Supporting a grieving friend. TW death mentioned

[mom2binsd]

A close friend and coworker just found out early this morning her cousin (1st cousin), an 18 year old and his best friend was killed in a tubing accident at a ski resort. Her family is so close to both families, and her three young children (elementary age) look up to the boys and just watched them play in sectional basketball last week. I just felt like I didn't have the right words and when she was sobbing at work when she found out was also at a loss at how to tell young children about a loss like this.

Any good resources for helping little ones that I can offer if she asks. They have a strong family and church connection, but we work side by side in a small dept and I know the next while is going to be very tough.

I have been spared having to tell my children of someone close to them passing so far, and my heart just aches for her family.

[AnnieW625]

I just read a headline of this story on CNN and thought that was awful. I have nothing but prayers and sympathy to offer your co workers. I can’t even imagine.


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[klwa]

My mom passed when DS was just 2, so we've had to explain the idea of it for... well a long time.

When she passed, we were given the book, The Next Place. It's a picture book, so depending on the age in elementary, it might be a bit young, but it's still a good message within. Nothing specific like "Jesus will meet you", just the idea of a next place. However, I still can't read it without crying.

[Peaches Keane]

Our kids were in preschool when our pets died and we had to explain why they would not be seeing their beloved companion any more. At the elementary age, I would imagine death is less abstract and more matter of fact, but I’ll list what we did anyway. We consulted the internet, in particularly, we consulted Mr. Rogers who was a familiar and trusted figure to us and our kids. We followed the advice given and downloaded a Mr. Rogers episode and Daniel Tiger episode on death in order to discuss it. Additionally, our pet cremation place also serves as a pet funeral home, and they STRONGLY encouraged us to have a viewing for our kids. We did not and regret it. They also gave us workbooks for our kids to complete and work through their grief. As well as the book Cat Heaven.

Additionally, our kids really liked the books No Matter What by Deb Gliori and Be Who You Are by Todd Parr. Both authors had books on grief, so I bought them. Always and Forever by Deb Gliori and The Goodbye Book by Todd Parr. Those are the books my kids really turn to when they feel the need to deal with their grief.

So, in short, I recommend that the kids go through rites and rituals like funerals and memorials to help them address and process this loss, and then I recommend that anything else be tailored to who they are as individuals.

[candaceb]

That's so hard, and I'm sure it's compounded by the sensationalistic news coverage and the fact that the kids were at fault. Stupid teenagers doing stupid things in a closed ski area.
Elementary age kids are old enough to know the truth and I think they should be told in as simple words as possible with no euphemisms.
Really, all you can do is grieve and heal. As a work friend, you can be supportive and take on any work burdens, offer to care for pets, run errands, or whatever they need in order to devote attention to their family.

[mom2binsd]

Yes, she did not know any details at work originally, and now all the news clips just make it worse. I had a friend from Colorado message me asking if by chance the teens who died from Illinois were anyone I knew, she of course never dreamed I would have such a close connection. For those who haven't seen the reports, the boys went on a closed half pipe, not at all an area they should have been, and they died from blunt force trauma when the sled went off a bank at high speed into ice. I don't even know where the sled came from, as the resort said they don't even have sledding there. Kids who were solid citizens, contributed to their community and families, athletes and leaders, all gone in a moment based on one terribe decision .

She has an amazing family, and their small town is coming together. We are a small but very close therapy team (4 of us total) and we spend time together outside of work too. We will be there for her in any way we can. She has told us her little ones don't really understand, but that their priest has already reached out to families to support them and help talk about death and grief to younger children.

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[KpbS]

I would offer to pray for her family and bring a meal sometime, even weeks from now.

[gatorsmom]

I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t even imagine the pain of losing such young members of your family so quickly with no warning.

Dh and I were talking about the news reports and he wondered if they were trying to film themselves or had someone else trying to film them doing the jump. He was wondering if someone had been helping them. Otherwise, where did they get the sled?

Again, I’m so sorry for your loss.