How to welcome a teen foster child! :)

[Kestrel]

My sister and her husband have welcomed a teen dad (yes, dad!) and his infant as foster kids. Our extended family is all thrilled! I'm afraid it's kind of overwhelming for them. We're having a baby shower next weekend to help with real needs, as all they have now is a bassinet and a few pieces of clothes. They lucked out and have a great social worker who has set up their health insurance and the dad's transfer to his new high school. He's in the end of his Jr year.
Any recommendations of either things to do or stuff to welcome them in? They'll be with us at least 18 months.

[jgenie]

The baby can get away with fewer things plus everyone loves to buy for babies. I would buy second hand for the baby. So much nearly new stuff is available for next to nothing. If it was my family, I would concentrate on the dad as much as possible. I would get him new clothes, a new book bag if he doesn’t have one, new supplies for school, a gift card to Amazon or Target so he can pick out new books or music for himself. Being a teen dad is daunting and so much of him gets pushed aside as he cares for his child. It would be great for him to feel some of the support is just for him. Best wishes for a smooth transition for all!

[gatorsmom]

My sister and her husband have welcomed a teen dad (yes, dad!) and his infant as foster kids. Our extended family is all thrilled! I'm afraid it's kind of overwhelming for them. We're having a baby shower next weekend to help with real needs, as all they have now is a bassinet and a few pieces of clothes. They lucked out and have a great social worker who has set up their health insurance and the dad's transfer to his new high school. He's in the end of his Jr year.
Any recommendations of either things to do or stuff to welcome them in? They'll be with us at least 18 months.

Oh my gosh how awesome is that??? First that your sisters’ family is welcoming a foster teen and that he’s raising his son!! That is so impressive! What a beautiful example to other boys and men!!

Ok, how to help him. He’s going to need child care and baby gear that can make his life easier. I’d wait to see what the baby shower provides and fill in from there. Maybe offer a book of free babysitting coupons so he can still get out with friends and have trustworthy childcare during his 18 months.

[bcafe]

This is awesome on all accounts. Have them check FB marketplace for used gear. Just keep encouraging him that he is doing a great thing and offer to help with anything school related so he finishes HS.

[crn]

They may want to look into any special supports the school has in place for parenting students. Also, any local groups/programs to support young parents or possibly fatherhood initiatives. Might be helpful to talk and learn parenting skills along with others with similar experiences.

If possible, I’d also want to try to think through and discuss with him having clear guidelines about what he is responsible for in terms of parenting and caring for the baby (with the goal of supporting him in creating a strong bond with the child and growing into his role as a parent).

[Melaine]

I don’t have any actual advice but I have to share this Instagrammer. Her content is so amazing! I love watching her videos although I am not a foster parent. She brings up great topics. https://instagram.com/foster.parenti...dium=copy_link

[baymom]

You could also consider joining your local Buy Nothing group on FB. Ours is super active and people seem to constantly be passing on great baby products, cute clothes, everything. Your sister and family sound amazing! What a wonderful impact they’ll make.

[mmsmom]

They may want to look into any special supports the school has in place for parenting students. Also, any local groups/programs to support young parents or possibly fatherhood initiatives. Might be helpful to talk and learn parenting skills along with others with similar experiences.

If possible, I’d also want to try to think through and discuss with him having clear guidelines about what he is responsible for in terms of parenting and caring for the baby (with the goal of supporting him in creating a strong bond with the child and growing into his role as a parent).

I think this is key… helping and supporting the Dad will be crucial to his success. I’m sure it will be tempting to just take over the baby’s care but it is more important to teach Dad how to do it. Make sure he has the right network or support in place and help to plan the logistics of how he can do it all when he is on his own. Help him figure out what his options will be for school and work.

[carolinacool]

No advice, but I think this is wonderful of your sister! I never really though about foster kids coming with with their own kids, much less a teen dad.

[California]

A friend did this a few years ago with a mom/baby, and is still helping them with transportation and preschool costs. It has been much harder than she and her husband ever expected, but she also has no regrets.

As an observer, the biggest issue I saw was that my friend, with the best of intentions, was very quick to take care of the baby herself, and had a “my house, my rules” mentality that didn’t allow the new mom to make decisions as a parent. It undermined the mom’s confidence and bond with her child. All new parents are going to make mistakes, or have ideas that are perfectly fine but other parents may not agree with. This caused ongoing tension in her relationship with the new mom. They've worked it through. Previous posters' suggestion to focusing on supporting the dad in his parenting is spot on.