Do you direct or encourage/discourage kids in their career path

[Snow mom]

I have a science Ph.D. and I don't want DD to choose the same. I found the path I was on terrible for work life balance and the careers really not that well paying for the amount of education that goes into them. Yet there was always ruthless competition at each level so you were competing with other hugely educated people to make a pretty poor living. I admit, I stay home with the kids now. It feels better than where I was. I'm not sure how I will steer DD away from this. DH disagrees with me.

[DualvansMommy]

I’m not going to actively discourage either of my kids from their path or choices of career. But I will talk with them what it means with each interest and option, they both said they like to go away for college but come back to home state as genuinely love it here. I told them to always keep your mind and options open anyway.

I did wish my parents told me what to expect from career of social work. It’s not well paying field in general usually takes good 15/20 years in career until you get to higher 5 figures/maybe low 6 figures salary. Cost of living is very expensive and we live in a country without any societal safety net, so that is on my mind for young people with mortgages, daycare and life expenses. This is why I’ll be paying for their college so they won’t get stuck with triple whammy of mortgage/savings/ daycare if they chose to have kids, and retirement.

I’m already talking about how each industry look like to my middle schooler. He’s very strong in math/science and not very into music, arts or languages. He said he wants something within STEM field, but we’ll see. He hates structure though and the conformity of school/college/9-5 job, so I wouldn’t be too surprised if he likes the self employment sector. His granpa, my father is a business owner and is already encouraging him to think broadly but is also telling him it’s very hard work, many sacrifices, and many 16-18 hours workdays. I like that he is getting all perspectives and personal experiences; between his parents with social work & biologist within R&D background. Teaching, legal field, therapist and business owners for his grandparents employment experiences.


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[Liziz]

I know people who were forced into or away from careers by their parents and they're almost always bitter about it, even when it seems like life is working out really well for them. I know it's not always possible to enjoy and be passionate about your job/career, but I have been able to experience that and I wish it for my DDs, too. My parents gave me complete support to make my own choices, in terms of school and major, and I'm grateful for it. I do recognize that I'm very lucky and my parents had saved significantly, so I was able to do this without acquiring major debt. When I switched to the major I graduated with during my freshman year (I started the year pre-med, then switched to Political Science) I had zero clue what career I would make out of it. I have never once used my degree for my actual jobs, but it taught me a ton of skills that benefitted me in my future. Because of this experience I'm not deeply tied to thinking that college major must lead to a specific job or that a college kid needs to know what specific job they're aiming for. There were a lot of places that recruited at my school for jobs where they really didn't care what degree you held. I started in a job like that, made great $ right out of college, and it led to a full career path I never would have picked or even considered as I was starting college. The funny thing is that my younger brother took the path many people hope for their kids right now -- engineering -- and he ended up at the same company, in the same job, that I stared in (with my poli sci degree!)! 15ish years out, he also has a great career, but it's not, nor ever been, in engineering.

That being said, DH and I were both extremely lucky to pick careers that are in demand and well compensated. Life would absolutely be more stressful if this was not the case. As our DDs get older, I want to make sure I'm helping them understand (or really, supporting them in researching for themselves) the realities of various potential careers, including job prospects and realistic earning potential. There are absolutely harder and easier ways to make a living, and while I don't think I can make that choice for my DDs, I do want to make sure the have realistic ideas in mind. We are also pretty clear though in the expectation that we are doing a lot of saving for their college degrees, but we expect them to be self-sufficient post-college, and that we don't intend to pay for grad school (the reality is that if we have college $ leftover, we probably would help pay for grad school, but I don't want my kids thinking they can just prolong the college experience and real world by jumping into a grad program straight after college -- I don't have as much of concern with random undergrad degrees, but I do have issues with random/useless grad degrees obtained just because the person didn't know what they wanted to do in life).

[acmom]

My parents didn't force me in any particular direction, but they made their feelings pretty known about some paths being more acceptable than others, which definitely swayed me in a certain direction and away from others. Looking back, I feel like I really took a safe route. While wound up in a traditional career that I was good at and did fit my skillset, I missed out on exploring other interests that might have been more interesting and better fits for me. My parents were very encouraging of following a pretty set path of college, then specific graduate school studies, which they had both done. I am now in the process of working back towards some of my other interests and trying to re-invent my career path in my 40s.

Due to that, I have talked openly with both my older kids about wanting them to really be in the driver's seat and pursue whatever they want. Yes, I want them to have a realistic perspective about job prospects and supporting themselves, but I also want them to have the freedom to explore and not feel like they have to conform to a set path towards a specific career.

In my current work with college students, I have also worked with students who are pursuing their major bc their parents wanted them to but yet have no intention of continuing in that field after graduation. I always feel badly about those situations because it means they have used some of their limited time to learn and explore in college on something they don't want and didn't choose. It leaves them in a much harder spot as they graduate.

[elbenn]

I know people who were forced into or away from careers by their parents and they're almost always bitter about it, even when it seems like life is working out really well for them. I know it's not always possible to enjoy and be passionate about your job/career, but I have been able to experience that and I wish it for my DDs, too. My parents gave me complete support to make my own choices, in terms of school and major, and I'm grateful for it. I do recognize that I'm very lucky and my parents had saved significantly, so I was able to do this without acquiring major debt. When I switched to the major I graduated with during my freshman year (I started the year pre-med, then switched to Political Science) I had zero clue what career I would make out of it. I have never once used my degree for my actual jobs, but it taught me a ton of skills that benefitted me in my future. Because of this experience I'm not deeply tied to thinking that college major must lead to a specific job or that a college kid needs to know what specific job they're aiming for. There were a lot of places that recruited at my school for jobs where they really didn't care what degree you held. I started in a job like that, made great $ right out of college, and it led to a full career path I never would have picked or even considered as I was starting college. The funny thing is that my younger brother took the path many people hope for their kids right now -- engineering -- and he ended up at the same company, in the same job, that I stared in (with my poli sci degree!)! 15ish years out, he also has a great career, but it's not, nor ever been, in engineering.

This makes me curious what field you are in!

I would probably just try to give my DC as much information as possible regarding possible jobs and how in demand those jobs are. I read this piece recently about what people make at certain jobs and what they like or don't like about their jobs and the comments were interesting. https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/peop...171602609.html

[SnuggleBuggles]

Due to that, I have talked openly with both my older kids about wanting them to really be in the driver's seat and pursue whatever they want. Yes, I want them to have a realistic perspective about job prospects and supporting themselves, but I also want them to have the freedom to explore and not feel like they have to conform to a set path towards a specific career.

I think that's really a great way to handle this.

[hillview]

I have talked to both kids about careers, jobs, cost of living, salary. If one of my boys wanted to study and then go into a career that I felt was low salary trajectory I would talk math with them and then leave it to them. We've done this with minimum wage jobs (done the math, looked at rent, etc). If they needed loans we would include that in the math discussion. I would offer alternative paths based on what they love and where they have strong skills. They know we will not support them financially post college/their 529 account. They both have a good understanding of loans, minimum payments, interest rates.

If they wanted to become a high school teacher (super noble, my SIL was) I would outline what that would look like in terms of budget and vacations etc. As long as they are going in eyes wide open I would try to make peace with it. DH is 100% supportive of "whatever you want to do" I am not 100% there but try to get there with a lot of scaffolding on the outcome that would generate.

[carolinamama]

Ultimately I'd just like to see DS1 have even a slight passion for something career path related. He has good grades, decent test scores, and good extracurriculars. On paper, he's college bound. But he has no idea what he wants to do or where he wants to study. We definitely try to expose him to jobs and give ideas but I'm not sure how much direction we are giving.

In theory, I'd love to say I'd support any path. I do support schooling for the sake of education and believe no education is a waste. But the reality is that one must pay for housing, food, transportation etc. Being financially stable is much less stressful in the end. We plan to pay for undergrad but DH and I expect our kids to be mostly financially independent after graduation/for graduate school. We definitely discuss the ROI of an education and what it means longer term. So my kids are free to choose their path (and major) but with as much understanding as a 17-18 yo can have.

I've made a strong effort lately to show my kids what I'm paying for everyday items - bills, groceries, vet visit, co-pays, vacations, home repairs - so they have a slight understanding. Definitely some surprises when they learn a bag of dogfood is $75 or it costs $40 for the urgent care with insurance. Maybe it impacts their decisions, maybe not but I gave the info.

[bisous]

I work with artists and some of them make a very good living! There are so many paths and opportunities for people in the arts. Maybe I'm a little biased because I live in Southern California where so many people make a living off of creative pursuits though.

Wife of an artist here. I know it probably doesn't seem like it but DH actually does pretty well as an artist here in Southern California. He loves his job. He did a ton of research and figured that SOME people end up with artistic jobs and he was just going to figure out the way to be one of those people. He works with a lot of kids who want to be artists. He takes them on a tour of his work, reviews their portfolios, gives honest feedback about what skills they need to work on etc. The one thing that was really hard for DH was that he didn't get any help paying for college from his family AND he attended an expensive school. He graduated with 140K in debt (I think--can't remember the principle amount--we've paid many times that!). If he had some financial help it might have been different. Or maybe even more counsel from his parents? I even wonder if we could have had more aid? It is hard to say because he attended a pricy, but well-connected art school. He did get his current job from his exit interview. It is something I've thought about a lot.

So for me, I'd encourage my child, if they wanted to go into a less profitable or more difficult field, to really investigate all the issues and see the pros and cons and get some honest assessment. I think DH spend almost as much time in college networking as he did studying! He knew that a job wasn't a guarantee and he wanted to be an expert in the career field as much as he was an expert in the subject matter.

I had my eyes wide open knowing how much debt we were taking on and as you guys probably know, we've struggled over the years. But we're in a much better position now. It was worth the struggle for us. I think DH makes as much in his field now as he would if he were doing something less well suited to him. He was never made to be a lawyer, scientist, or MBA.

[Liziz]

This makes me curious what field you are in!

[/url]

Healthcare administration. I won't hijack this thread to discuss in detail, but am happy to do so separately if helpful to you/your DC. But, the specific job that my brother and I both started was project management for a healthcare IT company -- he still does that (well, not the same exact job, but still healthcare IT), whereas after a few years I wanted to branch out and got my Masters in Healthcare Administration and moved on to physician practice management.