Need some support with the college process

[DualvansMommy]

Holding space for you here. I’m so sorry momma. The fact you had to consider this shouldn’t be happening, and in 2023 no less. I e nothing to say but your fears and concerns is very very valid.


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[gatorsmom]

I’m so sorry you and your son are going through this. The entire college circus is hard enough without these extra hurdles. My only advice if you are looking for some, is to have your ds look to the big cities (for the healthcare) and maybe STEM colleges. I can tell you that at Ds1’s university Michigan Tech, in tiny Houghton, Michigan, there is a very active trans population on campus. And my ds1 would be the first to say that stem students are all a bit quirky which means everyone fits in. Nobody has time for politics on campus because everyone is just trying to survive the very difficult math and science courses! We heard that at Colorado school of Mines too. Michigan Tech has been rated the safest college campus in the nation so there is that too.

Is he interested in Stem?

[carolinamama]

I'm so sorry this is the world you are dealing with. It shouldn't be. No advice but want you to know I hear you.

[bisous]

DH attended an art school here in CA that is pretty well known! DM me if you'd like to know more. I can't overstate how much I love it here and both the laws and the prevailing attitudes are very positive towards trans people.

[hbridge]

It is horrendous what states are doing to a subset of their population!!!! I am so sorry it is affecting your college search! It is so important to eliminate those areas of the country, but heartbreaking, none the less.

We live in the land of very cold winters. A friend posted on Facebook that she is tired of people saying "if you don't like the weather, move" She gave the best argument that I have heard, which is essentially that her LBGTQ+ family is accepted here. The state we live in sees every person as a FULL person who can make their own decisions about their bodies!

It is horrendous that there are areas of this country where that is no longer true!!!

[Tenasparkl]

Everyone has already expressed what I wanted to say, but I'd like to offer another voice of support.

[icunurse]

I live in a blue state, but DS chose to go to college in a rural, red area. I prepared him for what he might encounter for many political and social aspects, as I went to college in a similar area and felt like a unicorn there. I’ve been happily surprised with how LGBTQ+ friendly his school is in so many ways. They have dorms and clubs, but also scholarships for kids who have been disowned/kicked out. Yes, the bigots are still there. But it really seems like they are the minority. Im really proud of his school. I really hope your son can find a place that fits him well and embraces him. That’s how it should be.

[wencit]

I have no constructive advice to offer, but I just wanted to express how sorry I am that you and your son are going through this. Feeling safe is such a basic human necessity; I can't imagine the anger and fear you both must feel.

[California]

Hugs. I hear you. I get angry about this too. And scared. My oldest tells me that it is getting better among young people. I sure hope so.

As far as college search goes, Reddit is a good place to search for info on real-life experiences at different colleges. I have heard from my oldest’s friends that in CA, our UCs have dorms that are welcoming and feel like safe spaces.

But, even in a big city in CA, there are plenty of bigoted people. Many people are wonderful, but our LGBTQ+ kids still endure a lot of bigotry. One of my DC is gay and presents as very visibly LGBTQ+. This is intentional as they create a safe space just by their presence. Younger LGBTQ+ kids flock to them. They have dealt with homophobic comments from students, a teacher, school parents, and admin. I had to call a principal out on sexualizing my child after the principal on three separate occasions made comments to me about my DC (age 13 at the time) “dating” different kids at school. The kids were all DC’s closest friends and they would all sit close together. It was ridiculous. Anyhow, I’m so sorry. We need to do better as a society for our kids.

[marinkitty]

I can't imagine how scary and frustrating it must be to have these additional hurdles in the way of choosing the right college - and safety is just such a basic need. Thinking of you both as you navigate the search. I hope you find a place that checks all the boxes.