Why is my family so bad at respecting boundaries?

[petesgirl]

I am so annoyed right now. My SIL has two kids with birthdays in March and she likes to throw them extravagant parties and has a really hard time if any family member can't come for whatever reason. She also refuses to combine their parties, so every year we are expected to spend 2 of our weekends in March at their parties. If we RSVP no to her for whatever reason, then she takes it very personally and pesters me with texts about why we can't come...what can she change so that we can come, etc. Likewise my mom also pesters me with texts and calls. My parents can't even say no them and have changed play tickets and trips that we previously planned so that they can attend the parties every year. I get that, they are grandparents. I still don't think they have to commit to every birthday party but my mom can't take the guilt trip from SIL either.

SIL lives 1.5 hrs away from us so it's a full day Saturday commitment basically to drive down, stay for the party, and drive back. But it's doable because DH is driving. I have MS and I
am not comfortable driving long distances and especially not in the dark. Well this year one of the parties is on a Friday night. DH will be working and I don't want to drive--distance, darkness and rush hour traffic all play into that. I told them we wouldn't be there and OMG the barrage of messages I am now getting! My mom is calling me prideful...saying I need to do this to support the family...my SIL is taking it personally and asking me why I can't understand that she just wants her kids to be happy....I am dying. I'm normally grateful to be close to family but right now I'm looking up real estate in other parts of the country. I can't take this every. single. year.

[jgenie]

I am sorry they aren’t respecting your boundaries. Living away from family is hard but getting out of all the expected attendance events is kind of nice. If you hold your ground this year, it should be easier going forward. We did that with the holidays before our kids were born and now it’s just the way it is. Hope you get some peace soon.

[georgiegirl]

I’d just play the MS card (as awful as that sounds.) Say that you’d love to come but your husband is working and due to your MS, you cannot drive at night or long distances. End of story. If you want to be snarky, you can apologize that your MS is ruining the birthday party.


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[nfceagles]

I’d just play the MS card (as awful as that sounds.) Say that you’d love to come but your husband is working and due to your MS, you cannot drive at night or long distances. End of story. If you want to be snarky, you can apologize that your MS is ruining the birthday party.


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I like this.


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[petesgirl]

I’d just play the MS card (as awful as that sounds.) Say that you’d love to come but your husband is working and due to your MS, you cannot drive at night or long distances. End of story. If you want to be snarky, you can apologize that your MS is ruining the birthday party.


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This is what I'm doing--and it's honestly not even playing a card, the truth is I don't feel comfortable with the driving--but they keep harassing me! I just hung up on my mom because she was telling me I'm putting myself first and being selfish and prideful. Ugh.

[georgiegirl]

This is what I'm doing--and it's honestly not even playing a card, the truth is I don't feel comfortable with the driving--but they keep harassing me! I just hung up on my mom because she was telling me I'm putting myself first and being selfish and prideful. Ugh.

Wow, I can’t even. Hold firm and don’t go. That’s just ridiculous. It sounds like they don’t understand about MS or want to learn about it. I’m sorry.


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[jgenie]

This is what I'm doing--and it's honestly not even playing a card, the truth is I don't feel comfortable with the driving--but they keep harassing me! I just hung up on my mom because she was telling me I'm putting myself first and being selfish and prideful. Ugh.

There is absolutely nothing shameful in doing what you need for your well being.

[carolinamama]

This is what I'm doing--and it's honestly not even playing a card, the truth is I don't feel comfortable with the driving--but they keep harassing me! I just hung up on my mom because she was telling me I'm putting myself first and being selfish and prideful. Ugh.

Putting your heath and self first is okay. Let me repeat that for the people in the back - putting your health and self first is okay!! I'm sorry they are giving you a hard time. You have an understandable out and if you use it, you'll feel better and they probably won't give you as much trouble about it next time.

[PZMommy]

I’m sorry your family is giving you such a hard time. Definitely stand your ground and do not give in to their demands. You need to put your health and safety first!

[Peaches Keane]

I’m sorry you are dealing with this. Your mom may call you names, but that doesn’t make her statements true.

You don’t have to answer the phone when she calls or respond to texts. Same with your SIL. The kids will get over it.