Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 22
  1. #1
    gatorsmom is offline Pink Diamond level (15,000+ posts)
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Posts
    17,878

    Default How are you structuring your will?

    Any money left over from raising kids, helping with their education, and then retiring, if we end up with any LOL- who are you leaving it to and how? We are working on our will because ours is woefully old and out of date. We will undoubtedly be leaving money to our kids and we are trying to figure this all out. I figure you smart bbb parents would have some ideas.

    Dh has done well enough with his business ventures that our kids will inherit quite a bit of money. What’s the best way to structure some money going to them and their kids? We plan to leave it in a trust, which will manage the dispersement when we die, so that the kids have the potential for gifts for cars, house down payments, our grandkids’ educations, etc. I don’t really know anyone who has a trust fund so I don’t know what is successful way to do this or of any stories of miserable disasters either. We are working with our lawyer and an advisor but I’d like to hear your ideas.

    Any thoughts? Suggestions? How do you plan to leave your “leftover money” to your kids when you go?
    " I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is only temporary; the evil it does is permanent." Mahatma Gandhi

    "This is the ultimate weakness of violence: It multiplies evil and violence in the universe. It doesn't solve any problems." Martin Luther King, Jr.

  2. #2
    hillview's Avatar
    hillview is offline Blue Diamond level (20,000+ posts)
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Posts
    21,536

    Default

    We each have a revocable trust. We have a trustee. Right now the trustee has all control over the money if we both were to pass. If we die tomorrow the trustee has control forever but he could decide to give them control when he feels it makes sense (authority to appoint a trustee is part of the power he has). We plan to update the trust as we age and as the kids get older and at some point they could become the trustee (like when they are 30). I think it is important to educate the kids about money (now+). Our trustee is a family friend who shares similar values to us. Other options include funding a 529 beyond what your kids would need for college and plan to have that pass to their kids (risk is maybe they don’t have kids etc). In terms of how to disperse money we don’t have a prescription. In terms of when to give kids control things to consider are divorces, addictions, bad actors in their lives etc. If you are super keen there is a good book called “beyond the grave” that has a lot of stories about this topic.

    Bogleheads.org is a great site for more financial discussions.
    DS #1 Summer 05
    DS #2 Summer 07

  3. #3
    jenmcadams is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
    Join Date
    Mar 2002
    Location
    Colorado
    Posts
    2,393

    Default

    This is something we're in the thick of working on right now. I'm a widow (lost my DH almost 7 years ago) with two kids (19, 16) and I remarried this past summer to another widow who also has two kids (27, 25). We're in the middle of estate planning and working on what this will look like. We came to the marriage with mostly equal assets (I own a business that could be worth a substantial amount, but in true entrepreneur fashion, I don't count an illiquid asset/equity as worth anything until there's an exit). We have decided that we want to leave our estate to our 4 kids equally, but given we've both gone through the experience of losing a spouse and remarrying, we want to be sure that we have trusts/other instruments set up to allow the surviving spouse to maintain the lifestyle we've planned for, but that the bulk of our assets will go to our kids/grandkids and not directly to a future spouse (or a future spouse's offspring) instead of our kids. This has a lot to do with our age - we're both basically in our early 50s and well established financially (will hopefully semi-retire in the next few years to travel a bit while we can) and I think we would have looked at this differently 15 years ago (and we did with our late spouses). There are a ton of considerations and ways to structure this and we're still in the early stages of research and chatting with attorneys so I'm interested in reading perspectives and learning about other resources.

    Quote Originally Posted by hillview View Post
    In terms of when to give kids control things to consider are divorces, addictions, bad actors in their lives etc.
    This point from hillview is something we're watching play out with my DH's parents (in early 80s) who are trying to restructure their will to leave more to grandkids. My DH and his sister will get a larger share and then the grandkids will get equal shares. We're pretty confident that one of the reasons his parents don't want to leave the whole estate to DH and his sister is because they don't like her husband of 20+ years and they anticipate them divorcing when the youngest leaves the house....UGH...complicated.
    Mom to a DD (8/02) and a DS (6/05)

  4. #4
    AnnieW625's Avatar
    AnnieW625 is offline Black Diamond level (25,000+ posts)
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    35,646

    Default How are you structuring your will?

    We have way less assets and don’t own any businesses, but we are splitting it evenly between our two girls. My sister is the executor. God forbid something happens to myself and DH but my BiL and BIL Wife will become our kids guardians.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
    Last edited by AnnieW625; 01-28-2022 at 05:09 PM.
    Annie
    WOHM to two wonderful little girls born in April
    DD E, 17
    DD L, 13,
    baby 2, 4-2009 (our Tri-18 baby)

  5. #5
    Percycat is offline Platinum level (1000+ posts)
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Location
    .
    Posts
    1,557

    Default

    We need to rethink ours because we created it when our kids were little and they are now almost adults. We aren't in your financial situation, but here are some thoughts.

    We have saved too much for retirement in traditional IRA type investments. Coupled with pensions we will receive, we expect to have a large tax liability in retirement. We desire to support various charities at a level greater than what we are doing. Our financial advisor told us something about funding a charitable trust (I have know idea if this is the correct term) shortly after we retire with a large deposit -- this will have the impact of significantly reducing our tax liability for several years -- and then making regular donations from the trust. If we die before we donate all of the money in the trust, our children can take over and continue to support charities or we could designate large contributions at the time of our death. My DH has talked about us making large to us donations yearly to groups that we support when we retire.... we could either make donations from our funds periodically or we could create this special trust and make donations from it. By creating the trust, we get to make donations when we want plus save on taxes. If you want to financially support charities, you could see if this option works for you.

    Another thought -- somone suggested 529 plans. A word of caution..... we faithfully invested in 529 plans when our children were born throughout their lives. My parents did too. My son has quite a bit more in his 529 plan than he will need. He earned several scholarships and we have been able to make withdrawals without penalty, but have to pay taxes on the funds. My daughter probably has more than she will need too. We stopped saving in 529 years ago and are in the situation of probably having to identify additional beneficiaries --- mayby my nephew with medical school plans will need the funds or maybe we will have grandchildren or maybe I will graduate from duolingo and take spanish at the community college.....

  6. #6
    Globetrotter is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    .
    Posts
    10,017

    Default

    DH gets free financial advising via his work, and in the past couple of months he has gotten advice from them for retirement planning. They recommended a charitable trust described by PP.

    If something happens to us, kids will be able to access a portion of their trust at 25, I believe? DD is 22 now and they are both quite responsible and earning their own money (dh set up Roth IRAs for them after they started earning! I would never have thought of it.) He has also taught them how to make investments so they have grown up like that - we were fairly clueless until MUCH later in life, though of course our kid's circumstances are quite different from ours. DD would be the one who manages the finances (she would get help from certain friends- one of them was our trustee until now)- I think she's too young for this responsibility but they overrode my opinion and the lawyer didn't seem to object. We funded 529s for them for their education, and IMO that is part of their inheritance, upfront.
    "Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, "What? You, too? I thought I was the only one." C.S. Lewis

  7. #7
    mmsmom is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Posts
    2,976

    Default

    We used an estate planning attorney who walked us through all the things we needed to think about. He would say things like this is what most do, or this is the downside to this option, or this could cause an issue. It was really helpful and he was able to walk us through scenarios that we would have never thought about. We have everything in a trust and have trustees to manage the money until kids are a certain age. We arranged it so they don’t get all at once… I think it’s a portion at 25 and remainder at 30 but there is some discretion left to the trustee to decide. There is also a provision for how to even things up of something happened when we had already paid for one kids college but not the other. The plan also includes our individual Will’s, living Will’s and healthcare power of attorneys. I felt very strongly that the kids guardian be a different person than the trustee for their money. It is a lot to think about and we had a few sessions before getting everything finalized and signed. Then moving all assets and accounts into the Trust took some time too but they walked us through it all.

  8. #8
    dogmom is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    Location
    boston, ma.
    Posts
    5,914

    Default

    OK , I admit my family has zero money and my DH even less, so it’s not an issue, so take this for what it’s worth. My view of trusts is not good. I feel like they are (1) a way of avoiding taxes and (2) a way to control your kids after you die. The reality is you are dead and have no influence over the living, so please be honest with yourself about what you are trying to accomplish in your will. I have friends who dealt with trusts and either they are overly controlling or don’t anticipate all the possible issues. I’ve seen them set up to solve fighting between siblings, but they never do. Figure out what you want to give to charity and they go to some lawyer and see what they tell you about whatever trusts is relevant for your state. But don’t get too worked up or involved in it, it will drive you crazy.

    Have you named a health care proxy and made your wishes known about end of life care to your kids? That is WAY more important. I’ve seen people with iron clad trusts, but never actually mentioned end of life care to their kids. Forget living wills, they aren’t worth the paper they are written in. Just figure out who you want to make decisions and talk to them about your values. That’s it. No amount of money you leave them will make up for them being by your bedside in the ICU asking “what would your mother/father want?” and then not knowing. You can’t anticipate all the scenarios, but you can communicate your values and ideas about quality of life. Try to alleviate the guilt and suffering they may endure making those decisions.

    Thank you all for coming to my Ted Talk

  9. #9
    dogmom is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    Location
    boston, ma.
    Posts
    5,914

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by mmsmom View Post
    We used an estate planning attorney who walked us through all the things we needed to think about. He would say things like this is what most do, or this is the downside to this option, or this could cause an issue. It was really helpful and he was able to walk us through scenarios that we would have never thought about. We have everything in a trust and have trustees to manage the money until kids are a certain age. We arranged it so they don’t get all at once… I think it’s a portion at 25 and remainder at 30 but there is some discretion left to the trustee to decide. There is also a provision for how to even things up of something happened when we had already paid for one kids college but not the other. The plan also includes our individual Will’s, living Will’s and healthcare power of attorneys. I felt very strongly that the kids guardian be a different person than the trustee for their money. It is a lot to think about and we had a few sessions before getting everything finalized and signed. Then moving all assets and accounts into the Trust took some time too but they walked us through it all.
    Living wills suck. I am sorry, they just do. In 28 years the only value I’ve ever seen from a living will written by an attorney is naming the person to make the decision. I’ve actually seen them cause emotional harm. I hate them with a passion.

  10. #10
    gatorsmom is offline Pink Diamond level (15,000+ posts)
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Posts
    17,878

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by dogmom View Post
    Living wills suck. I am sorry, they just do. In 28 years the only value I’ve ever seen from a living will written by an attorney is naming the person to make the decision. I’ve actually seen them cause emotional harm. I hate them with a passion.
    Dogmom, we will discuss in depth, and have already started talking about health care for us as we ate with our kids. I know some people avoid that talk but I don’t. Seems pretty basic to me and important after watching my parents die and other friends of our family. But, I really appreciate Mmsmom’s input and I wouldn’t want anyone to feel like they should not post her because their idea might suck. I might not like someone’s opinion or suggestion, but I LOVE being able to consider all points of view.
    " I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is only temporary; the evil it does is permanent." Mahatma Gandhi

    "This is the ultimate weakness of violence: It multiplies evil and violence in the universe. It doesn't solve any problems." Martin Luther King, Jr.

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •