Why is my family so bad at respecting boundaries?

[doberbrat]

I'm sorry they're being so awful. You are being neither prideful nor shameful.

[DualvansMommy]

That would annoy me to NO END. Sorry you’re dealing with this, and even if you don’t have MS, you’re still perfectly valid to just say no. How old are the kids? Is your SIL like this with every invite she sends out but only gets upset with family?

Other pp is right. Hold your ground, first decline/year is always the hardest, but it is what it is. This will be true as your kids become older with their own busy plans and don’t want to go themselves.


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[mom2binsd]

You don't owe them anything, do what is best for your family. What do they expect when kids have sports or other activities, you won't be able to go to those parties all the time.

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[klwa]

This is what I'm doing--and it's honestly not even playing a card, the truth is I don't feel comfortable with the driving--but they keep harassing me! I just hung up on my mom because she was telling me I'm putting myself first and being selfish and prideful. Ugh.

I'd be even more honest with your mom at that point. "Mom, you're asking me to risk my life as well as my children's, just for a birthday party. Are you really telling me that you would rather one of us is hurt or killed than have my niece/nephew be slightly inconvenienced?"

[wendibird22]

Um wow, MS or not, you shouldn't feel guilted into attending a family function. I'm sorry but when is attendance at a kid's birthday party so essential to the child's or their parent's happiness? My brother and I live 2hrs apart. He has 2 girls that are 3-6yrs older than my 2 girls. He and SIL have almost always had some type of birthday celebration for his girls up until they left for college. Some years we could make it, some years were couldn't. And vice versa for him for my girls. Some years they've seen them and some years it's Christmas and 2yrs worth of birthday gifts. My kids have never scoffed at their aunt/uncle/cousins not being at their birthday.

I think your family is being unreasonable.

[khm]

Is she an influencer or something? Lol. I guarantee the kids themselves will probably barely notice who is missing from the party.

Don't tie yourself up in knots worrying about it or trying to find "the right words". They are being super weird about this.

Stand firm and say, "sorry, can't make this one". End of.

Hopefully you've then opened the door to future NO responses being even easier! You've broken the seal.

Seriously, b-day parties being basically mandatory to guests and taking up this much weekend time twice in one month is ridiculous and very selfish.

That's her thing to throw, fine. But, feel no guilt about not being able to attend. None.

[Kestrel]

You could try to turn it around on her if you can. Something like "We told you about our restrictions. I'm sorry you chose a day & time that we are not able to attend." Then it's thier fault they scheduled it so you couldn't confortably be there.

[SnuggleBuggles]

You could try to turn it around on her if you can. Something like "We told you about our restrictions. I'm sorry you chose a day & time that we are not able to attend." Then it's thier fault they scheduled it so you couldn't confortably be there.

I like it!

OP- your family is wrong. You aren’t. Put your phone on do not disturb or mute their texts.


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[Liziz]

This is insane, I'm angry for you! They have no right to pester and attempt to guilt trip you like that.

You are not being selfish, prideful, or whatever other insanity they're throwing at you. Not only are you appropriately prioritizing your physical and mental wellbeing, but you are also setting an important example to your DC about boundary setting.

In your shoes at this point I think I'd just stop answering calls and texts from SIL and Mom for awhile. You owe them nothing more at the point and shouldn't have to listen to the insults.

[doberbrat]

You could try to turn it around on her if you can. Something like "We told you about our restrictions. I'm sorry you chose a day & time that we are not able to attend." Then it's thier fault they scheduled it so you couldn't confortably be there.

Honestly, this was my 1st thought. I'm assuming they know you dont drive in the dark, why schedule it as an evening event??

It's selfish of THEM. Stand firm that 'regretfully', you just cant make it work.