What age do you leave your kids alone overnight?

[wendibird22]

Just curious at what age you are comfortable leaving the kids alone overnight.

DH and I have plans to be out of town for one night in October. We will be about a 6hr drive away. Leaving morning of day 1, attending an event that night, departing by noon day 2, and home around dinner time.

DDs will be 15 and 12 (almost 13) and in 10th and 7th grades at that time. Seems old for me to get a babysitter but also seems young to leave them on their own. Both have cell phones. Grandparents are nearby (but not in a position to be overnight babysitters at our house) and we have close friends who live a few streets away who I know wouldn't bat an eyelash at being "on call" if DDs needed something. We aren't super close with neighbors but kids could call them too in an emergency. I could try to arrange for each girl to have a sleepover at a friends.

Both girls have stayed on their own during the day or evening for quite some time without issue. Both girls have taken the online version of the Red Cross babysitter training. Neither babysits...largely due to the pandemic and not knowing anyone in need of a sitter (most of the people we know with little kids have an older kid). Both girls fight with each other constantly! DD2 is a button pusher and DD1 is covered in buttons lol.

[jgenie]

My kids are younger but I would want the oldest to be a driver before I would feel comfortable leaving my kids alone overnight.


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[SnuggleBuggles]

The first consideration is if they are comfortable with the idea? I thought ds1 would be and it turns out he was not.
I had planned to leave him overnight when he was 16; ds2 was coming with us. Grandma caught wind of that plan and came to stay but I think he would have been ok.
For what you describe, I think it would be fine since it's just 1 night vs a weekend (like ours was). I think that the sleepover at a friends' is even better though.

[bcafe]

It was 18 for our sensibilities. We had an overnight soccer tournament and she was also in charge of her younger sibling whom is very mellow.

[ezcc]

I left dd (15) and ds (9) overnight alone when we took their older brother to college. They spent one night with my mother, but wanted to come home and spend the next night at home which was easier because of our dogs. It was fine, I did feel a little nervous about it but my mom lives nearby and dd has a phone and is very responsible.

[carolinamama]

We ended up leaving DS1 last fall for an overnight at age 16. DH and I were out of town with DS2 and DD respectively for their activities and DS1 was happy to stay home to care for the dogs. My parents live within 15 minutes and we have several neighbors he's comfortable asking for help. They knew we were gone. I think it depends on the kids but I wouldn't leave my younger kids with DS1 knowing the dynamics etc. I'd probably look for sleepovers with friends or ask my parents to step in. Part of my reasoning is that I wouldn't want to worry while away.

[hbridge]

We ended up leaving DS1 last fall for an overnight at age 16. DH and I were out of town with DS2 and DD respectively for their activities and DS1 was happy to stay home to care for the dogs. My parents live within 15 minutes and we have several neighbors he's comfortable asking for help. They knew we were gone. I think it depends on the kids but I wouldn't leave my younger kids with DS1 knowing the dynamics etc. I'd probably look for sleepovers with friends or ask my parents to step in. Part of my reasoning is that I wouldn't want to worry while away.

THIS!

Also, if you do leave them alone, find a nearby neighbor that you trust and let them know the kids will be alone. Leave their number for the kids. We did this for neighbors when their kids were teens. Honestly, we left them alone, but kept an eye on things and they knew we were right there (via a phone call or coming over) if something came up... They had spend time with us when they were younger so they knew us fairly well.

[gatorsmom]

In our situation, it would depend on which kids were in charge, which kids were staying home, how far away we were going, how comfortable and likely the kids are reaching out to outside help, and which night of the week it is. On a weeknight where they have an established routine, it's easier to leave them alone. I'd be much more comfortable leaving DS1 and DD alone but throw DS3 in the mix and all bets are off. DS3 won't listen to DS1 or his twin sister. But he will listen to DS2. However, DS2 is at an age when I don't trust some of his decisions and he wouldn't listen to his older brother so that changes things too.

OP, in your situation, I think 6 hours is a long distance to be from your kids in the event of an emergency. It helps that you have family and friends close by who could maybe check in on your girls. But the biggest thing that would give me pause is that your daughters don't get along well. So, if DD1 decides that they shouldn't do something, would DD2 override her? Pout and ride her bike to a friends' house without clearing it with her older sister? Lock herself in the bathroom with her cell phone for 5 hours and sext the boy she's crushing on at school? Is DD1 mature enough to know not to go hang out with friends and leave DD2 alone for hours at a time?

I'm more of a worry-wort so probably in your situation, I'd have the girls stay with their grandparents or at their friends' houses for the night.

[hbridge]

While they will probably be fine, the mind can do strange things at 2 am...

I would try to have someone come for the "overnight" part if you can't arrange sleepovers. Even an older cousin or a college aged friend or neighbor... I am thinking, girl bonding, sleepover type night, but at home. Someone else there will provide you all piece of mind and will help referree any sibling issues.

[AnnieW625]

I wouldn’t leave my kids home alone overnight before the eldest was 18. My parents tried to get a college aged family friend to stay with us when I was 15, brother was 12/13and my sister was 5 so they could both go to my Dad’s 25th HS reunion in SoCal (a seven hour drive or three hours total airplane time from arriving at airport to getting to destination and reverse), but no one was available and even though we had close friends across the street for emergencies or no more than 2 miles away I just wasn’t comfortable with it being home alone at night for two days. My whole reason for not being comfortable with it was I was afraid by some super tiny notion that some of my classmates at my high school would find out my parents were gone for the weekend and want to throw a wild party at my house (bad thing about living in a small city where everyone knows everyone else and their business). In the end my mom ended up not going and in the long run it wasn’t a big deal, but yes she decided not to go because I wasn’t comfortable with the idea. (I know she would’ve enjoyed the weekend away and catching up with my dad’s HS friends and spouses because my dad’s close friends from high school (many of whom he went to college with as well) had become close friends of my parents but they weren’t necessarily able to see each other all of the time, but my dad high school has a huge turnout (even now 50 years+) for reunions and my dad and or both parents end up going depending on venue/events scheduled).


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