New Whine-and-Cheese Party Thread - 2022 Edition

[SnuggleBuggles]

You're a saint for staying with him. I hope he has some good qualities. If not, then...

[jgenie]

I would have tuned him out long ago.

[lizzywednesday]

You're a saint for staying with him. I hope he has some good qualities. If not, then...

He does, honest.

I think all y'all only ever hear about him when he's p!ssed me off, which has been frequent over the past several years due to DD's challenges at school and having both of them under-foot all. the. time. through most of 2020 and 2021, so my patience for stuff like this is really thin.

I would have tuned him out long ago.

Usually I can tune him out, but the reason I posted was because he wanted to "cuddle" after I finished (1) attending virtual back-to-school night (which, honestly, I prefer to going in-person & scrambling for childcare, etc.); (2) getting myself leftovers for dinner because I didn't eat before he got home, thinking we were going to get takeout or something (did I mention it was back-to-school night?); (3) helping serve DD ice cream, which HE COULD HAVE DONE WHILE I WAS ON THE CALL by the way, because HE promised DD that I would serve her ice cream; (4) hanging up my line-dry laundry; and (5) not killing him with fire after he asked about DD's classroom supports & implying she wasn't on a college track as she approaches high school. In MIDDLE SCHOOL he's asking about college with no other knowledge about the kid, her support team, and her class schedule.

I'm sorry if I don't want to "cuddle" with someone who makes a sh!tty comment like that AND dumps everything else on me.

[jgenie]

I'm sorry if I don't want to "cuddle" with someone who makes a sh!tty comment like that AND dumps everything else on me.

I hear you. DH learned long ago cuddling goes with helping out or it’s the first thing to be eliminated.

[lizzywednesday]

We're heading into the 2nd full week/3rd week of school and we've already had several emails from DD's teachers.

She "forgot" that she was supposed to study for a short quiz in German (the "world language" she wanted so desperately to take that I filled out the interest form RIGHT AWAY) and had a meltdown in class to avoid it. Her teacher, thankfully, took this issue to DD's case manager on the Child-Study Team, asking for advice ... and offering an opportunity to re-take the quiz this morning.

She also freaked out in ELA class for unknown reasons (probably limit-testing, although her Special Ed teacher and I are probably gonna have a major chat soon) ... also likely to avoid doing work, but she has voice-to-text software available to her so she doesn't even have to type(!)

And her Math teachers haven't emailed me yet, but I have a feeling they will be, because DD indicated that they spoke with her about her "behavior" in class.

And ... DH and I have impounded DD's electronic devices for the week.

I'm already exhausted.

[jgenie]

We're heading into the 2nd full week/3rd week of school and we've already had several emails from DD's teachers.

She "forgot" that she was supposed to study for a short quiz in German (the "world language" she wanted so desperately to take that I filled out the interest form RIGHT AWAY) and had a meltdown in class to avoid it. Her teacher, thankfully, took this issue to DD's case manager on the Child-Study Team, asking for advice ... and offering an opportunity to re-take the quiz this morning.

She also freaked out in ELA class for unknown reasons (probably limit-testing, although her Special Ed teacher and I are probably gonna have a major chat soon) ... also likely to avoid doing work, but she has voice-to-text software available to her so she doesn't even have to type(!)

And her Math teachers haven't emailed me yet, but I have a feeling they will be, because DD indicated that they spoke with her about her "behavior" in class.

And ... DH and I have impounded DD's electronic devices for the week.

I'm already exhausted.

I’m sorry!! Hopefully it will only go up from here!

[lizzywednesday]

I’m sorry!! Hopefully it will only go up from here!

I mean, stuff like this, which I deal with on the daily & use her IEP to brainstorm work-arounds, is the reason I get so angry with DH when he tunes everything else out, doesn't express any kind of curiosity, skips back-to-school night, and then blows up at DD (or me, because of course I'm supposed to spoon-feed him all of DD's accommodations, etc.) about it.

The thing with ELA? HE WAS CC-ED ON THE INITIAL EMAIL.

And then he has the audacity to ask if she's "on a college track" when I was giving him a summary of back-to-school night. Just because she has an IEP and access to special-ed teachers in her core academic subjects (science, math, ELA, and social studies) does not in any way, shape, or form, preclude her from pursuing a college-prep track ... IN HIGH SCHOOL.

She is finally getting the supports that she needs because he dragged his feet about getting her even a 504 Plan when she was diagnosed (in 1st grade!!! when I think of all the time we lost not getting accommodations written into some kind of formal plan, I kick myself, but since I thought DH and I were supposed to be a team, I didn't do the work requesting them ... so then I want to kick HIM) and as a result we spent more time in disciplinary meetings than accommodations, testing, and IEP meetings ... but his failure to understand her IEP and the accommodations she gets at all is mindblowing.

At IEP review time in May, I asked if he wanted to be included & he said "no." Because, apparently, I have all of the info and I'm better at this. (No, I'm not "better" at this, but I am the one who fought for all the accommodations and testing, so I guess I'm the resident expert. But that shouldn't preclude him from learning!)

[gatorsmom]

I mean, stuff like this, which I deal with on the daily & use her IEP to brainstorm work-arounds, is the reason I get so angry with DH when he tunes everything else out, doesn't express any kind of curiosity, skips back-to-school night, and then blows up at DD (or me, because of course I'm supposed to spoon-feed him all of DD's accommodations, etc.) about it.

The thing with ELA? HE WAS CC-ED ON THE INITIAL EMAIL.

And then he has the audacity to ask if she's "on a college track" when I was giving him a summary of back-to-school night. Just because she has an IEP and access to special-ed teachers in her core academic subjects (science, math, ELA, and social studies) does not in any way, shape, or form, preclude her from pursuing a college-prep track ... IN HIGH SCHOOL.

She is finally getting the supports that she needs because he dragged his feet about getting her even a 504 Plan when she was diagnosed (in 1st grade!!! when I think of all the time we lost not getting accommodations written into some kind of formal plan, I kick myself, but since I thought DH and I were supposed to be a team, I didn't do the work requesting them ... so then I want to kick HIM) and as a result we spent more time in disciplinary meetings than accommodations, testing, and IEP meetings ... but his failure to understand her IEP and the accommodations she gets at all is mindblowing.

At IEP review time in May, I asked if he wanted to be included & he said "no." Because, apparently, I have all of the info and I'm better at this. (No, I'm not "better" at this, but I am the one who fought for all the accommodations and testing, so I guess I'm the resident expert. But that shouldn't preclude him from learning!)

I'm sorry you are dealing with all of this. It sounds like a lot to shoulder. I went through a bit of this too and finally stopped letting DH help with child-rearing decision making. Essentially, I fired him. I said "I"ll let you know what I decide to do for our children. If you have some input, I'll listen to it, but KNOW RIGHT NOW that the buck stops with me. I'm the ultimate authority because you have asked not to be copied on emails and you aren't putting in the majority of the work on this subject." Man, it is so much easier when only one of us is making those decisions.

Otoh, he won the right to make the financial decisions. In our arrangement this works because he's very frugal and smart with money. I think in most marriages though, both partners should probably weigh in on money issues.

[lizzywednesday]

I'm sorry you are dealing with all of this. It sounds like a lot to shoulder. I went through a bit of this too and finally stopped letting DH help with child-rearing decision making. Essentially, I fired him. I said "I"ll let you know what I decide to do for our children. If you have some input, I'll listen to it, but KNOW RIGHT NOW that the buck stops with me. I'm the ultimate authority because you have asked not to be copied on emails and you aren't putting in the majority of the work on this subject." Man, it is so much easier when only one of us is making those decisions. ...

I have to chat with him before it gets to the point when I want to yell at him.

Have advice? Great, but learn a little bit more about the situation before you chime in or contradict me. Or, like, maybe back me up when I need to set a hard limit?

OR TAKE AN INTEREST IN YOUR CHILD. She has quirky insights, out-of-the-box questions, and a passionate obsession with both the Splatoon and Kirby video game worlds and he is missing it! I don't caaaaare about video games, and most of the kinds of games she enjoys give me motion sickness, so it's really hard for me to even fake it. But DH? DH grew up with multiple platform systems and an extensive knowledge of all kinds of games. Me? I played strategy games, which I learned to manipulate (er, cheat, but I totally justified it as not cheating; it was absolutely cheating) into favorable outcomes for myself ... and Electronic Arts' Mail Order Monsters, one of the greatest low-rent games EVER to come out for the C-64.

[niccig]

This is so very typical, the dad isn’t aware what’s going on with the IEP. My own DH might be able to name a couple of accommodations DS has in his 504, but not all. I managed all of that, mostly because of my work. It would drive me crazy if DH criticized any of it - get involved then


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