When a parent starts losing their memory...

[bisous]

As I was writing a thread in another forum, I realized that I should probably reach out here for advice. My mom has begun to experience memory/cognitive decline. Her memory is VERY impaired. She'll ask questions multiple times during the hour. She also has very bad anxiety! They seem to be connected. Like once we made a pie at her house (when our oven was being repaired) and she must have asked us 5 times in 10 minutes how long it had to cook and if we were going to burn it...etc.

She also just doesn't seem as...mature? as she once was. She's starting to take offense where none is intended. She is more sensitive and less reasonable. And what is the craziest to me is that she still actually believes that when she was in the hospital recovering from surgery that the surgeons were trying to harm her despite the fact that my dad was there the whole time and working with her and we've all talked her through it several times!

WHAT does a child do when their parent starts to decline? My dad is a tremendous and helpful resource. He exudes almost saintly levels of patience and she completely relies on him. He doesn't think it is time to talk to a doctor yet. I do think talking to a doctor might help! It is hard because of the high level of anxiety and irrationality on her part.

Are there are any good resources? She's functioning ok right now but I just see this only getting worse!

TIA!

[essnce629]

I would 100% push for a doctor's appointment for her to get a cognitive assessment to screen for dementia, etc.

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[wencit]

I would 100% push for a doctor's appointment for her to get a cognitive assessment to screen for dementia, etc.

Absolutely this. 100%. My mom started exhibiting some of the same symptoms as your mother (but worse). It took a long time, but with the right combination of meds, she is finally better and "normal" now. I'm not saying your mother will get to that point with medication, but depending on her diagnosis, it can help. I agree with you that if she doesn't see a doctor, things will likely only get worse.

Sending you a big hug. It's so hard to see our parents' health -- physical and mental -- declining.

[jgenie]

She needs to be seen by a doctor. You should make plans to review and amend any medical / financial / legal documents while she is still of sound mind. Make sure there is another person on each of her accounts who would be able to make decisions for her. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Hopefully her doctor will be able to walk you through next steps. Sending hugs your way. ETA - I would consider limiting her access to bank accounts and credit cards.

[mmsmom]

Definitely doctor and also begin to look into senior resources in their area as your Dad will need support as well.

[georgiegirl]

I agree with everybody else. She needs to see a doctor. I’m sorry, it must be very difficult

[PunkyBoo]

Agree with all the PP. My dad had similar issues- he's never had anxiety before but suddenly he knew his memory wasn't working as it should and it really made things difficult for him, he couldn't sleep, he pulled away from friends due to anxiety of them noticing he couldn't remember names, events, what happened 5 minutes ago, etc. Thank goodness for my stepmom who took him to the Dr and they gave him medication for the anxiety. He now sleeps much better, (which also keeps his brain calmer and more sharp despite the decline). He is getting back out there socially too. They have kaiser and they were/are very happy with the care my dad has gotten. He is much more himself.

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[DualvansMommy]

Echoing other pp suggestions. My mother in law is exactly like your mom; she was never anxious person at all previously, maybe she was but hit it very well? Anyway, that was about 8 years ago from the onset of her 2nd stroke, we pushed for a doctor screening, and FIL kept resisting it. It wasn’t good.

By happenstance she had to get new meds to control her Afib and pacemaker put in. Got more energy and seemed much better, anxiety lessened but she is 100% reliant on FIL though and seem to “panic” and very childlike whenever he is not in the room with her. It’s sad to see. So I know it’s much easier said than done to say get your mom seen by doctors if your father isn’t on board with it. At least appeal to his side that if kept going unchecked, he will be much more burdened and what if something happens to HIM? What then? Get on that onboard from that angle and prepare for legal/medical/finances while your mom is still of sound mind.


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[MommyAllison]

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this! One thing I haven't seen mentioned yet - when you take her to the doctor, I suggest having her checked for a UTI. My grandmother had Alzheimers and everything was so much worse when she had a UTI. Other family members without any memory problems became forgetful, anxious (often to the point of paranoia), and angry when they had UTIs, so consistently that it was the first thing checked whenever unusual behaviors/moodiness started.

I wholeheartedly agree, take her to the doctor. There are treatment options that work better when it's caught earlier. Hugs!

[Kestrel]

I was thinking about this thread yesterday, and our experience with FIL. Something that no one seamed to mention here is: go through old photographs/albums. Identify people, make captions and/or write on the back who they are, her relation to them, ect. For whatever reason, recent things seem hard but farther back in time could be easier. Also, you'll want to know her past, while she can still tell you about it. MIL passed first in our case, and FIL didn't know some of the people we were trying to identify.