Is this weird..

[gatorsmom]

It sounds like you have developed the kind of relationship with your MIL that I was hoping for. My mother always told me how close she was to her MIL and I just assumed I’d have the same. But my MIL likes to play mind games and manipulate people so unfortunately that is just not possible.

But dh’s aunt has been like a MIL to me and I’d go hang out and do girly things with her in a heartbeat. <3

[doberbrat]

I think you are very lucky indeed. It might be weird if you didnt have a relationship but even then, she could be trying to build one. Since you do have a relationship, it seems sweet.

[California]

That’s a really thoughtful invitation. My MIL is fine to me but really just wants to see my kids. I love that your MIL values time just with you!

[liz]

I think that sounds lovely! My MIL passed away early into my marriage. I'd love to have a relationship like that. I hope you both have a great time!

[niccig]

It sounds like you have developed the kind of relationship with your MIL that I was hoping for. My mother always told me how close she was to her MIL and I just assumed I’d have the same. But my MIL likes to play mind games and manipulate people so unfortunately that is just not possible.

But dh’s aunt has been like a MIL to me and I’d go hang out and do girly things with her in a heartbeat. <3

Your MIL is my mom! Over time my MIL has realized how much my mom isn’t involved, and she’s started to do some motherly things with me. I’ve started to reach out to her more too. It still feels unusual for me to do as I’m not used to doing it - hence this post



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[dogmom]

Years ago a had a friend that was one of 5 brothers. He was the first to get married. Basically every time he showed up with his wife his mother would dump the family and go out with her because she had been waiting years for someone to do girl things with. She wasn’t even that “girly” but she went with it.

[klwa]

I think that sounds fun in your situation, although I couldn't do it with my MIL. My mom, her sisters, my uncle's wife, and my grandmother used to go on "girls' trips" a lot when I was a kid, but Aunt Phyllis (the uncle's wife) lived right next door to Grandma on the farm and was well integrated into the family.

[gatorsmom]

Your MIL is my mom! Over time my MIL has realized how much my mom isn’t involved, and she’s started to do some motherly things with me. I’ve started to reach out to her more too. It still feels unusual for me to do as I’m not used to doing it - hence this post



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Enjoy it! I know that’s easier said than done. Start by spending a little time with her on this trip, then another trip later on and before you know it, you’ll have developed a strong friend and ally.

My MIL (an FIL and dh’s sister) stayed at our rental in France just a few weeks ago. We invited them because they are dh’s family but they brought the drama of course. They got mad at us very early on in the trip. We suggested trying to arrange potluck dinners together at the house occasionally with the whole group who came to stay with us at this castle we rented and paid for. The castle had 3 big dining areas where we could all share a meal and talk about our days. MIL and SIL spent the whole day cooking something elaborate and complained about it. Everyone else brought easy dishes like caprese salads or even store-bought dessert which is delicious in France. Anyway, his family whined and gave us guilt trips about making everyone eat together and how they couldn’t tour the area because they were so busy buying and cooking for the potluck. Seriously hurt my feelings. We put NO expectations on anyone to do anything in particular during the trip when we offered them an opportunity to stay at this castle with us. They could come and go and tour as much or as little as they wanted. We only asked that a few nights during their stay we have some group dinners which are fun for everyone to share what they saw while touring. His family’s attitude nearly ruined it for us. They acted like they didn’t want to be there the entire time (to which I thought then why come and be rude to us???). That’s why I appreciated so much when Dh’s aunt and uncle were so kind to us. I’ve missed that kind of support and motherly care since my parents died. It didn’t take much for me to spill my thoughts and they not only agreed with me but said they have been stewing over how dh’s family has been acting the whole trip. Aunt S and Uncle B are so angry with her brother (my infamous FIL) over so many family issues. Aunt S and Uncle B were really supportive and kind. It helped me get over my anger. That kind of parental support is so precious. I wish they lived closer. Oregon is so far from Wisconsin.

I say, if you haven’t seen anything in your MIL that would make you hesitate- like a history of back-stabbing or gossiping about other family members- then embrace and enjoy your MIL. It’s about time you got some of that.

ETA- sorry I vented here. I’m still hurt about how his family treated us (they said other things too on the trip) i and can’t really vent to anyone irl because it’s dh’s parents.

[niccig]

Enjoy it! I know that’s easier said than done. Start by spending a little time with her on this trip, then another trip later on and before you know it, you’ll have developed a strong friend and ally.

My MIL (an FIL and dh’s sister) stayed at our rental in France just a few weeks ago. We invited them because they are dh’s family but they brought the drama of course. They got mad at us very early on in the trip. We suggested trying to arrange potluck dinners together at the house occasionally with the whole group who came to stay with us at this castle we rented and paid for. The castle had 3 big dining areas where we could all share a meal and talk about our days. MIL and SIL spent the whole day cooking something elaborate and complained about it. Everyone else brought easy dishes like caprese salads or even store-bought dessert which is delicious in France. Anyway, his family whined and gave us guilt trips about making everyone eat together and how they couldn’t tour the area because they were so busy buying and cooking for the potluck. Seriously hurt my feelings. We put NO expectations on anyone to do anything in particular during the trip when we offered them an opportunity to stay at this castle with us. They could come and go and tour as much or as little as they wanted. We only asked that a few nights during their stay we have some group dinners which are fun for everyone to share what they saw while touring. His family’s attitude nearly ruined it for us. They acted like they didn’t want to be there the entire time (to which I thought then why come and be rude to us???). That’s why I appreciated so much when Dh’s aunt and uncle were so kind to us. I’ve missed that kind of support and motherly care since my parents died. It didn’t take much for me to spill my thoughts and they not only agreed with me but said they have been stewing over how dh’s family has been acting the whole trip. Aunt S and Uncle B are so angry with her brother (my infamous FIL) over so many family issues. Aunt S and Uncle B were really supportive and kind. It helped me get over my anger. That kind of parental support is so precious. I wish they lived closer. Oregon is so far from Wisconsin.

I say, if you haven’t seen anything in your MIL that would make you hesitate- like a history of back-stabbing or gossiping about other family members- then embrace and enjoy your MIL. It’s about time you got some of that.

ETA- sorry I vented here. I’m still hurt about how his family treated us (they said other things too on the trip) i and can’t really vent to anyone irl because it’s dh’s parents.

Vent away! I get it. My mom brings the drama too. She does the same thing with cooking. Makes a huge deal about it, makes too much food etc and complains no one is appreciative. No one expected all of that, and everyone was helping. DH said it was exhausting as either you’re prepping a meal, cooking the meal, eating the meal, cleaning up, and then it’s time for it to start all over again. I’ve dialed back the insanity, especially around the holidays so I can actually enjoy the time.

I think you need to remember this holiday and not invite the ILs to the new townhome you’re buying. Remind DH how they complained and put the damper on everyone else’s enjoyment and either not invite them or restrict their time there, especially when it’s all being paid for them. I wonder if some of their behavior is due to jealousy and insecurity. Your family can provide this vacation and they can’t. I think both jealousy and insecurity fuels my mom at times so she’s mean to knock you down

[smilequeen]

Not weird at all. I hope I can have good relationships with my future DILs too.