welcome to my pity party

[liz]

Ugh, I'm so sorry. Big hugs to you, it sounds so defeating. It's good to write about all the frustrations, sadness and stress you're feeling.. it's good to vent and this is the perfect place to do it. I truly believe something will come your way! Wishing you the best of luck for Monday and going forward️ I'll send you some BBB mojo {{hugs}}

[doberbrat]

That sounds horrid. I'm so sorry I hope you find the perfect fit job soon.

[lizzywednesday]

I'm going through this right now - I'll think an interview or phone screen went well and I'll still get a "thanks, but no thanks" response.

It was easier to manage my feelings about it when I was first laid off, but now that I've been out of work for 8 years, it's harder and harder to keep an even keel.

I had a conversation last summer about a role that would be fantastic, but they decided to go with someone else. (OK, fine, I get it, I haven't been paid for work in a long time.)

I had a conversation a couple of months ago about a role that I didn't care one way or other about, and they decided to go with someone else because, and I quote, the hiring manager (DH's old boss; long story) "thought (I'd) get bored with the work." Yes, I probably would have gotten really bored, really fast, but I. haven't. been. paid. for. work. in. 8. years. so I'm not exactly coming in with 20 years' experience and a high-level salary quote.

And I had a conversation on Friday with a recruiter for DH's old position (he recently shifted divisions, so it's open and word on the street is they've received zero applications) that's now a remote position (ideal, because I find a lot of face-to-face interactions a little exhausting right now) and we're going to see what happens.

In the meantime, I've heard about a people-heavy/phone-heavy position with my BIL's company that I would 100% consider if it were inbound calls/emails/chats rather than outbound calls - I don't know if I'm the right person to do phone recruiting. I have phone anxiety and call maaaaybe 3 places without pre-scripting.

[PunkyBoo]

I know this is a b*itching post, and I really do feel for you. I agree with PP wholeheartedly! I'm just coming in to say that the working world is a nutty place right now. I noticed you used the words "fail" referring to when you weren't offered positions. Those unsuccessful attempts were NOT failures. You're a wonderful mother and wife, and I assume also great in your field based on what you've written in your recent posts. Failure is what people get when they don't try. The words you use towards yourself matter, and these were truly NOT your failures! In all likelihood, the companies not hiring you have reasons totally separate from the evaluation of your resume. Their choosing to hire someone else, or not hire anyone right now, or change the position, etc most likely had very little to do with you and your experience. YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE!!! Hugs to you!

Sent from my Pixel 3a XL using Tapatalk

[♥ms.pacman♥]

thank you all for your responses!! very good points. i am feeling better about it now after reading all these. i do need to focus and try to separate end result from job searches from myself and my abilities, and logically i know i should do it but it's hard.

getting my parents to move to me is not happening - they've been there for over 35 years, their community, healthcare (Kaiser) is there. my dad still works full-time , in-person at a great company. and to be honest, i wouldn't want to move here..i don't really like Texas right now, even though i've lived here for a while. the anti-trans legislation, anti-LGBT and racist nonsense going on with school boards in DFW right now is frustrating as heck. i hear things that come out of people's mouths that make my jaw drop. The housing prices (and excellent public schools they're in) is the main reason we are staying. Plus my DD has been doing really well and has lots of friends which is amazing.

i think the best option for now is to be able to spend several weeks during the summer there, while kids are out of school, and convince my current employer to let me work completely remote, for the month of July, say. I also need to be really strong boundaries and enforce that i only work 40 hr weeks (i've already stopped working weekends completely). As one of the very very few women with school-age kids in my dept i had always been afraid to ask for x,y, z and set boundaries in fear of not being seen as a "team player" but this year has been a turning point!

i did a live Peloton ride this morning with Ally Love, and a few minutes before the ride started, she had such an inspiring message, i wish i could have recorded it. she basically was talking about people waiting and waiting for things to happen, not to get discouraged, and how "just because you don't have what you want now, doesn't mean it's not going to happen soon" or something to that effect. Really inspiring!! She said it way better than I could

anyway, this weekend i had time to spend several hours finishing up a class on Coursera, towards getting a certificate that should hopefully be helpful for me. thanks all!

[firstbaby]

In my previous job, I was involved heavily in interviewing / recruiting. It is soul sucking and the right person doesn’t always get the job. I saw time and time again hiring managers have their own imposter syndrome and either try to hire someone over qualified or be hyper sensitive for reasons to disqualify - they fear making a hiring mistake so much.

It sounds like you’ve invested in coaching - have you gotten any meaningful interview feedback? In my experience, not saying you do this, but women tend to speak collaboratively “we did this, we did that” and not take enough credit for the results based in their communication i.e. “I did this, I lead that” etc.

I would also recommend doing some research on the interviewers ahead of time looking for common intersection points or unexpected conversation points during the interview “I see you volunteer with Habitat for Humanity! Such a great organization - what is XYZ’s social corporate responsibility strategy for this year?”

[firstbaby]

Duplicate

[♥ms.pacman♥]

In my previous job, I was involved heavily in interviewing / recruiting. It is soul sucking and the right person doesn’t always get the job. I saw time and time again hiring managers have their own imposter syndrome and either try to hire someone over qualified or be hyper sensitive for reasons to disqualify - they fear making a hiring mistake so much.

It sounds like you’ve invested in coaching - have you gotten any meaningful interview feedback? In my experience, not saying you do this, but women tend to speak collaboratively “we did this, we did that” and not take enough credit for the results based in their communication i.e. “I did this, I lead that” etc.

I would also recommend doing some research on the interviewers ahead of time looking for common intersection points or unexpected conversation points during the interview “I see you volunteer with Habitat for Humanity! Such a great organization - what is XYZ’s social corporate responsibility strategy for this year?”

So true that the right person doesn't always get it - that's a good reminder. I was talking to a coworker few weeks back in-person and he told me that he felt we had recently turned down the most qualified and experienced candidate for a position in the department purely for political reasons (nothing with politics, i use the word "political" more to mean "office politics"). And i recall when we've interviewed folks, there were often lame reasons for vetoing a person/not extending an offer, that many people disagreed with.

And to your other point about interview feedback- yup, have already figured that out back in January. that is rule #001 the recruiter gives for interviewing at Amazon - you can't say "we", you must say "I" and have to distill just your own contributions. I am not sure it's the interview themselves, since i've only gotten to do 2.