How to help your teen when dealing with an unfair situation out of their control

[georgiegirl]

Are most (or all?) of the girls currently on the fast team in the north feeder?

Yes! There are 18 girls in the fast group. 3 are south feeder, 2 of which are seniors. Total of 4 seniors in that group. So out if 14 returning swimmers, only 1 is south feeder. I tried to use that argument and they have DD two extra practices with the fast group (out of 10).

[carolinacool]

Yes! There are 18 girls in the fast group. 3 are south feeder, 2 of which are seniors. Total of 4 seniors in that group. So out if 14 returning swimmers, only 1 is south feeder. I tried to use that argument and they have DD two extra practices with the fast group (out of 10).

Well, there it is. The coach is obviously being a B toward your kind DD, but this is the reason why she's doing what she's doing. The fact that the two practices came into play after you brought it up kind of confirms it to me. And I can't believe the AD is letting her do it. I wonder if he will become the AD of the north feeder next year?

Some people will do anything to gain a competitive advantage. I'm so sorry your daughter got caught up in it. And I'm glad the coach will be gone next year.

[georgiegirl]

Well, there it is. The coach is obviously being a B toward your kind DD, but this is the reason why she's doing what she's doing. And I can't believe the AD is letting her do it. I wonder if he will become the AD of the north feeder next year? Some people will do anything to gain a competitive advantage. I'm so sorry your daughter got caught up in it. And I'm glad the coach will be gone next year.

High schools split last year, but swim team is combined for one more year until the new pool is finished. Our AD director (south) can’t do anything in part because the north high school has the majority of good athletes and the north AD was the AD before the split and our AD was the assistant. So he’s kind of powerless. And he’s a sports guys guy, so the coach has all the power and discretion.

Thankfully DD is moving past the big emotions and doesn’t seem as hurt and angry anymore. Coach changed practice and DD emailed her “I would just like to clarify which practices I’m supposed to come to so that I don’t show up at any practices that I’m not permitted to attend.”

[bisous]

I'm so impressed with your DD. Good for her for persevering and being so responsible about it. I agree that everything you wrote here paints that coach in very egregious light. It really doesn't seem fair that your DD has to deal with her.

[elektra]

Thankfully DD is moving past the big emotions and doesn’t seem as hurt and angry anymore. Coach changed practice and DD emailed her “I would just like to clarify which practices I’m supposed to come to so that I don’t show up at any practices that I’m not permitted to attend.”

I am a parent of a high school athlete and I am also a coach (not of her sport specifically).
On one hand, I have been really disappointed with the way high school athletics have been run. My DD's coach is horrible, IMO. Playing time seems very arbitrary, and I have encouraged DD to advocate for herself. I really dislike the coach and when I have emailed to ask about schedule clarifications, she has been unjustifiably rude in her responses.
On the other hand, this reply from your DD reads very snarky. I can see why the coach might be labeling her as having a bad attitude. Being a coach is not easy and the worst part is dealing with the parents. I would talk to your DD and also ask yourself what you really want out of the high school team. It may not be worth all the banging your head against the wall and involving the administration over coaching decisions.