One disrespectful, self-involved, extremely whiny 14yo up for grabs!

[PZMommy]

I have an almost 13 yr old boy, and his attitude has got to go! He is great around everyone but us. I think that is what frustrates me the most. He even got an award for work and cooperation habits this past semester at school. We laughed when he brought it home, as he is not at all cooperative at home.

[StantonHyde]

Sorry but this is totally normal. They come back by junior year. I ignored a lot over those years. Not worth the power struggle and drama. They are basically toddlers again. And I swear they lose all sorts ohfj common sense and maturity. Like they were better at 10 than at 13!!!!!


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[ged]

Sorry but this is totally normal. They come back by junior year. I ignored a lot over those years. Not worth the power struggle and drama. They are basically toddlers again. And I swear they lose all sorts ohfj common sense and maturity. Like they were better at 10 than at 13!!!!!


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really? DD1 is 17 and a Junior - and still a porcupine. I think I'm gonna have to wait still longer... lol.

[Tenasparkl]

I was just a chaperone for a choir trip full of 13 and 14 year olds (both boys and girls). That's a tough age! They want to be independent, but still need so much from us. 45 of them on a cross country trip was just, wow. I'm exhausted days later!

[StantonHyde]

really? DD1 is 17 and a Junior - and still a porcupine. I think I'm gonna have to wait still longer... lol.

I felt like I was dealing with the Tasmanian devil so when we got to porcupine level, felt some relief


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[carolinamama]

I was just a chaperone for a choir trip full of 13 and 14 year olds (both boys and girls). That's a tough age! They want to be independent, but still need so much from us. 45 of them on a cross country trip was just, wow. I'm exhausted days later!

You are so brave! Hopefully after dealing with 45 together, your own seems easier for awhile!

[AnnieW625]

I agree with the prior poster about her period, and life changes in general. I know this is the BP, but would a change in scenery at school help? I know this could be an unwanted suggestion but is her high school simply too small to deal with all of the supposed normal teenage girl issues? I know I was pretty quiet and usually didn’t talk to too many people (at my high school of 1500 or so kids) about these problems but I always had a few different options of people to hang out with when things got rough with one friend group and I was being particularly moody and just needed a change. I don’t know what I would’ve done I a super small school. I know it all your kids have ever known, but it might be time to talk about what your DD wants from education since high school is right around the corner. My DD1 goes to a small high school (with 500 kids) and she enjoys but feels like it can be big enough if she needs different opinions from other classmates about things (she has a few classes with juniors and has seniors in her home room; so has the option to potentially hang out and interact with not just kids in her sophomore class). She would however not want to attend a school any smaller than the one she is at now and definitely doesn’t want to transfer to the public high school with 2500 kids.

How are things going with your daughter’s dance class? When DD1 was still dancing the last year (2019-2020) even before Covid it was very difficult for her because you have a group of many girls who all range in age from 12-17 and the competition for parts and the ability to take advanced classes like pas de deux is often chosen by the teacher and at least in DD1’s class was essentially by invite only and based on your current week’s classes and performance in class so if you as a 13 year old we’re having a bad week for whatever issue (period, school, friend, etc.) then there would be no invite to the week’s class and then a range of emotions would happen and Dd1 would just be angry, mean, and undelightful to be around. Dd1 had to stop dancing for about two months as suggested by her PT a month before Covid due to ankle and feet issues, but stopping was the right thing for her mentally and physically. She continued to take some online classes via Instagram or YouTube and then finally attempted to go back to another studio after we moved in Sept., 2020 and while she still loved dance she had a hard time getting to know people and she felt like she couldn’t fit in. She would cry and say she hated dance. I told her she could stop if she really wanted to, but she had to stay active. I lost about $500 in that investment (including the one month of class tuition, new leotards, tights, and shoes) and I was mad about it at first, but overall the sting went away and she found other activities to help her continued be active (high school tennis, and later high school dance team). Her ending her ballet classes then (even though I know she still misses it) was the best decision for her.

Good luck it should get better. Just make sure you and your Dh talk to her about what is really bothering her. Also do it away from your other children, if at all possible.

ETA: I am 44 (almost 45) and I still compare myself to my mom. I think about how my mom handled things with me. I wasn’t difficult but I felt like I couldn’t talk to my mom about a lot of growing up things (boys, sex, sexual health, and relationships) because she never ever talked about that stuff. I knew she tracked her period on the calendar in the kitchen but otherwise I never felt like my mom was open to talking about that stuff other than her high school and college boyfriend (pre my dad) as they all knew each other, but the sex stuff was not brought up. Dd1 hasn’t asked much about it yet but knows the mechanics of it and what not.

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[gatorsmom]

I just saw this thread and all the responses. I’m relieved and sorry that so many of you are going through this too. Five years ago if you had told me some of the rude, disrespectful things this girl would say to her family members, I would NEVER have believed you! I watch her with her school friends and see vestiges if that fun, sweet girl. So she’s in there somewhere. She’s just saving it for her friends.

I don’t think her periods are painful. She’s never asked to stay home from school and I’ve asked her before if she gets cramps. If she did, she would probably just help herself to advil, though, and not tell me, so I should let her know she can talk about it with me or her Ped at her upcoming annual.

I really think what is causing it is she’s doing too much. She’s made some great friends at the dance studio but she’s there almost every night. She’s really good and enjoys it. If not for the dance studio (and her Boy Scout troup) I think her high school would feel too small. But I think the problem is she wants to do too much. She’s the patrol leader in her BSA troop and every 6 months she’s auditioning for another ballet production. She gets home at night exhausted. She just told me that she wants to try out for the Performance Tap company. But that company travels and competes. I’m tempted to make her choose. She just can’t do it all!

As for her twin brother, he’s become the joy of the family. He’s the least motivated kid I know but he’s happy with his friends, his school and he always does what I ask him to do. Plus he’s so witty. It’s crazy thinking about how the roles have reversed.

[mommytoalyssa]

Doesn't sound like this is the reason for your daughter, but I wanted to throw this out there in case it will help someone else. My mom and I both dealt with difficult PMS and I was diagnosed by my MD with a progesterone deficiency. I am still being treated for this at 50 and without it I am a different person. After my daughter started her period she had a drastic change in mood. I took her to her doctor and lab work showed she had a very serious progesterone deficiency. As her levels normalize with treatment, she is experiencing relief and we are all grateful!

[gatorsmom]

Doesn't sound like this is the reason for your daughter, but I wanted to throw this out there in case it will help someone else. My mom and I both dealt with difficult PMS and I was diagnosed by my MD with a progesterone deficiency. I am still being treated for this at 50 and without it I am a different person. After my daughter started her period she had a drastic change in mood. I took her to her doctor and lab work showed she had a very serious progesterone deficiency. As her levels normalize with treatment, she is experiencing relief and we are all grateful!

Thank you for letting me know about this! It’s certainly worth looking into. Dd has her spring ballet performance last night and was like a different person afterwards. I saw a glimmer of my kind and joyful little girl again! Maybe she’s just making her way through an insecure puberty stage? Goodness, I hope so…