What would your punishment for this offense be? Teen driving related.

[bisous]

I think it's a good law, especially since teen drivers are distracted so easily. My DS1 has a good friend whose brother got his license over winter break a few years ago and then 5 months later was in a horrible accident with a close friend in the car (a student at DS1's high school). The girl (passenger) had to be cut out of the car with the jaws of life and 4 years later is still severely and permanently impaired (minimally conscious state needing 24 hour care). No drugs or alcohol were involved in the crash, just a very new driver on a windy road.

Not sure what the punishment should be, but I think it makes very smart sense not to allow very new drivers to have additional passengers for at least 6 months.

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I could not agree more.

I agree with PPs that the punishment might depend upon your DD. I think for me my course of action would be determined greatly by their personality/propensity. If my kid were marginally rebellious the punishment might be quite severe because I do think the safety implications are pretty big and driving is a huge privilege/responsibility. If you think DD was maybe just not quite understanding the gravity of the situation or influenced by peer pressure I'd probably have a different response. My end goal would be to not allow for other opportunities for her to break this rule.

[AnnieW625]

Thank you all. Yes I did say it was stupid so no taking that back, but I would think it would be better if it were only six months vs. one year. At some point you have to trust your children to do the right thing (imho). In this case she did the right thing and admitted wrong immediately.We are enforcing the law 100%. She knew we were enforcing it as soon as she got her license.

The problem is that no one else around here does; she says people she knows drive without licenses or even permits, which drives me bonkers. I told her she was absolutely not to get in anyone else’s car who doesn’t have a license and or anyone’s car who hasn’t been driving for a year respectfully she agreed (we picked her up most days after school or she walked to the shopping center with her friends; she did go to Starbucks once with a senior from her tennis team who was 17 or 18). She is the first one of her close friends to have a license. I never see cops around her school or where DD1 was going today so I guess kids think they can get away with it.

The minute she got home she said she was scared when I called her back and then was scared when Dh showed up to pick up her friend. Dh let DD1 drive the car home, but I was prepared for him to tell her she had to leave the car and we would pick it up later.

We went over the rules for driving and she said she wouldn’t do it again. We explained that something could happen and she could lose her license and if something happened to the passenger then it would be 100% her fault. She understood.

She is done with school on Friday so no more driving this week. Other than dance practice for the month of June she has nowhere else she needs to be.

We will drive her to and from parties and school dances (which we have always done, as do the bulk of the other parents at the school).

When 6 am practices start for dance in the fall we may start letting her drive alone to school and being gone all day. We were also planning on letting her take DD2 to her elementary school which is adjacent to the high school (if the elementary school doesn’t continue the car line next year).

TBH I can’t remember the last time DD1 full on disobeyed a rule like this. She is a huge rule follower and doesn’t do anything like this. I am glad she was scared and tbh she knows she won’t do it again.

ETA: this law has been around since 1997…..I thought it was much newer than that. Both of my siblings got their licenses at 18+ (and I got mine at 17 in 1995 a few weeks shy of turning 18).

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[Snow mom]

If she knew it was a rule I’d probably start with the rest of the week. I think it deserves some punishment to sink in that there will be consequences.

I think these laws are pretty important. In addition to distraction teens do stupid show boat things behind the wheel that coupled with their lack of experience can be deadly. I remember several instances of riding in boys cars in high school where to either impress or freak us out they drove in such a way that we were lucky to make it to our destination. Even then I quickly learned it was a bad idea to accept rides from certain people. Keep the focus of driving on the responsibly and maturity it takes—statistics show it’s a super dangerous activity for teens.

[erosenst]

We have a similar law here (6 mos). I think it is a good idea to limit distractions for new drivers, but a year seems too long. We did expect our kids to follow it (many people around here don't care), but I'm sure they probably didn't at times. It helped that we were in a pandemic for most of that time, so nobody was riding in cars together anyway.

All that said. I think it depends on your DD. Is she one that can learn from a small punishment? I have one that one time being called out and missing a day would be enough that he would follow it from then on. Then I have one that would probably do it again the next day. That one would probably start with a week.

I don't think there is a right answer. A single day with a talk about why that law is there and stressing that you expect it to be followed, along with warnings that repeat offenses will mean longer consequences... seems adequate.

Once again - same location. And yes DD had the rule and some/many didn’t. BUT we learned that if she was in an accident and had a friend in the car, insurance might not cover it. That was it for us and we were very clear upfront that it wasn’t allowed.

I think my consequences would be proportional to how firm I was about the rule upfront - tempered by her instant admission. (Had she not admitted it would be longer). Similar on how strict you are about letting you know where she is. If house rule is she needs to ask/tell every location, then more consequences than if just “going shopping”.

Good luck!


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[chlobo]

We have that rule here as well for 6 months. My daughter says that no one follows the rules but we told her she had to. She is a rule follower and as far as we know, she followed the rule. I agree with the posters above who said you should base punishment on the kid. It sounds like she knows she did wrong and is very sorry. So that is a good thing.

FWIW, I don't think that because no one else is following the rules, that should matter. Yes, it will make it harder for your DD to see everyone breaking the rule but that doesn't mean there aren't real consequences to getting caught breaking the rule.

[dogmom]

Well, I worked in a trauma unit when our state passed the new juvenile license rules that prohibited new drivers from driving unrelated minors. I used to know when the weather got nice because there would be a car full of kids, an accident, a few dead, a few permanently injured in our unit, and some living the rest of their lives with the guilt. People would be, oh, they shouldn’t drink and drive. But they had heard the message. Most of it was just speed, distraction and being an inexperience drive. Once the law passed that stopped. No more car full of 5 kids slamming into a tree. Maybe a guy and one friend or a girlfriend or something. The affect was immediate. Such a small thing that saved so many lives and prevented so much pain.

Having said that my kid would not be able to drive for a year. I probably wouldn’t talk to them for a week and my husband would have to intervene. I would be so angry at them given the pain and suffering I’ve seen for them to do that. They know what I done for work. I’ve been pretty clear what would happen if I ever saw them without a seatbelt.

[Indianamom2]

We also have that rule in Indiana (it might only be for six months, I can’t remember now.). I am 100% in favor of it. We have been very firm on the rules for driving. If I were in your position, the punishment would have been at least a week. She may be a rule follower, but she broke not only your rules but state law and it could have had enormous consequences. She also did this almost immediately after getting the privilege to drive. This is the time to be strict with the rules. Thankfully, everyone is safe and hopefully she learned the lesson. It’s hard when not everyone obeys the rules. We hear the same thing from our daughter, but she knows she will absolutely lose driving privileges if she breaks this rule.

[niccig]

Yes it’s difficult to follow and enforce a law that no one else is following, but you know it’s the right thing to do. Same as would you jump off the cliff too because everyone else is doing it? If peer pressure is an issue, have her blame you. We took a friend of DS’ with us bike riding and DS told his friend he will have to wear a helmet if he comes because of my work, it’s the family rule, so DS just puts it on me and I am OK with that.

DS knows I work with pediatric TBI patients and him driving a car is the most dangerous thing for him to do. 1/3 to 1/2 my patients are from motor vehicle accidents. We don’t mess with it. A year will go quickly and she’ll be a much better driver by then so the distraction factor of friends in the car won’t be as dangerous. DS can now drive others and he does. I have life 360 on his phone and one reason is to track speed , the other issue with teens. Thankfully, he’s competitive to get good gas mileage so he’s not speeding. He told me to go 5 miles slower to increase my gas mileage. I do need to sign him up for a defensive driving course though because of crazy LA traffic. He is doing well with driving and now drives much further away and I don’t worry as when he was newly licensed


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[georgiegirl]

I would take away driving privileges long enough so she feels the pain and most definitely punish her for breaking the law so soon after she stated driving. (If you need her to drive for convenience, I’d let her, but not for fun/social reasons.) Our state doesn’t have that rule (parents can opt in), but if a kid has their school license, they can only take 1 unrelated passenger. When DD got her school license, she rarely drive anyone other than her brother. When she got her regular license 2 months ago, I wasn’t super concerned since she has been driving to/from school all year. It was a good intermediate step.

[KpbS]

I think I would say no driving for 2/3 weeks to make an impression.

We don't have that rule in our state, but it is limited to one passenger who is not related to the driver unless a licensed driver 21 or over is in the vehicle.

We prohibit DS from listening to music while he is driving to prevent distracted driving. It's good your DD is a rule follower. I'm glad she told you the truth when you asked her.