welcome to my pity party

[♥ms.pacman♥]

hello and welcome to my pity party. 2022 edition.

(please don't quote me.) i've been actively trying to look for a new job since January.... and have just been collecting rejection and after rejection. i've applied to over 60-80 positions, all after careful filtering, review & consideration. i have a kickass resume that has gotten extensive professional review. i have several years of experience for the role i'm looking for. Yet so far I am collecting nothing but rejections. Rejection right off the bat right after applying. Rejection after zoom screenings, phone interviews. Big companies. Small companies. Companies where the role matches almost exactly to what I do now, i have the experience, where I don't even want to work at but a "safe" application for "practice" - rejected, rejected, rejected off the bat without a call. Then a couple weeks ago I had a phone interview that seemed very promising, and i felt the hiring manager and i hit it off extremely well, went into a lot of details of the role, the call ended up talking twice as long as planned and in the end they even told me I was the lead candidate for the role, they would be in touch in a few days. This would be a fully remote position, and would be approx 30% raise in salary alone, way better bonus, stock etc not to mention a role perfect for the transition I was trying to make. A couple weeks went by and so I reached out and then got response of thanks, but they just decided to hire another candidate they felt they had better experience match. Sigh

i have another phone screening interview for another company on Monday that i need to prepare for and i am already dreading it bc i feel like it's no use, why should this one be any different than the prior ones (and this company is 10x harder to get into than the others). And DH (a saint) took the kids by himself to the ILs (6+ hour drive) by himself this weekend for Easter, so i could stay home and study/prepare for this phone screening interview. DH and kids left this morning..right before that, DD (11), was really hugging me and was saying she sad i wasn't going with them on the trip for Easter. I normally don't feel mom guilt but this time I did. Because I feel like despite all this, at this rate i'm likely just going to fail and disappoint my family again, and that just kills me

i have many reasons for looking for a new job, one is i need the option to move out of state to my hometown to be closer to my family. My mom has Parkinsons that is advancing quickly and while DH & I are totally onboard to move I really need to be making much more $$$ to afford to live there. Or at least I need a fully remote position that pays more so I can travel much more and work from anywhere. i really need to be making *at least* 30% more than what I do now (and i feel i deserve to, based on my credentials/track record!!). I know several colleagues from my alma mater who are making double what i make in remote positions for Silicon Valley tech companies so i KNOW it's not unrealistic.

So...job hunting sucks. At least it does for me. I knew job hunting would suck, I didn't expect soul-crushing to the core. I expected rejections, just not rejections at every turn, from everywhere for months on end. I'm tired of reading job forums where all I read about are people evaluating offers or preparing for loop interviews , getting rejected from A but not B or C, when after months i apparently can't even make it to a single on-site, let alone evaluating an offer. I'm tired. I don't have more time to devote to this as my current job is demanding. And if it wasn't already hard now, summer is coming in less than month when kids will be out of school, and then my current company is going back to the office.

As this is the BP, any commiseration, BTDT , words of encouragement, is welcome! I'd prefer no random job search advice or suggestions - i don't think i can deal right now with explaining why i can't do x or y or that i've already tried xxx and then some. I already got great suggestions from y'all in my other thread and i've taken a lot of it to heart. I think the awful thing is I have no one IRL to talk to , my poor DH is tired of hearing me complain about my frustration with things and my current role. And then I feel bad for burdening my DH who already does so much.

thanks for reading. if you have BTDT experience from this process, if you by chance had similar experience, spent months got rejected from nine interviews and finally landed the tenth, that ended up your dream job, that paid way better, etc i'd LOVE to hear it bc i could really use the encouragement right now! I know I need to keep going in this process, but not sure how much longer of this I can take .

eta: The worst part...my kids, being tweens, I think need me more than ever, and yet i have been needing to spend so much of my time working my current job and looking for a new one to no avail... the sense of being a failure and disappointment to my family is sky-high right now, which is unusual for me. if i could drink, i totally would.

[California]

No matter what anyone says it's really hard not to take job rejections personally. From what I'm reading here, your motivation to get a new job is testimony to so many wonderful things about you. You clearly love your family deeply (and they love you right back), you want to be there for your mom, you appreciate and notice your DH's support, you appropriately value your own expertise and experience, you are a planner and care about contributing to your family's financial security, and you have the tenacity and strength to keep trying even after a slew of set backs. It is no wonder your DH is so firmly in your corner! I really hope you find a place soon that appreciates all of your many positive gifts.

[Philly Mom]

No matter what anyone says it's really hard not to take job rejections personally. From what I'm reading here, your motivation to get a new job is testimony to so many wonderful things about you. You clearly love your family deeply (and they love you right back), you want to be there for your mom, you appreciate and notice your DH's support, you appropriately value your own expertise and experience, you are a planner and care about contributing to your family's financial security, and you have the tenacity and strength to keep trying even after a slew of set backs. It is no wonder your DH is so firmly in your corner! I really hope you find a place soon that appreciates all of your many positive gifts.

This is beautifully stated. Job searches are random and can also be based in part on people knowing someone at the target company that assists them. Early on in my career, I was you. It was so frustrating because my resume was great. There was no reason for me to struggle. I got lucky with knowing someone at a firm where I wanted to work. That job wasn’t the best fit in the end, but it set me up for future job changes. Now, I am self employed and worry that if I ever wanted to go work for an organization it would be impossible.


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[bcafe]

I feel for you. I have been trying for new internal roles quite regularly, tick every minimum requirement, and every preferred requirement, yet never even get to interview. It is disheartening, frustrating, and at times a feeling of desperation. What is more frustrating are the times when coworkers throw out a resume and get the first role they try for, in essence running from a job, not towards a new experience. I get you, totally and can commiserate. Keep us updated, you can do this!

[SnuggleBuggles]

On the plus side, at least you are getting screened. Back when I was job hunting, I sent out so many resumes that never even got a reply- not even a form letter telling me that they received my resume. I feel like I clicked the button/followed the correct protocol per application and they just disappeared into cyberspace. Job hunting is disheartening. I got the job I had just through networking though. I wasn't the best fit but got my foot in the door and I was able to take on responsibilities that got my resume going in the direction I wanted. Hang in there!

[♥ms.pacman♥]

On the plus side, at least you are getting screened. Back when I was job hunting, I sent out so many resumes that never even got a reply- not even a form letter telling me that they received my resume. I feel like I clicked the button/followed the correct protocol per application and they just disappeared into cyberspace. Job hunting is disheartening. I got the job I had just through networking though. I wasn't the best fit but got my foot in the door and I was able to take on responsibilities that got my resume going in the direction I wanted. Hang in there!

yeah i think this happens most of the time. i would say most of the time i don't hear back at all. out of 60+ i've applied i've heard back from maybe 25. All rejections except for 3 that led to phone screening invites, and one of those was only bc i had a referral. Out of the two phone screens i've had so far, both failed. One of them it was more like i was more suitable for a different role, however I recently learned the failed phone screen at that company makes me auto-rejected for any other position for 6 months. The other one i have coming up, if i fail this one, i have to wait a year before applying again.

what makes me sad is it brings back memories of 2008, 2009 when i was struggling to find a job at all, and couldn't and so I was forced to become a stay-at home wife and then a SAHM. everyone told me oh it'd because of the economy. And i dind't have much industry experience after getting a PhD.

Now i have over a decade's worth of industry experience, way better resume, clearly the market ISN'T suffering, i have way more contacts but still..ugh. It's hard to come to any other conclusion than the problem is me.

[PZMommy]

I’m so sorry you are having such a hard time! Is there any possibility of moving your parents closer to you, instead of you moving to them?

Don’t give up though! Two years ago when I was displaced from my crappy school (I was glad for the displacement), I was excited to begin teaching at a new school. I figured with my experience it would be easy to get hired. I sent out so many resumes, and only heard back from a few. I’d interview only to find out they’d hired a brand new teacher with no experience. It was so frustrating. The district temporarily assigns you to a school to help out until you find a new spot. I was at that school for a year. The principal wanted to hire me, but didn’t have any openings. I kept sending out resumes the second summer of being displaced. I had a few more interviews, but again got no where. Finally in October, I got a phone call and email from a principal asking me to interview. At this point I felt it would just be a waste of time, as it would probably end in rejection like every other one. This principal was so upbeat and so I decided to go ahead and interview. I got a call within 10 minutes of the first interview asking me for a second interview the following day. I was hired within an hour of my second interview. This school is a dream school. It has amazing programs and parent support. The admin is wonderful and I work with a great group of teachers. I didn’t know public schools like this one existed in my district. So don’t give up hope. It may take a lot longer than you expected, but your perfect job is waiting for you!

[lizzywednesday]

I'm going through this right now - I'll think an interview or phone screen went well and I'll still get a "thanks, but no thanks" response.

It was easier to manage my feelings about it when I was first laid off, but now that I've been out of work for 8 years, it's harder and harder to keep an even keel.

I had a conversation last summer about a role that would be fantastic, but they decided to go with someone else. (OK, fine, I get it, I haven't been paid for work in a long time.)

I had a conversation a couple of months ago about a role that I didn't care one way or other about, and they decided to go with someone else because, and I quote, the hiring manager (DH's old boss; long story) "thought (I'd) get bored with the work." Yes, I probably would have gotten really bored, really fast, but I. haven't. been. paid. for. work. in. 8. years. so I'm not exactly coming in with 20 years' experience and a high-level salary quote.

And I had a conversation on Friday with a recruiter for DH's old position (he recently shifted divisions, so it's open and word on the street is they've received zero applications) that's now a remote position (ideal, because I find a lot of face-to-face interactions a little exhausting right now) and we're going to see what happens.

In the meantime, I've heard about a people-heavy/phone-heavy position with my BIL's company that I would 100% consider if it were inbound calls/emails/chats rather than outbound calls - I don't know if I'm the right person to do phone recruiting. I have phone anxiety and call maaaaybe 3 places without pre-scripting.

[echoesofspring]

oh Ms Pacman, I'm so sorry you are going through this, I was really optimistic when you last posted about your job and it seemed like maybe you were going to be able to make it work where you were, but I understand that needing to be closer to your parents changes the equation.

I love what California wrote, and maybe you can print it out as a reminder of why you are doing this. You are doing this for your family, and it can be hard not to feel guilty about not being with them, but you are investing your time (and soul!) for a better future.

When I was last searching I did not send out as many resumes as you have, but the whole thing just ****ing sucked, each rejection stung, it's hard to get the rejection email and then put it aside and go back into the fray and keep applying. And then the interviews that didn't go anywhere were I was over qualified, there were definitely times where I felt I was excluded due to my gender, and possibly my age. I stayed at my stressful job for as long as I did in part b/c I just didn't want to go through all of that again.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

oh Ms Pacman, I'm so sorry you are going through this, I was really optimistic when you last posted about your job and it seemed like maybe you were going to be able to make it work where you were, but I understand that needing to be closer to your parents changes the equation.

I love what California wrote, and maybe you can print it out as a reminder of why you are doing this. You are doing this for your family, and it can be hard not to feel guilty about not being with them, but you are investing your time (and soul!) for a better future.

When I was last searching I did not send out as many resumes as you have, but the whole thing just ****ing sucked, each rejection stung, it's hard to get the rejection email and then put it aside and go back into the fray and keep applying. And then the interviews that didn't go anywhere were I was over qualified, there were definitely times where I felt I was excluded due to my gender, and possibly my age. I stayed at my stressful job for as long as I did in part b/c I just didn't want to go through all of that again.

thank you so much for your post and support!! What's funny/sad is i do wish i could stay in my current job as i love many aspects of it and i'm really good at it. but i feel like earning potential, recognition, advancement is lacking and it is better to transition to something else sooner than later. especially if i could find something fully remote.

the housing prices in CA are indeed a huge factor - so crazy everywhere but especially in CA. i figure we'd have to get something smaller..though if we both had remote jobs, we'd still need a decent-sized house. i have talked with DH and we were thinking that another option, instead of up and moving to my home town in CA (seeing the bay area home prices makes me shudder) we could rent a house there for a month or so in the summer, while we work remote most of the time, so at least i can visit my parents regularly on weekends/evenings, and we can actually experience nice summer weather that isn't horribly hot. That would be awesome but of course would require me to have a fully remote position (where i could work based on west coast time), not to mention make more to easily cover a months of vacation home rental in CA which i'm sure ain't cheap.

anyway, thank you all for your kind words. i don't want to have such a negative attitude, but sometimes it helps to vent and just type everything out. logically, i know that i'm not the only one who has gone through this, and a lot of things are based on luck, random timing when stars align, etc...and there is still possibility of landing something good eventually, and feeling recognized for my achievements and talents. i just hope i can start to see some sign of that soon.