DC and alcohol

[gatorsmom]

I’ve struggled with this and tried to piece together some family policy about alcohol consumption but I’m not sure what’s best. My parents had a pretty healthy attitude toward alcohol. It was drank sparingly. But Dh was an alcoholic. His parents are currently struggling with alcoholism. His grandfather bankrupted the fmaily with his alcoholism and HIS father disappeared from the family and was never found. Everyone suspects alcoholism had something to do with it. We just found out after doing some research that my birth father struggled with alcoholism his entire life (I was adopted at birth), so it’s possibly a genetic issue on both sides of my kids’ family.

Because Dh has successfully been on the wagon for 18 years, we don’t drink. It’s not part of our life. I don’t limit my kids on any other drinks- we make all kinds of yummy nonalcoholic mocktails, stock energy drinks at home, sparkling waters and sodas at our house and those get served at parties, taken on picnics and outings, etc. We don’t judge anyone else and in fact I have a couple of drink stations at our New Years Eve party where alcohol can be added. We have it in the house but it gets dusty and expires before it gets consumed. We have talked at length and included our kids in the discussion about their grandparents’ issues. We have told them and hopefully modeled ways to avoid alcohol at parties and professional dinners. We have tried to show them ways to make it a non-issue. Others around them will drink and that’s ok, but our kids know they are much more susceptible to an addiction if they drink or do any drugs. They just need to stay away from it or it will likely ruin their life, their career, etc. Ds1 said he’s had some at college but it was beer and it tasted nasty. He said his best friend at college is addicted and even knows he’s addicted but can’t stop himself. We are in Italy now and he’d like to try some wine but I remind him it’s not smart to taste it. What if he likes it? What if he wants more? And then more? Is it worth going down that road? He’s seen up close what it can do to people’s lives.

It’s a tough topic, for sure.

[mmsmom]

DS drank enough to be sick around 13. We noticed a bottle of Vodka missing… it took a while but he finally admitted to it and had been extremely worried about it. He was clueless to the fact that we would notice because we didn’t drink often. After a lot of discussion it seemed to be a curiosity thing on his part but still not ok. Now at 16 I know he drinks at parties and we do discuss it. In our area parties are usually when parents are home but kids still bring alcohol. I would never have one at my house but there are parents that do. I’m not going to buy it or serve it but I also know that at their age I was doing to same thing and probably to more extreme. DS knows to call vs driving and he will not be in trouble for the drinking but if he drove or got in car with some one else drinking there would be severe consequences. After they are in college I would be ok with them drinking around me.

[MSWR0319]

DS has food allergies and I'm seeing more and more alcohol involving nuts and peanut butter flavors, so we need to have a plan for him as he gets older. Not just to keep him safe from drinking and driving, but also to keep him alive. We have told him that he is never to ride with anyone who has been drinking and he needs to call us, no questions asked. He's just 14 so hasn't been involved in those scenarios (parties) for the most part, however his friends could have pulled out alcohol in their houses. Currently, I think we'll stick to no drinking but if it happens make sure you call us, until the end of his senior year. He's a three season athlete and knows he can get drug tested at any time (that doesn't check for alcohol obviously though). He's also seen what happens when the "star" of the team gets busted for drinking. He's not my kid to break rules or want to do anything "bad" to his body. He wants to perform at his best. So currently I don't see him wanting to drink until he's done with sports. He has some friends on his club swim team that smoke weed and openly discuss it. That's helped us have conversations regarding alcohol and drugs. Based on what he says, he doesn't want to put any of that in his body. I also don't really want to say "You're not supposed to do this per the contract you sign for sports, but I'll let you do it at home just don't tell." Now, DS2 is the kid I see running naked across campus drunk in the middle of the day. And yet he's an even bigger rule follower, so I"m not sure how we'll handle him

I do want to introduce DS1 though before he leaves for college so he know how to be responsible. Because of his allergies we'll more than likely have to stick to something easy. He'll need to have it in a can, so there's no chance of cross contamination and no fancy flavors that could include nuts. Something he can get easily at parties, bars etc. Goodness, raising a teen is not easy! You don't think about these things when you have babies.

[NCGrandma]

I'm glad the issue of food allergies was raised. As a baby/young kid, DGD1 was allergic to all the major allergens plus a variety of less common ones, but now she can tolerate most of them. One current active allergen is grapes/raisins. When she went on a school trip to Quebec a couple of years ago, she couldn’t eat a number of the special French dishes because they had wine in the sauce (even though the alcohol didn’t survive the cooking). At least she is aware of avoiding wine.


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[KpbS]

21 for us.
DS has serious food allergies (including wheat) and years of stomach pain.

A close friend was kicked out of school this year for underage drinking. My DC don’t know it yet, but we will be discussing it and how actions have consequences.

[anonomom]

Aside from an occasional "what does that taste like?" sip of our own drinks, the expectation that we've set for our kids is that they won't drink if it's not legal for them to purchase alcohol.

DC is 17, and usually what I tell them when they're going out is: "Our expectation is that you will not drink, but your safety is more important than your obedience. If you do end up drinking I'd 1000% rather you call us for a ride than drive drunk and hope we don't find out." Luckily, their friend group isn't really into drinking and it hasn't been an issue so far.

[gatorsmom]

DC is 17, and usually what I tell them when they're going out is: "Our expectation is that you will not drink, but your safety is more important than your obedience. If you do end up drinking I'd 1000% rather you call us for a ride than drive drunk and hope we don't find out." Luckily, their friend group isn't really into drinking and it hasn't been an issue so far.

This is so smart. Straight to the point and no emotions involved. I love this and plan to use a form of it with our kids.

[Kindra178]

My dc likely drinks a little. His schedule keeps him busy which leaves little time for parties. We have talked openly about the dangers of drinking and driving and will continue to do so. In the end, my kid drinking isn’t a huge concern to me.

I’m more worried about drug use and too early exposure to drugs.

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[hillview]

DS1 is almost 18 and while we on occasion offer him a beer he is so far a rule follower -- he had one in Africa on NYE and didn't really like it. We've talked about this fall and college. I am not overly worried about him at this point. DS2 is 15 -- 16 later this summer. He is more of a follower (I think?) and so while no issues at this time but I am more cautious about him.

[KrisM]

My kids don't really have an interest. We talk about it and DH and I drink at times. I don't think DS1 drank at all in college. He says he had way more sleep than he ever did in high school even. Of the 3, I think DS2 is the most likely to be tempted into that path, but we have more time.