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  1. #1
    basil is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    Default I feel like the worst mom ever

    Obviously, Xmas eve falls on a Saturday this year. My parents really wanted to plan a ski vacation out west this year because their years skiing are limited due to some health problems, and they wanted to go with my kids. My brother didn't want to go, so that ruled out February break so we planned it for Xmas week.

    All the rentals were minimum stay 7 days for Xmas week. So we are leaving early in the AM on Saturday 12/24. I thought it would be fine - do some presents before the trip, do some after we get back. DB can come by and be Santa and fill the stockings while we are away. I thought the kids pretty much didn't believe in Santa anymore anyway.

    DS just called me in tears that I've ruined his Christmas because he won't get the experience of waking up early and being excited to open presents. DH is probably going to agree with him. I told him we could open some presents this Sunday but he just kept crying that he doesn't want to go on the trip, wants me to change the flights, etc. He's going to get a lot of nice presents AND a nice trip and somehow I still feel horrible.
    DS- 8/11
    DD- 5/14

  2. #2
    wendibird22's Avatar
    wendibird22 is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Oh so sorry. You are not the worst mom. I suspect that if you stick with the plan, when the day comes, he will be just fine. I think sometimes our kids have a certain idea in their heads about what a day or activity must be and anything that strays from that is off the table. We encountered a similar reaction when DH and I proposed an impulsive (for us anyway) 48hrs to WDW that would get us back home on Christmas night. We are new DVC members and have extra points and flights on Christmas day are super cheap. We've been super stressed and thought how fun it would be to fly to WDW 12/23, stay 2 nights, just relax at the resort in warmer weather than here in NY, not even do a park, and fly home end of day Xmas day and open presents then. DDs (13 and 15) were like no way, we must be home on xmas day morning, full stop. So we didn't make plans. And I know come xmas day presents will be opened in 5 mins, they will be bored and on their phones the rest of the day when we could've been having fun and relaxing in FL.
    Mom to two amazing DDs ('07 & '09) and a fur baby.

    Gluten free since Nov '11 after non-celiac gluten sensitive diagnosis. Have had great improvement or total elimination of: migraines, bloating/distention, heartburn, cystic acne, canker sores, bleeding gums, eczema on elbows, dry skin and scalp, muscle cramps, PMS, hair loss, heart palpitations, fatigue. I'm amazed.

  3. #3
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    You are not a bad parent. Your kid can get over it. We often celebrate Christmas on other days because we usual travel. We always celebrate before Christmas though.
    DD (3/06)
    DS1 (7/09)
    DS2 (8/13)

  4. #4
    infocrazy is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    Let him skip school on 12/23 and wake up to Xmas morning that day!
    Jen

    DS in X-Small 7/12, Medium 5/07, and Large 7/05, one DD 3/10, and our DS 4/09 watching over us.

  5. #5
    Liziz is offline Emerald level (3000+ posts)
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    Oh goodness, you are not AT ALL a bad mom, but I do completely understand the punch in the gut that is your child calling you so very upset. Your kids are so lucky -- an amazing trip, grandparents who want to spend time with them and do fun things with them, parents who take them on trips, on top of getting amazing presents. In no way are you a bad mom for this. When kids get surprised/disappointed/upset, their reactions are often very dramatic. They're small people with big emotions! But just because the reaction wasn't great to start doesn't meant that it still won't be a great trip -- I agree with PP that once you're on the trip, your DS will be glad he's there.

    A couple years ago a totally different situation came up in our lives - the situation doesn't matter, but it was something where I was feeling terrible and guilty because my DD was majorly upset (over a not-terrible situation, like the one you're dealing with). I shared it with my husband's elderly aunt, expecting some degree of sympathy, etc. She just shrugged, and replied "kids turn into better adults if they have to deal with disappointment sometimes". I was initially taken aback by her response (I felt so bad! Didn't she care???) but then I realized that she actually helped me realize that it wasn't as big of a deal as I was worrying it into. She had complete confidence that my DD would be fine, would bounce back without issue, and .... she did! I feel like your situation right now is kind of like that.
    Lizi

  6. #6
    hbridge is offline Emerald level (3000+ posts)
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    We were at Disney on Christmas. I think I was about 12. It was strange to not be home. My mother set out a few little gifts for us to open Christmas morning. We actually went down to the lobby Christmas tree at the resort to open them (we were not the only family down there). It was a very different Christmas, but fun.

    I would explain the situation to your DS and find out exactly what he is going to be missing about Christmas at home. Maybe you can come up with a plan to make it easier (or even fun) for him.

    Also, I agree with Liziz's aunt, disappointment is okay, but make sure your DS has some of the Christmas he wants or something better (like Cake for breakfast Christmas morning... sometimes it is that easy ).

    Also, take the stockings with you and open them on Christmas day!!!! Then have a note from Santa stating that he left the actual gifts at your house for after the trip.

    Have a great time. That sounds like my dream vacation .

  7. #7
    twowhat? is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Awwww it's TOTALLY going to be OK! He's disappointed because this Christmas isn't going to look like the Christmases he's looked forward to in the past. Acknowledge that it's going to be different! Tell him you totally understand and get why he's upset. Repeat back to him what he's upset about "You're so upset because XYZ, right? I know how disappointing that can be". Try to do this without using "BUT". Just acknowledge how he feels and why HE feels it. That's all he needs to hear - that you are hearing HIM! And then he will be OK!!!

    When he is calm, THEN talk about the fun things that are going to be different this year! You're going to wake up with SNOW on the ground! CAKE for bfast! I love the ideas PPs suggested. Play those things up! Have a couple of things he can open that day. This year is going to be DIFFERENT and you are going to have DIFFERENT kinds of fun!

    Hugs to you!

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