UPDATE in OP: Splitting costs on a trip

[Globetrotter]

I’m just curious to know what the fair thing is to do in this instance. We are all equally well off, but my friend is definitely more cost-conscious. We are going on a trip together, DH and me plus my friend. I don’t think her DH can join us, but we’re not sure yet. If her DH doesn’t join us, how should we split the Airbnb and car rental? Should she pay 1/3? I’m totally OK with this and it seems fair, but I’m just curious to know what you all think.

btw this is my idea but I haven’t mentioned it yet.

UPDATE: So now her husband is coming so it's a moot point. I had decided to just be direct and ask her what she thought was fair! She is a very direct person so I thought she would appreciate that, but it was helpful to read a wide range of views. I was thinking I could suggest that dh and I pay for the groceries and gas, or something like that.

I am a huge splitwise user. I used it this last weekend and noticed we are now very limited - you can use a certain number of entries until it requires you to sign up for the Pro version. I got it because I do a lot of similar trips with friends and I'm usually the travel agent and accountant lol I love the features to split bills accurately. Also, my friends are on splitwise and it would be a pain to get them to move to another app.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I wouldn’t divvy the lodging or car in thirds. I’m assuming you have a 2 bedroom unit vs a 3? Seems like halvsies makes sense for the lodging, if that’s the case.
You can always pick up the tab for groceries, a meal out or something if you feel guilty. And, I see no harm in offering to have her share be less for those big costs but I don’t think it is necessary nor does it really make logic sense to me (back to booking a 2 bedroom; car is the car too regardless of how many bodies).


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[Globetrotter]

you're right - we got a two bedroom because of her. i like the idea of covering some of the other expenses instead!

[hillview]

It is hard to determine what is "fair" she could just pay the incremental costs (one more bedroom, extra food, same car cost etc. ) or it could be half car and half room fee. In some ways it might not 100% matter as there are a few ways to think about it. It sounds like (I could be wrong) that you don't totally care and she might care a lot. I might ask her what she thinks is fair and offer some ideas that you like and see what she likes.

[mom2binsd]

Whatever you do, make sure you guys are clear before the trip, just mention that you guys want to have everything figured out before the trip so nobody is surprised with unexpected costs.

[Green_Tea]

Do you travel together a lot? Do you think you may want to travel together again in the future? If this is a one off situation and it won’t occur regularly, and if you know she’s very cost conscious, I’d split it three ways. The end of the day it may end up being a little more expensive for you, but the friendship will be preserved. If you think this situation will come up often/again it may be worth splitting 50/50.

[Globetrotter]

We will probably travel together a lot more now that we are all empty nesters. this is our first time since covid, aside from camping
They travel a LOT internationally but make meals on the go (also for other reasons like diet and health) and things like that. For this particular trip she was trying to get the cost down on lodging (and I was looking accordingly) but it was hard to do so given we are going at a peak time. It's not like we are extravagant, but we want a safe convenient neighborhood and stuff like that. As Hillview says, if her dh doesn't come with us maybe I should ask her what the fair thing is so I can see what she's thinking. I hadn't considered that..
BTW, I recently realized that she (and my dh for that matter) have a scarcity mindset, which explains so much.

[jgenie]

I often travel with my kids and another family. Three of us to four of them. We split everything 50 / 50.

[ahisma]

Depending on the airbnb, I do think I'd offer to pay more - largely because I presume you'll take the master and she'll take a smaller bedroom. We travel with friends often and generally try to find a way to offset the master / small bedroom situation.

[Liziz]

If yall were at a hotel, she'd be paying exactly the same amount for a room as you guys are, so "fair" and "even" wouldn't be the same thing, and that could be true in this situation too. In this situation, I think the bigger thing to consider is that if your preferences are more expensive than hers, then pick up the difference of the "extra" you want. For example - if she's happy with a compact car (and that's reasonably an option given # of people, etc.), but you'd prefer a full size car, then split the cost for what the compact car would be, then pay the difference for the "upgrade" portion you want.

I also agree that if this is like many Air BnB and there's a definite difference in bedrooms, you could pick up a bigger share because you're staying in the nicer bedroom. Just remember, anything you do this trip will set a precedent for future trips - those with and without her DH.