I've Got Whine; Who's Got Cheese? - 2023 Whine-and-Cheese Thread

[lizzywednesday]

I know it’ll sound flippant when I ask have you considered therapy for yourself? I know it’s not easily accessible nor readily easy with means to access it financially by everyone.

...

Thank you for being so gentle with me; I am considering therapy. Our insurance pays for it 100%, so the cost is not an issue.

Feeling overwhelmed by the in-network choices is a bigger issue and ... I am overwhelmed by the search function at the insurance portal.

I need to get over it, but when I'm stuck in the "overthinking everything" and "too many choices" headspace, I find that even more difficult.

But ... I am miserable and it's not going to change without help.

[DualvansMommy]

Looking or researching anything big system like that can be overwhelming.

Can you ask around locally or post anonymous on FB local groups for names?

I can ask around from work since it’s in your area for names if you’d want me, I’ll be happy to do so. The first step is always scary and feels big, but you did a brave thing by taking the hardest step. Just take it step by step, don’t look or think overall picture cuz that just goes nowhere when you’re in this mode of thinking.


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[elektra]

It is so scary to go for something that feels overwhelming or fearful in any way. Here is a video I use with my athletes that has really helped me too. But I know you know these things which is probably why you have that mantra in your signature. Sometimes you have to just make the choice and do the thing. https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=qKCJbDOmuTI

[gatorsmom]

I know you aren't looking for suggestions but you have always been so helpful for me so I wanted to throw this idea out there. I interned and then worked at a couple of different temporary agencies in the past as a staff member. At one point I was waiting to start a job and had 5 months to kill. I applied at a temp agency and got to try lots of employers and jobs. Some I hated: being the sample server at Sam's Club, being one of the event organizers at the local mall. But positions I loved included working in various offices. I ended up with a job and an office i adored. I actually regretted when my 5 months were up. I far preferred that last temp job to the one I had been waiting to start.

The nice thing about temp agencies is they will not just send you out to a job. They will try to pair you with something you are suited for. And they will describe for you and ask you first for each opportunity. They usually know or have a good sense if the employer is going to ultimately hire for the position. In other words, the job might not be temporary and this is the employer's way of trying out various employees before making a permanent hire.

Sometimes you gotta throw a lot of spaghetti at the wall to see if something sticks. I know you will ultimately find something that suits you. BoL!

[echoesofspring]

I've found the hardest part of getting therapy is at the beginning - making the decision/researching/reaching out. It *is* overwhelming and then discouraging b/c you think you've found someone that might work and then they are not taking new patients. And if you're already struggling mental health wise it can be just too much to tackle. So lots of hugs on that front, I've been there and just ...given up. It's the kind of task where I tell myself the important thing is putting in the time, not necessarily the getting the right therapist today, i.e. today I will pull a list of therapists on my health insurance site and research at least 5 of them. That's it my task on this project is done for the day. Also if you can't pull a list from the portal, give them a call. I had a situation recently where I couldn't for the life of me figure out if the dentists listed were the ones our plan covered and I called and voila next thing I knew i had a nice pdf of in network dentists sent over to me. But keep around for recs, the best therapists we've found as a family have been recs from drs or other people we knew.

On the job front that can also be overwhelming and feel isolating - I've probably mentioned this before but have you looked at PathForward or iRelaunch? Both of these orgs are geared towards people (mostly women) getting back into the workplace after a (mostly caretaker) break. Support network, resources to help you interview/job seek, etc. paid 'returnships' with hopefully a potential job offer at the end. My previous employer worked with PathForward and I attended a 1 day conf iRelaunch held up in the Bay Area (comp tix to our company, they wanted to partner with us). I remember thinking when I was at the conf how much I wished I had had this resource when I was job hunting. I don't know if anything would come of using either of them, but even joining their facebook group of might give you a community of people in a similar position, etc.


Lots of hugs, both of these are challenging (on top of your daily 'just life' challenges)

[mom2binsd]

I hope you have been able to get some clarity from all the helpful folks here, we are all genuinely concerned. I know you've been doing a job search, but what about just working somewhere that you don't have a lot of responsibility (like a receptionist/retail worker) just to get back into the workforce, get out of the house and have something that is just "yours". I have a few friends who went back to the workforce, not in their field, but they worked at a nonprofit as a billing person/scheduler for Early Intervention etc, and they have then grown and advanced to other positions. Just getting something to do might make you feel better and it will also force your husband to manage your DD on his own when you are working. It's awesome therapy is 100% covered, that's almost unheard of for many people, so do try and find someone.

[lizzywednesday]

I hope you have been able to get some clarity from all the helpful folks here, we are all genuinely concerned.

Thanks so much for checking in; last week was ... not a good week. DD has been trying to duck out of class to avoid a classmate by telling her case manager (and the school counselor & staff behaviorist) that she either feels unsafe or that she has a plan to un-alive herself. She did this twice between 4/28 and 5/3, the 2nd time resulting in us bringing her to the behavioral health ER (yes, these are a thing; yes, there's one nearby) which I think kind of scared her in terms of how seriously the staff took everything and how effectively "trapped" she was.

HOWEVER, by the time she was evaluated by a mental health pro, she was cleared to return to class, which was great ... but, of course, this also meant that her class vice principal called me at 9pm to ask about her re-entry meeting & return to class plans. Basically, his concern was getting her back to "normal" but she was signed up for her class trip the next day ... and she could either miss out on the trip - OR - I could chaperone.

I opted to chaperone because I felt that having her miss the trip was needlessly punitive.

...I know you've been doing a job search, but what about just working somewhere that you don't have a lot of responsibility (like a receptionist/retail worker) just to get back into the workforce, get out of the house and have something that is just "yours".....

Retail and I are not a good fit, but I've been looking for basic office jobs because going back into publishing isn't going to happen. (For one, the positions are in NYC and more companies want you on-site, which means ... I'm asking for too high a salary for their budgets so I'm not effectively funding my commuting habit - for example, if the base salary for the position is $45K/yr as many of them are, there's not enough left for take-home pay after taxes in 2 states, daily parking, and my rail passes because driving - gas/tolls/parking ... not to mention traffic/stress - isn't worth it!)

I have to re-arrange my resume so that it highlights my office work/project management (ish) experience over the "hey, I did this thing for 13 years" that doesn't seem to get me through the automated systems.

[PunkyBoo]

I know you aren't looking for suggestions but you have always been so helpful for me so I wanted to throw this idea out there. I interned and then worked at a couple of different temporary agencies in the past as a staff member. At one point I was waiting to start a job and had 5 months to kill. I applied at a temp agency and got to try lots of employers and jobs. Some I hated: being the sample server at Sam's Club, being one of the event organizers at the local mall. But positions I loved included working in various offices. I ended up with a job and an office i adored. I actually regretted when my 5 months were up. I far preferred that last temp job to the one I had been waiting to start.

The nice thing about temp agencies is they will not just send you out to a job. They will try to pair you with something you are suited for. And they will describe for you and ask you first for each opportunity. They usually know or have a good sense if the employer is going to ultimately hire for the position. In other words, the job might not be temporary and this is the employer's way of trying out various employees before making a permanent hire.

Sometimes you gotta throw a lot of spaghetti at the wall to see if something sticks. I know you will ultimately find something that suits you. BoL!

Lizzy- since you say you're looking for office jobs, this is a really good idea. Temp agencies are much easier to get hired onto, and can work out to be just enough time to see if you like it there. I did the temp thing during summer in college and ended up getting hired on at one place for a special project once their temp need was finished. The temps working at my current employer very often get hired on for permanent positions because the temp has already learned how to do what's needed so the training is essentially done.

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[marinkitty]

Jumping in to join the temping bandwagon. I have four friends who re-entered the work force via a temp agency. For three of them it led to wonderful full-time work - two of them ended up being CFOs or COOs of small companies after starting as a temp. For the fourth, it ended up giving her resume the padding she needed to get a law firm job after a large gap in work raising kids - she temped, them got hired on in house as a contract lawyer for a year and then parlayed that into a firm job that started contract and became full time. I think that can be true regardless of work area. Good luck to you!

[lizzywednesday]

And he asked again if DD is "on a college track" after hearing me talk about back-to-school night.

I asked him what he meant by that because I quite frankly have no freakin' clue, but apparently that was the wrong thing to say. SHE HAS AN IEP THAT SAYS SHE GETS "INTEGRATED" CLASSROOMS - more support than a standard grade-level class, similar pacing as standard grade-level class, but there are 2 teachers, a gen-ed and sped teacher, who are there to help kids get the support they need, whether they have a 504, IEP, or nothing - AND HE'S TAKING IT AS SHE IS NOT "COLLEGE PREP."

I'm sorry, but every time I try to explain this to him he tunes out and he's whining about it STILL? I don't understand. I truly don't understand.

Mr "You Do This Better" is suddenly invested in DD's outcomes because he thinks having the labels that she needs is somehow sidelining her.

(He is also man-sick with shingles in an atypical presentation, so while he feels mostly fine, he's cranky and exhausted the rest of the time.)