but he won’t talk to her) is off this week for a planned vacation. Part of the issue is that they are trying to use me as part of his behavior plan…if he does unsafe things or doesn’t listen, I’m supposed to take him home. I told them no way! I’m not part of his school behavior plan. I’m available for emergencies, but not when he’s sitting reading quietly in an empty room where he isn’t supposed to be. The school is a little stumped because his highly preferred activities are (1) reading and (2) being in the gen Ed classroom for learning. He just wants to be in the classroom learning or reading. And asking him to leave the classroom when he isn’t doing anything wrong at the moment triggers him. He doesn’t understand why he can’t be there.

And the school keeps ignoring my request for documentation about his suspension on Monday. I’m guessing because it was borderline illegal since (1) they would not suspend a regular second grader for that and (2) it’s related to his disability. Zero physical aggression, zero emotional outbursts. When I arrived he was behaving perfectly (except not following their prompting to leave the gen ed room) and wasn’t being disruptive to the class and they forced me to take him home. He had not touched anyone or said anything inappropriate.

The complicating factor is that he has a masked classroom (I had to hire a lawyer because DS2 has a couple of comorbidities placing him at higher risk). So he can’t just eat lunch anywhere, otherwise he’d be around lots of unmasked people (who can come back on day 6 of Covid without a mask). The rest of the school is unmasked and zero contact tracing or quarantine requirements (other than 5 days at home). Kids with entire families with Covid can come to school so long maskless as they haven’t tested positive.

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I'm sorry you are dealing with this. I can relate. Here are some thoughts - hope they help.

I would probably document everything and send it back to them since they are not giving you anything. Say something like "based on our conversation, this is my understanding of the situation that lead to his suspension". That at least puts on the record a narrative of what happened. I would say you are right that what they did was illegal and they know it.

Does his BIP address elopement? (I think this falls under that, even though he did not leave the building, he left the place where he was supposed to be) If not, I would call a conference to have it added and make sure that before discussion occurs, that you are clear that you are not part of it - they need to address it at school, preferably proactively.

Once it is in the BIP, then any calls can be addressed as "Have you done X, Y, Z as stated in his BIP? Is he posing a threat to himself or others? Is he disrupting the class in any way?" Since he has a 1:1 aide, it should not be a matter of the staff not being available to supervise him if he is in the empty classroom.

[georgiegirl]

I'm sorry you are dealing with this. I can relate. Here are some thoughts - hope they help.

I would probably document everything and send it back to them since they are not giving you anything. Say something like "based on our conversation, this is my understanding of the situation that lead to his suspension". That at least puts on the record a narrative of what happened. I would say you are right that what they did was illegal and they know it.

Does his BIP address elopement? (I think this falls under that, even though he did not leave the building, he left the place where he was supposed to be) If not, I would call a conference to have it added and make sure that before discussion occurs, that you are clear that you are not part of it - they need to address it at school, preferably proactively.

Once it is in the BIP, then any calls can be addressed as "Have you done X, Y, Z as stated in his BIP? Is he posing a threat to himself or others? Is he disrupting the class in any way?" Since he has a 1:1 aide, it should not be a matter of the staff not being available to supervise him if he is in the empty classroom.

Thanks. We met in mid-December and came up with a BIP. Then two days later we had the traumatic incident, so the BIP isn’t working (causes more trauma if they try to follow it) and isn’t really being followed, and we are in the process when trying to change it. The school really values his compliance (which I understand), but as the parent, I’ve realized that I need to pick my battles and forcing compliance over all else just creates more issues. He does really well in calm environments where he knows exactly what to expect. Pretty much all of his behavior issues come from (1) a change to the routine or something not being as he expected, or (2) peer interactions. On Monday the issue was that there wasn’t a big pile of snow for him to play in. He just started with an alternate recess and over the weekend, I conformed that he would be allowed to play outside in the snow and that he really wanted a big pile of snow to play in like they have in the playground. I had prepped him for that. And when he went outside in his designated area, there was not a big pile of snow, so he ran back in, refused to go to the designated recess room (where he had only been the week before one day), and instead went to the gen ed room to read his book. They kept prompting him to leave the room. Three adults. He just wanted to get away and shut it all out. So he slammed the door and continued to read. (They could peer in through the window and see him.) Then they called me. From my perspective it’s clear he didn’t feel safe enough in that alternate room and they should have stopped pressing the issue and just talked through the snow disappointment and then said next recess was in the recess room. But the school is fixated on the fact he refused to listen to them.

And that is the recurring issue. They focus on the compliance element at the expense of everything else, which creates more behavior issues because he doesn’t wanted to be constantly hounded.


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[o_mom]

And that is the recurring issue. They focus on the compliance element at the expense of everything else, which creates more behavior issues because he doesn’t wanted to be constantly hounded.

We had similar issues in middle school (not exact same issue, but with the school just insisting on compliance and then escalating things, and then when he did comply, they then punished him anyway - AARUGH!). No great advice - it is painful how slow the system is at adapting.