ADHD Re-Evaluation and New Surveys

[lizzywednesday]

DD had a re-evaluation for medication tweaking purposes at CHOP on 19th August.

She was really cooperative and extremely patient which, considering the fact that she was unmedicated, was exceptional. The clinician mentioned that, with her anxieties and sensitivities to certain odors & sounds/volume, she might be showing signs of being on the autism spectrum ... which I don't think is too far off. She's absolutely neurodivergent and if we're now seeing autistic traits because we're getting more support for her ADHD (which she absolutely has), I want to lean into getting supports for that.

The problem right now is ... DH. I said the clinician who met with us suggested that she'd like to get more info about DD's behaviors, sensitivities, etc., because DD is showing signs of autism spectrum in females ... and he's pushing back. ("I disagree with that assessment; she's just immature." ... I don't give a f^ck, really, if it means we can pursue additional supports at school because I'm tired of being told "wait and see" there, so if I have a diagnosis to back me up, I'll be able to get my kid the help she should have.)

Anyway, she hasn't been assessed, exactly, just ... the clinician has a research interest in autism in females, so she may be picking up a vibe or something and I think that's great. This isn't the first time that autism (or another neurodivergent something) has been suggested for DD, but I don't remember if I told DH when it came up during her last private speech-language eval in 2015.

So, if there's anybody on the BBB whose neurodiverse kids have anxiety, ADHD, and anything in the neighborhood of autism spectrum in girls, can I pick your brain a little about the types of services your kids get/need and what may have changed about your parenting style to support them?

[georgiegirl]

I don’t have neurodivergent girls, only boys. But I will say that DS2 (who is on the spectrum and has anxiety) is much easier to parent now that we are aware of his autism and his idiosyncrasies. DS2 can appear neurotypical a lot of the time, since he’s smart, independent, and relatively social. However, he has issues with groups of kids and the chaos of school. DS1 is not on the spectrum, but he has ADHD, anxiety, and who knows what else.

I’m sorry your DH is being an a$$ about this. But you really need to stand up for DD and make sure she is fully evaluated and gets the supports she needs. I don’t even know what to say about your DH’s responses. His comments are hurtful and ignorant.


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[lizzywednesday]

Thanks; my nephew AT (6 months younger than DD) is on the autism spectrum, but he also has anxiety and ADHD diagnoses, which ... sounds like what we're leaning toward with DD.

AT's particular flavor has a lot of impact on his social skills, which includes challenges dealing with groups of kids at school (etc.), and his ability to manage transitions, but that goes back to toddlerhood - my brother & SIL would quietly "ghost" at family parties so they could manage his struggles privately.

Anyway, the whole DH thing is ... he's still approaching this as an ostracized neurodivergent (ADHD/ADD) who went to school in the 1980s. Where "labels" meant you were treated differently by your peers and teachers. Where special education meant a lot of people weren't being served appropriately and equitably by their schools & communities, no matter their disability.

Things are really different now, and there are important state-by-state statutory protections for students with disabilities - from elementary school through college (if that's where a kid's headed) - and learning how to leverage those statutes in the language I use in written requests to the school district for DD's accommodations and IEP has been a long road over the past 6 years. She's fiercely independent, so I need to balance that need to feel independent with ensuring she has adequate help and support.

I'm really sick of getting report cards with the comment "does not use class time efficiently" - no, this is a child with an IEP, who is capable of doing the work in class. What is missing from her support plan to ensure she's learning how to use class time efficiently? What else is she eligible for and how do I get that for her?

[echoesofspring]

I'm really sick of getting report cards with the comment "does not use class time efficiently" - no, this is a child with an IEP, who is capable of doing the work in class. What is missing from her support plan to ensure she's learning how to use class time efficiently? What else is she eligible for and how do I get that for her?

I don't have any BTDT but I am right there with you in these questions, DS just started 6th and we have a reeval with a new dr. in September, and I've always found his IEP to be a bit underwelming in terms of actual day to day support.

Do you have the book 'Autism in Heels'? I haven't read it, it's been sitting in my kindle for a while but it might be something for you and DH to read. It was recommended to me to help understand how autism presents differently in girls than boys. (I thought I might identify myself in it when I read it.)

[lizzywednesday]

I don't have any BTDT but I am right there with you in these questions, DS just started 6th and we have a reeval with a new dr. in September, and I've always found his IEP to be a bit underwelming in terms of actual day to day support.

I brought this up with the clinicians that I'm struggling to get DD the support she needs, because between COVID lost time and the ADHD executive function immaturity she has grown up in a lot of ways but still needs A LOT MORE SUPPORT in others (I'd also like to point out that she didn't have even a 504 Plan until 3rd grade because DH was being such a butthead about me petitioning for more support in school) which is unlike most kids with a "mainstream classes but still needs an IEP" disposition like DD is. She doesn't need stand-alone special ed! She DOES need more support, so maybe something like a writing lab or regular mandates to visit X, Y, or Z class during specific Academic Support periods should be a part of her plans.

Do you have the book 'Autism in Heels'? I haven't read it, it's been sitting in my kindle for a while but it might be something for you and DH to read. It was recommended to me to help understand how autism presents differently in girls than boys. (I thought I might identify myself in it when I read it.)

No, I haven't read anything specifically about autism yet, but I have read a lot of blog posts from autism advocacy organizers with the hashtags #ActuallyAutistic on social media (etc.) ... I was supposed to (virtually) meet with the clinician this past Thursday, but I had to reschedule at the last minute because it was DH's dad's birthday & we were going to a MiLB game (and nobody told me it was actually happening until 8pm the night before ... because his family doesn't communicate directly; they dance around the subject & expect you to read between the lines and, holy crap, if I have to deal with any more passive-aggressive/guess-what-I'm-thinking-or-feeling bullshirt, I think I will explode.)